The Best Way to Embrace Change In Your Marriage

Embrace Change in Your Marriage

Psst… Scroll down for today’s giveaway

Since the day I first laid eyes on this man of mine, so much has changed.

We went into marriage with some expectations, but little did we know that our hopes and dreams for the future would take on a shape of their own.

Life is one thing when you’re dating, it’s a completely different situation when you take on the responsibilities of parenting and owning a home.

And just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, everything changes again.

A change can be one of the most exciting times in your life, like when you’re starting a family or buying a home. But here’s the thing–it can also be stressful.

I’m overwhelmed with joy when it comes to my children, but I’ll tell you this much, labor didn’t end when they took their first breath. It’s been a life-long series of contractions that grab hold of our hearts.

Others experience the contractions that come when all hope of having a child is lost.

Life is a series of changes. Like a roller coaster, they can bring us straight to the top one day and have us quickly descending the next.

Some are a blessing, and other changes are so hard to swallow you wonder how you can possibly get through the day.

There are moments in every journey when we deal with emotion; sometimes we’re dealing with fear, sometimes it’s doubt, sometimes it’s guilt, and sometimes it’s a sense of failure. If you’re feeling any of these things, remember this: when you are weak He is strong.

Allow your weakness to illustrate the strength and power of the One who seeks to rescue you…

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Remember Heratio Spafford, he lost his son and then his life savings. Delayed by business, he sent his family ahead en route to Europe. Heratio planned to join them shortly, but before he had a chance to, their ship sunk killing four of his daughters. His wife sent him a telegraph that simply read, “Saved Alone.” During all of this grief, Heratio penned the now famous hymn, “It is Well With My Soul” as he travelled to be with his wife.

That’s the kind faith that I crave. Faith I know I can rest on when life knocks me down.

I can offer you ways to embrace change in your marriage. But unless I encourage you to embrace God fully those steps would be nothing but empty words on a paper. We need more than that. He wants more than that.

Jesus said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

But if we’re not in step with Him we’re not embracing that yoke. If we’re not laying our burden at the feet of His throne, we’re carrying it around. We have to let go of that worry, that concern, and the stress of what tomorrow might bring. All we have is today. All we have is this minute. The rest is in His hands.

I didn’t expect to get into all of this when I started writing this post. In fact I was almost completely finished writing a different post when I was led in this direction. But this has to be said. Some of you are struggling with change right now and I can’t help but feeling that it’s weighing you down.

Let go and let God. Don’t hang onto the pain. Get down on your knees, pray about it, and leave it at the foot of His throne.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
www.timewarpwife.com

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE: Consider some of the ways that your marriage has changed over time. Start counting the blessings that these changes have brought. Write them down.

Don’t miss my team members’ posts on embracing change in marriage.
You can find them here:

Jennifer Smith at UnveiledWife.com
Sheila Gregoire at ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com
Ashleigh Slater at AshleighSlater.com
Lisa Jacobson at Club31Women.com
Courtney Joseph at Women Living Well

Embrace Your Marriage Series

Also, be sure to come back here the next three Mondays for my other posts in the “Embrace Your Marriage: A Virtual Marriage Retreat” series. I’ll be talking about:

September 15: Embracing Your Differences
September 22: Embracing Oneness
September 29: Embracing Your Friendship

 


sonoma

Enter this giveaway in the Rafflecopter gadget below. Subscribers click through to the blog.

In celebration of the upcoming release of Messy Beautiful Love, The team at Thomas Nelson has provided us with giveaways for eight weeks! We’re onto week four offering a Williams Sonoma Picnic Basket Set. Keep coming back every week because we have another four more after this one!

Pssst… Here are two links you might need:
The book page: http://www.messybeautifullove.com
This giveaway page: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=4610

ENTER THE RAFFLECOPTER GADGET BELOW FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN.

Please Note: This giveaway is open to US and Canada only.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Want to know what else we’ll be giving away? Here’s a sneak peek:

insertWeek one – Winner of the ipad Mini: Katie Howard

Week two Winner of the Vita Mix Blender: Kelly Fisher

Week three Winner of the  KitchenAid 5 QT Mixer in Aqua Sky Blue:
Liz Reveal

Today – September 8th
· Williams Sonoma Picnic Basket Set

Week 5 – September 15th
· COFFEE PACKAGE – Includes Keurig Rivo Single Serve Cappacino & Latte Brewer & Accessories + Carousel + supply of 144 cups + set of 4 mugs

Week 6 – September 22nd
· HOME PACKAGE – Includes a Kate Spade candle + Kate Spade Trinket Tray + Giraffe at Home Throw

Week 7 – September 29th
· Coach Crosstown Crossbody Bag in Light Gold & Platinum

Week 8 – October 6th
· ANTHROPOLOGIE KITCHEN PACKAGE – Includes Apron & matching pot holders + Pie Dish & matching Whisk + matching Rolling Pin

The giveaway will end at midnight each Sunday night and I’ll announce the winner the next morning (Monday) along with a new giveaway!

Thank you for helping me get the word out!

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Author

Written by Darlene Schacht

I'm an Evangelical Christian whose number one priority is to serve Jesus Christ in every area of my life. My husband Michael and I live in Manitoba Canada. Married 25 years, we have four children (three still at home), a bird and two pugs who are everyone's babies, especially mine! Our lives are basically surrounded with three things: our faith, music and everything books. I’m an award winning and New York Times best-selling author who is nothing without the grace of God. Facebook: timewarpwife Twitter: timewarpwife Pinterest: timewarpwife

131 Comments

  1.  avatar
    carly says:

    very encouraging! I dont like change and I dont embrace it well. I like everything to go as planned and i really stress out if it doesnt. God is wanting me to completely trust in Him and that is hard for me. I am praying that I can let go of this control and let God show me His plan for my family. Thank you for your posts. You are a blessing!

  2.  avatar
    Charise says:

    My husband and I are growing in Christ. We are learning and working together to make our family better. I know that the stronger our relationship becomes with God, the stronger our marriage will be.

  3.  avatar
    Ashley Mojica says:

    Thank you for this timely post, as we go through one of the many changes in our marriage! Love your blog and thanks for the opportunity for the giveaway!

  4.  avatar
    Angela Washington says:

    I find myself stressed out a lot. My marriage has changed in several ways since day1 and I can’t say it’s been all good. Marriage and children bring on a whole different kinda if stress than I ever imagined. I feel overwhelmed all the time. It makes me afraid of the future because of all the difficult situations that have occurred. I find it hard to leaving it all at the altar but I try. I pray to find peace. I seek God all the time and sometimes wonder if He’s hearing my cry. I want only the best for my family and myself. I hope I can carry on because I do feel weak, in my mind, body, and soul.

  5.  avatar
    Kim says:

    Darlene,
    Letting go of those things that worry me is one of the things I most struggle with. However, as I count my many blessings…those burdens turn into teachable times in my life. I’m so grateful for the rich mercies and grace that are poured into us by our loving Heavenly Father. Thanks for your encouragement today!

  6.  avatar
    Taraleigh says:

    Change is scary but it can also be a blessing and growth opportunity in learning to trust God and realize He really does know best. One time I had a big, scary decision to make and that night I had a recurring dream of stepping off a cliff onto nothing… you know, like in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons… and when I stepped off, I was still ok because God was holding me up. When I turned to look back, everything behind me was falling away. I made the decision to do what I was afraid to do and I was so blessed by it! God is good.. all the time! 🙂

  7.  avatar
    Lisa says:

    Thank you very much for this. there is so much change happening in my marriage right now. My husbnd left his well paying job to start his own company and this month finances have been so tight but i beleive God will make a way as i leave my worries on his feet. It has not been easy but he will never forsake us. 🙂

  8.  avatar
    ellie says:

    It is truly amazing how quickly things can change. We really don’t realize all that has changed until we look back. Thanks for the reminder!

  9.  avatar
    EFY says:

    You are so right that change will be a part of marriages/any life. And truly, giving the pain of the hard changes to God frees us to move ahead toward glorifying Him ~ the whole purpose of our lives. Blessings

  10.  avatar
    steph pitts says:

    Thank you for the blog. Changes in marriage will come it is how we handle them that makes all the difference. Trust god and let him let you see the beauty in the place he has placed you and the season. It is not by accident you are there. Thank you for the reminder. Your blogs are so uplifting and encouraging. God bless

  11.  avatar
    Kristie T says:

    Best of luck with the new book! And thank you for the lovely giveaways! God bless you as you have blessed others!

  12.  avatar
    Maria W. says:

    Half way through my marriage of 43 years, one of our four sons died. I learned a lot from that time because God came very near to me to minister that He loved me. Knowing this made an incredible impact on my life and I knew and felt His tangible grace to get through that valley in our marriage. We grew closer to the Lord and to each other. His grace is sufficient for every thing we face in our marriage and I’ve learned that I can trust Him with the details of my life. Thank you for this post that reminds us to lay our burdens down and leave them at His feet.

  13.  avatar
    Christy says:

    Why, when not only do we have the precious promises of Scripture, but also God has proven Himself faithful time and time again in things both big & small, do we panic when trials come our way? While we wouldn’t desire trials to come our way, that’s often where we sense His presence most closely and yet, to be spared from them is the focus of so many of my prayers! I’m a very slow learner sometimes! 🙂

  14.  avatar
    Diane N says:

    We will be married 25 years this November and there have been so many changes in that time…some good, some horrendous. I have truly found that leaning on the Lord is the only to get through them!! I have to let go of my expectations of how my life should be and allow Him to control it for me. It’s not easy, but always worth it! We have found that leaning on each other as we lean on Him makes all the difference, step by step, day by day.

  15.  avatar
    Alice says:

    Thanks for an encouraging post this morning. My husband and I have experienced major challenges in our marriage. When we didn’t know how or IF we would make it through these challenges, we called out to God, trusted Him, and prayed. God is faithful, and while He hasn’t removed all the challenges we face, we know we are not alone. He is there and in control. We’ll continue to do what we need to do, but then we rest in the knowledge of God’s character, His omnipotence, His love, and His mercy.

  16.  avatar
    Marianne Pitchford says:

    Ahhhh….change, we know it well….a year ago we moved to Alaska for a pastoral position for my husband….now we await a trip to Taiwan to adopt a little man, 8 years old, to add to our 9 year old son from China…..change is a-comin’ and this was a good word! Thank you!

  17.  avatar
    Heather says:

    Thank you so much for this post! It was so very helpful to our current situation.

    I love reading all of you posts!

  18.  avatar
    Lindsey says:

    Exactly the thing I needed to read this morning. Going through some emotionally tough things right now and putting all my faith and focus on God and all of his many blessings. Thank you!

  19.  avatar
    Brittany Jackson says:

    This is a great post! I was working on a novel in this comment box about the change that is going on in my life when all of a sudden I stopped in my tracks and erased it all. This morning during prayer and my quiet time with God I gave all the change in mine and my husband and families life up to Him. So then I thought if I keep typing this and wallowing in it.. did I give it up to Him? So, Darlene, thank you so much for the scriptures that you pointed out! Those will be meditated on and pulled out when I am feeling the overwhelming of change and busyness going on. I am giving it up to The Lord and relying on His word. He will give me peace! He already has through this post and Courtney Joseph’s with confirmation that he hears me and is listening. Thank you so much for letting God use you as a tool for reaching out and mentoring young (and older) moms and wives!! 🙂 <3

  20.  avatar
    Nancy says:

    My husband and I have been through about 8 moves, 2 across the country and a diagnosis of MS. With our cultural differences, we struggle often with embracing our changes as well as grace towards each other. I have changd so much since reading all of your blogs and with the daily prayers. For that, I thank you!!

  21.  avatar
    Misti says:

    Thank you for being open to the Holy Spirit’s direction, and writing this post. It is a great encouragement to me. I’ve only been married for less than 3 months now, but it’s amazing how much change God has already brought about in our lives. I can’t imagine how people deal with these kinds of things when they don’t have the hope and grace of God to turn to!

  22.  avatar
    Sherry says:

    I’m grateful for the changes that have occurred in me since I married my husband. He is the reason for many of the changes, and of course with each child, there are more changes that happen in me. I didn’t know it before I was married, but I NEEDED to change….a whole lot! Thank you, Lord, for bringing the changes (gradually) into my life to make me more like Him (still a journey in that process….more changes to come, but I’ll embrace those too!).

  23.  avatar
    Lisa S. says:

    I am so enjoying the series! Thank you, also, for the give aways. I am hoping I can inspire others through FB to join the series. So many struggle.

  24.  avatar
    Nicole Stevenson says:

    Great reminder. I have undergone a lot of change in the past year. It was a good reminder to me to let go of things.

  25.  avatar
    Sharion C says:

    How awesome is our GOD !!! I HE knew this was just the reminder that I needed today !! I have been feeling so overwhelmed and worried about changes in my marriage …… but thank GOD !! He provides all that we need al the time and I certainly needed this today. May he continue to bless you and yours !!Thanks again

    Sharion

  26.  avatar
    Sabra Penley says:

    After 36 years of marriage, I’m learning change is a way of life! Some changes have been wonderful…some not so much. But with each change, I’m learning to draw closer to the Lord–because I NEED HIM! So thankful He knows the whole plan! And that His grace gives us everything we need to embrace His changes and become more like him. Thanks for sharing this today, Darlene.

  27.  avatar
    Thalia says:

    My husband and I have been married for 13 years and raised our blended family, all 5 children between the two of us, during that time. We recently experienced a major change in our lives when the youngest of our kids, our only daughter, asked us to move. With her four brothers grown and on their own, we downsized to a smaller home closer to relatives. In the midst of moving, our daughter completely changed her mind and chose to spend her last two years of school living with her biological dad and his new family. Talk about unexpected changes! Suddenly, my husband and I became early empty-nesters. This took some major adjusting because when you expect things to go a certain way, according to plan, it’s quite a jolt to lose control and be knocked back by the unexpected. At first, it was difficult and I still struggle with my daughter’s decision (especially considering that my ex was manipulative and abusive) but I’m learning to leave it in God’s hands. It’s hard but it’s not impossible.

  28.  avatar
    Lisa says:

    Love this–“But unless I encourage you to embrace God fully those steps would be nothing but empty words on a paper. We need more than that. He wants more than that..” Thanks for the encouragement!

  29.  avatar
    Lori Payer says:

    The last few years have been filled with a lot of change. My hubby and I have found that reaching for each other during this time and trusting in the Lord is the only way to get through.

  30.  avatar
    Barbara says:

    “I didn’t expect to get into all of this when I started writing this post. In fact I was almost completely finished writing a different post when I was led in this direction -“.
    Thank you for following His direction.

  31.  avatar
    Sonya says:

    Yesterday I began a prayer journal for my husband. By praying to God for him, I am releasing my hold over those things that irritate me and I know as I look back at the journal in the months and years to come, a change will be evident – more than likely in myself.

  32.  avatar
    Christine A says:

    I’m still in the dating phase right now, but I love your articles as I want to gain all the wisdom I can before beginning the journey of marriage! This article in particular speaks to me because I tend to cling to the old and familiar rather than embracing change.

  33.  avatar
    Kristy Jensen says:

    My marriage has had ups and downs. Some times have been so hard that I thought it couldn’t get any worse. God pulled us through it and we are still a work in progress.

  34.  avatar
    Laura Wong says:

    I love your site. When I need to refocus on my marriage or have inspiration, I look for your blog/site. Thanks!

  35.  avatar
    Cassie D says:

    We have had a WHOLE LOT of change in our marriage. There has been a lot just in the recent months even. We are currently dealing with our 17 yo son making poor choices and given an option to do as he was expected, be part of our family, respect me, ect or he could choose to move in with his dad. He chose his dad. He moved out more than a month ago and has basically cut me out of his life. It has been extremely hard but I am trusting my God to redeem this relationship in His time. Thank your the chances to win all the marvelous items this month.

  36.  avatar
    Wandq says:

    Change can be difficult but at the end of the day we all know that God is still in control. Romans 8:28
    May God bless you all!!

  37.  avatar
    Ryan R says:

    I eagerly look forward to your posts. My husband and I have both learned so much. (P.S. and yes, Ryan is my real name and yes, I am a woman, wife and mom) LOL

  38.  avatar
    Jennie says:

    Love the basket, my Husben and I were just talking that it’s been a long time scents we have been on a picnic. Thanks for the give away and article.

  39.  avatar
    Aracelly says:

    Blessings and Thank you for the blog today, I felt I was taking my hubby for granted but the Lord reminded me he has given my husband not only as a gift but someone to fulfill a promise with and a ministry with.

  40.  avatar
    Tammy says:

    I am thankful for the change in my marriage and myself; obstacles have strengthened my relationship with God. I wish I had been open to change earlier n my marriage; this blog and others have helped to open my heart.

  41.  avatar
    Bunny says:

    We have been married for 37 years and I think our marriage has gone through more changes over the last 4 years than the previous 33. They haven’t all been great, but thanks to God and our unconditional love for each other, we just keep growing closer to each other.

  42.  avatar
    Cyndi Salmon says:

    This book can encourage those who have been married for many years. Going on 33 years. We are still a work in progress, focusing on god.

  43.  avatar
    Cyndi Salmon says:

    Honesty sometimes hurts. Truth: My husband and I sat with our pastor for counseling after 33 years of a troubled marriage. His diagnosis: We have a graceless marriage. Doubt: Can my marriage be saved? I cling to Jesus and read most everything you write. Truth: God can fix a broken marriage.

  44.  avatar
    Abby de Jager says:

    My husband and I are struggling…We’ve recently come to the conclusion that we may have to move closer to my family or divorce…neither option actually works well or feels 100% right. I asked him the question: “Can we make this work?” and (thank the Holy Spirit for intervening) he responded with “Give me one month and I will show you we can.” So here we are “working” on things. Just not sure what to do next, so I want to read Darlene’s new book. Hubby is busy reading the Love Dare.

  45.  avatar
    Shondale says:

    We’re going through some very difficult changes. In order to pay piling bills and taxes, I’ve had to leave the country to find work. We’ve only been married four years and our distance is putting a strain on our marriage. But I have faith, and I love my husband more than ever. I won’t give up!

  46.  avatar
    Judith says:

    Thank you. Just what I needed. Been going through a rough situation with my husband but already there has been good change too.

  47.  avatar
    Hannah says:

    I am about to face one of the biggest changes of my life… moving from my home New Zealand to follow my husband to his home, America! I know that He will be my strength in this transition! Thank you for these words of encouragement and advice.

  48.  avatar
    Courtney says:

    I just wanted to thank you for this post…it really hit home. I have been struggling a lot lately to do this very thing. My husband and I are having marital problems and I have been carrying the burden way too long and is has weighed me down more than I should have ever allowed. Where he is not a Christian but I am and I need to start reminding myself to leave all the burdens at the throne and to let God take care of them. Thank you very much this is exactly what I needed to hear. <3

  49.  avatar
    Idania De Jesus says:

    Embrace change…boy have I had so much in my life lately, that if I didn’t embrace it, by the grace of God, I wouldn’t have survived it. Great encouraging words.

  50.  avatar
    Jennifer Overstreet says:

    Thank you for being an encouragement to women. I know that I need it and need am always encouraged and/or convicted when I come here.

  51.  avatar
    Rosey J says:

    Football watching and dove hunting with my best friend today!! Love the inspiration for Godly marriage your blog provides. Thank you!!

  52.  avatar
    cris says:

    YES! Marriage continues to change over the years…the ups and downs, easier and harder times. Looking back now through the years, I am so blessed that my husband and I have been best friends.
    Thank you for your words.

  53.  avatar
    Barb says:

    I have been so encouraged by your articles and website! A few years ago my husband and I made some major life style changes as we’re growing in the Lord. Our families don’t accept it well and it caused us to become even more dependent on our Lord. Isn’t it amazing how perfect God’s plan is? We need Him much more than the acceptance of our families. So thanks again for encouraging us to look to the Lord and also how important it is to maintain our marriages.

  54.  avatar
    Dorothy says:

    I liked Sonya’s idea of a prayer journal, specifically for my husband. Hopefully this will allow me to write down things, & LEAVE THEM WITH GOD, instead of going over & over them throughout the day! I’m driving myself crazy! I say I trust God, but I can’t seem to leave some situations in His hands . . .

  55.  avatar

    Dear Darlene,

    “unless I encourage you to embrace God fully those steps would be nothing but empty words on a paper.”
    Thank you for always pointing us to God in your writing. It is that relationship with Him that gives us something to cling to when we come fact to face with change. It is not our faith that holds us through. But it is faith in the God that walks with us and holds us up through our daily, hourly, moment by moment walk with Him.

  56.  avatar
    Steph says:

    Thank you so much for this post! I really needed this and forwarded it to my husband as well. We have been going through a rough time as we (our 17 month old too!) have been living with his parents for the past year while we look for a home to buy. We finally found one and are in the process of buying it, but it seems the stress is only increasing as we bicker about paint colors and trivial things. I think we’re both just nervous about our first home purchase. Thank you for reminding me God is in control and I need to focus on being my husband’s friend.

  57.  avatar
    Bree says:

    What and exciting time for you this season! I have enjoyed reading and being a part of what you are all doing for the past few months. I wish I woukd I would have found you sooner! Thank you for your honest heart and open sharing. It is a great help to us just starting out on this journey!

  58.  avatar
    Kristina says:

    I have heard many good things about your book and have not been able to purchase it , I hope someday too, in the near future 🙂 You have tremendous courage for sharing the most intimate part(s) of your marriage. Thank you for allowing us a glimpse of your life 🙂 May the Lord be the center of your family and in the wholeness of your heart 🙂

  59.  avatar
    AJ says:

    Thank you soo much for the beautiful reminder of Messy and Beautiful together! You are truly an inspiration! I especially love the way you end your posts: You are loved by an Almighty God!
    Thanks for the reminder to take time and PRAY for our marriages.
    Hope someone else who might be feeling overwhelmed at home can be helped by the following suggestion:
    Getting on the Flylady (Myra Cilley) e-mail list has helped me in practical ways to keep up with an encouraging household plan to tame the actual day-to-day messes of family life.
    God bless you Darlene and all those reading along!

  60.  avatar
    Tammy Ayala says:

    I have followed you for several years now and I can’t begin to thank you enough for all of your encouraging words and wisdom. I have applied it to my own marriage and life and I’m excited to use more of your tools in the future! THANK YOU for being such a Godly inspiration to so many.

  61.  avatar
    Dixie says:

    Thank you, Darlene for encouraging me in praying, building my faith in God and in strengthening our 42 year marriage. Although my husband in not trusting God at this time I pray I am not an hindrance to his salvation and dependence on God. I thank God our children and spouses are Christ followers and leading our grandsons to know Him.
    Thank you for this sharing God’s love through this blog and your book, ” Messy Beautiful Love” and friendship of other Christian bloggers. God bless you more!

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