I woke up feeling blue today. I wasn’t really sure why. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it other than the fact that I had a few stressful dreams.
I dreamed I was preparing a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. There was a large group of people to feed, and I was failing at best. They were waiting at the table for me and it seemed like everything I tried to do was undone. Not enough meat, not enough variety, not enough hands… The turkey was huge, but once I carved it, the platter was empty. I finally got it all out on the table and realized that I forgot the gravy. I woke up feeling frustrated and ready to push the dream aside, but it was nagging at me all morning.
Then God revealed it to me. You were my guests, the food was the Word, and the table was this world wide web I’m serving it on. I know that people need to be fed, but somedays I feel like the dishes I serve just don’t measure up.
Sometimes you don’t realize what’s nagging at you until God brings it to your attention, and I guess that’s where I’ve been the last few weeks.
When I started blogging, the internet was a much different place. I was about 37 at the time, and I’m 52 now, which means I’ve been blogging for 15 years.
I started in a little corner of the web with a blog called, “What Would Jesus Blog?” After that, I started one of the first Christian online magazines called, “Christian Women Online.” The internet was a much quieter place where ideas had room to grow, and for some reason, I had plenty of them.
It’s busier now, and most days I feel stagnant. Time-Warp Wife is a small voice in a ginormous crowd. It’s been three weeks, and the truth is that I haven’t felt worthy enough to step back into this ministry.
Satan’s whispered in my ear more than once. Rather than tuning him out, I’ve let his words of discouragement separate me from this ministry for nearly a month.
Paul writes, “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14, NIV
Unfortunately, I’ve been more focused on what’s going on beside me than what lies ahead. I see amazing bloggers with fresh ideas, and it slows me down. I see branding with all of the bells and whistles, and I take one step back instead of pressing forward. I see corporate websites with hundreds of employees reaching millions of people a day… but then I see my Savior and a handful of twelve faithful followers, and I realize that God’s wisdom excels mine in ways I’ll never even begin to understand. He gives me hope to press on.
And so I’m pressing on in 2018, to finish the work God has called me to. I’m working my way through Exodus again. We did this study a couple of years ago, but the format for my Bible studies was different at that time, and so I’m in the process of creating a study guide for you. The book of Exodus is an incredible Bible study, that I’m sure you’ll love! Make sure you subscribe (click here) so you’ll know when it’s ready.
And, will you pray for me through the next few weeks? Pray that God will light a fire within me, that He will help me to focus on the work HE gives me to do, and that He would encourage me to press on.
Finally, my mom is dying of cancer. Could I ask for your prayers again, sweet friends? Not so much for myself, but that God would grant mom strength and comfort during this difficult time she’s facing.
You are loved by an almighty God,
The Time-Warp Wife