7 Ways to Keep Pride From Destroying Your Marriage



Every time I write about marriage, it always seems that I’m coming back to the topic of pride. Every time I have a disagreement with Michael, I’m holding on to my pride. And every time I choose to love well, I have to let go of that pride.

What is this monster, and why does it have such a hold on my heart?

We live in a society where humility is looked down upon. It’s misunderstood and deemed to be weak. People want to be seen, they want to be heard, they want to be known.

The focus on self is greater by far than a focus on others. Headlines and how-to articles are laden with topics like self-esteem, self-worth, self-importance, self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-confidence, self-help, self-made, self-improvement, self-respect, self-sufficient, and the list goes on… Little focus is given to caring for others.

We’re more concerned about transforming our bodies than we are about transforming our hearts. We’re more concerned about loving the skin we’re in than confessing the sin we’re in. We’re more concerned about aging well than living well. And we’re more concerned about self-discovery than we are about discovering the truth in God’s Word.

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? – Romans 7:24

It’s no wonder the Bible doesn’t make sense to most people–it’s the opposite of everything we’ve come to understand in this life.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. – Philippians 2:3

Who could understand a God who humbles Himself, and calls us to do the same? Who could understand a love that’s undeserved and freely given?

Scripture after scripture is a reminder to walk in humility, to esteem others higher than ourselves, and to cultivate the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

Christ-Cantered love strengthens the bond between a husband and wife, but when pride gains a foothold, it divides people and weakens a marriage.

Let’s look at 7 ways to keep pride from destroying your marriage:

  1. Stay Christ-centered. Meditate on the Word. Practice the virtues of patience, and kindness, and love.
  2. Let go of your need to be right. Winning the heart of your husband is far more important than winning an argument. Let go of your need to have the last word.
  3. Eliminate a critical spirit. It can become a bad habit, which is why we need to keep this in check. Strive to be encouraging and look for the best in each other.
  4. Stop keeping score. Don’t focus on keeping score in your marriage. Be willing to give more than you get.
  5. Admit when you’re wrong. Don’t hold back on apologies, be willing to admit when you’re wrong.
  6. Hold out an olive branch. When you have disagreements, step out and do or say something that leads to reconciliation. This can quickly turn a bad day into a good one.
  7. Be willing to grow. Listen and learn. Husbands and wives have a lot to learn from each other. We benefit from change if we’re willing to learn.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife


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Written by Darlene Schacht

I'm an Evangelical Christian whose number one priority is to serve Jesus Christ in every area of my life. My husband Michael and I live in Manitoba Canada. Married 25 years, we have four children (three still at home), a bird and two pugs who are everyone's babies, especially mine! Our lives are basically surrounded with three things: our faith, music and everything books. I’m an award winning and New York Times best-selling author who is nothing without the grace of God. Facebook: timewarpwife Twitter: timewarpwife Pinterest: timewarpwife


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    Kathy says:

    Most people want to say…Oh, this is just too hard! But, it’s not. I have implemented some of this into my marriage and it makes us both much happier. Marriage is not easy but it can be happy. Like everything else in life, if you want it to be great, it’s work. My husband and I have been married nineteen and a half years and it took a lot to get to the point of realizing it matters what we say and how we treat each other. I can say we are very happy now, but there were times we weren’t. I thank God for showing us how to truly love.

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    Joycelyn says:

    Wow! I can’t believe it. 5 of the 7 ways you posted showed me that I am very prideful and need to change if I want my marriage to heal.

    I don’t believe in coincidences, so I know this post was a God send.
    Thanks Darlene

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    B says:

    Darlene, the Lord doesn’t cease in giving you awesome and such edifying things to write about! So encouraging! I am so thankful for your blog that so spurs me on in being a better wife!
    – B

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    Islem Taveras says:

    Oh Darlene, God has just spoken to me. He has struck me so hard with these words. I needed them TODAY, RIGHT NOW!!

    I thank the Lord for you, my sister, for having used you in such a powerful way to speak to me! Thank you for allowing HIM to use you in that way!

    Darlene, I would love to share this on my Facebook, but 90% of my contacts there speak only Spanish. Would you give me permission to share this post (the regular way) PLUS the translation into Spanish in the text portion of the Facebook post? We so need resources like yours for Spanish speakers!

    Thank you!!

    In the meantime, I’ll be praying my soul to the Lord for the removal of this pride in me… WOW!

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    Cheryl Rule says:

    Thank You Darlene! I have benefited greatly from your blog!! I am new to getting the newsletter. It has been a “shot in the arm” I have needed. Thank you, Cheryl

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    Charlie says:

    Hello what do you do if your spouse never apologizes for hurting you? What is the Christian way of resolving this?

    • I think that depends on what “hurting” means. If you are in any kind of danger, I encourage you to speak to someone right away. Someone who can lead you to safely. Also if you are continually being insulted or ignored by someone, it’s important to have a wise person in your life who can offer you encouragement.

      I encourage you to read Matthew 18, where we find these scriptures:

      Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. – Matthew 18:21-22

      If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. – Matthew 18:15-17

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