Drawn from my archives
My daughter came home from school one day with an interesting story about her teacher. Long story short, the teacher used to sleep with a gun by their side while her husband slept close to a bat. In response to a serious threat, they were fiercely protecting their children.
After she finished her story, I looked over at my daughter and said, “Well, honey, a mama bear will go to great lengths to protect her cubs.”
Mama bears are affectionate, protective, nurturing, and strict, but if they sense that their cubs are in danger, look out–they’re fierce.
After 22 years of raising children I’ve seen it in action time and again. You don’t mess with someone’s kid on the playground unless you want to spend time with their mom in the principles office.
Unfortunately, what we’re not seeing enough of are couples protecting their marriage as fiercely as they would their kids.
I’ve seen countless women who are affectionate, protective, and nurturing mothers, but I’ve also seen many women step out of their marriage because it simply wasn’t fulfilling their needs.
I’m not talking about abusive relationships here, that’s an issue that needs to be reported and dealt with wisely.
What I am talking about today is a husband and wife’s responsibility to protect their marriage from harm, and in some cases protect it from their own selfish desire and pride.
Titus 2:5 tells women to be good “keepers” of their home.
The word keeper there is, oikourgos (Strong’s G3626) in the Greek translation. It’s a compound word formed from the root words, oikos (Strong’s G3624) house, and ouros – to guard or be ware.
See the use of that word “ouros” again in this verse:
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. – 1 Peter 1:5
It means to guard, protect, and shield.
In much the same way, we are to instructed to guard and protect our home (that includes our marriage) from harm.
Here’s something important to note about a watchman: he isn’t reactive–he’s proactive. He doesn’t wait until the enemy is upon them to sound the alarm. A watchman climbs the tower at the city gates, and he carefully watches. He knows that danger could be lurking around the corner at any time and it’s his job keep an eye out for it.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: – 1 Peter 5:8
With that in mind, let’s look at five ways to start protecting your marriage:
1. Pray often and pray together – We have been given the incredible opportunity to enter the throne room, and bring our marriage before the King of all Kings. When we stop to consider how valuable this gift is, you have to wonder why it’s ever a last resort.
2. Pay attention to each other’s needs – Unresolved hurt and anger can take root in a person’s heart. Communicate wisely by listening to each other and being sensitive to the needs of your spouse.
3. Be careful about outside relationships – Innocent friendships can easily escalate between men and women. Honour God and honour your spouse by keeping a safe distance.
4. Pull back the reigns on social media – Don’t let the internet become a priority in your home. Practice putting down your phone when you’re together and closing the laptop for some face-to-face time.
5. Control Your Thoughts – Don’t keep a mental record of wrongs. Don’t harbour resentment. Don’t feed unforgiveness. Don’t entertain thoughts of divorce. Don’t entertain thoughts of infedelity. Control your thoughts by taking them captive. Don’t let your thoughts control you–control them. Bring them into obedience. Defy them with the truth of scripture. Stand strong. James 4:7 tells us to, “resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Yes–those thoughts can be defeated. Keep fighting.
And here’s another scripture, that’s perfect to close with:
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. – 2 Corinthians 10:5&6
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Pick up a copy of my book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages.*
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Click here for today’s marriage prayer:
Thank you for this wisdom! God is yet again answering prayers!! I will keep this in my heart and remember to guard more diligently, as I haven’t been guarding enough. As a homeschool Mom of three and working two days a week, I tend to not work so diligently in this area. Thank you for putting it so plainly and reminding me to enter THE THRONE OF GRACE to ask for the grace and strength I need. My God bless you and continue to use you with this ministry. 😉
Darlene, your wisdom through God is so enriching. I look forward to it every day. I needed this wisdom 15 years ago.. however I am thankful that I have it now…
Rebuilding through faith..
Your name is a great fit with today’s post, memabear! Thanks for the sweet encouragement.
What a good reminder. We can tend to take our marriage for granted when we tend all day to growing, needy children, but it is necessary to be proactive. Thanks for the great post!
After my husband and I exchanged our vows, and right before the minister pronounced us husband and wife, the minister said to the entire church “I charge you (the people who attended our wedding) to respect their marriage and respect their vows. I thought that was sacred and just perfect the way they made our vows sound perfect!
I love that!
But what do you do when your husband is not interested in praying with you, spending time with you, talking, or even looking at you? What can you do when you have tried everything you read and some of those are not even options bc the other person has no interest? Even though he claims to be a Christian
I’m reminded of this verse, “Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.” – Ecclesiastes 11:6
Your prayers will never go unheard. I would suggest developing a strong prayer life of your own. You do your part and trust God with the rest.
That is wonderful advice. I’m in the same predicament as above. My husband has lost all interest in me. He spends all his time on his phone…social media. He is saved. He has rejected God and me. I haven’t given up. I pray continually. 8 years today…the past 8 months have been the hardest. Thank you for your post and encouragement.
A, I’m so sorry to read this. My heart breaks for you. I’ll be praying for you tonight!
Yep it’s hard when your husband is also addicted to porn. It’s a big problem with most men and the church doesn’t address it. I would go as far to say most preachers are addicted too, there for they don’t preach against it. If it were mainly a issue for women, it would be preached about all day. I’m tired of it being on the wife to make the relationship better. Men need to step up. Become the leaders of the home. Your wife is not your momma or porn star. Ok rant over
I think small groups seem to handle this better, but so many aren’t going to them. I wish we had more mentorship within the church. Thanks for your thoughts!
Wat will u do if u caught ur husband in infidelity acts n he keep ranting he knows nothing about it.instead of keeping it low,he tends to shout about it,so dat u now turn out to be the victim here.using the shouting as and excuse to get away from the discussion.wat would u do? From Nigeria
This is what the Bible says about confronting a sinner: “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.” Matthew 18:15-19.
Dear Darlene,
Thank you for this article. I believe the watchman sometimes gets weary climbing the watch tower.but I am encouraged that we have our High Priest with us in prayer, etc, and His Spirit with us each step of the way. I am encouraged that there are women keeping their marriages in this wicked generation. Thank you all.
Pamela, Uganda
Thanks for th post but to be honest I don’t feel encouraged. I just feel that this is one more post telling me to do all the work for both of us while he gets away score free. When does it end,i am tired… of being mom to everyone,prayer warrior for all,teacher,tutor, cleaning. lady,sex partner all this without a word of appreciation and still being taken for granted. When I try to resolve/talk about things I am called a nag. When I say we should be careful in our relationships with others, I am insecure or have inferiority complex. It’s like I never win,always being placed second. 10 years in December but the last 7 months have been the hardest. I am sorry but I can’t help but feel resentful,bitter and angry.
Hey Anne. I hope im not too late with this but here I once felt that way and God told me that with great power comes great responsibility, which is also true vice_versa.
Jeremiah 31:22 How long will you go about,Oh you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has created a new thing in the earth, A woman shall compass a man.
God has given us the greatest responsibility to direct (compass) the men in our lives. From our sons to our husbands.
Here is another one
1 Corinth 11 9:10 Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man, For this cause a woman ought to have power over her head because of the angels.
Let us not get weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap.
Hey Anne. I hope im not too late with this but here I once felt that way and God told me that with great power comes great responsibility, which is also true vice_versa.
Jeremiah 31:22 How long will you go about,Oh you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has created a new thing in the earth, A woman shall compass a man.
God has given us the greatest responsibility to direct (compass) the men in our lives. From our sons to our husbands.
Here is another one
1 Corinth 11 9:10 Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man, For this cause a woman ought to have power over her head because of the angels.
Let us not get weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap.