Just like you and daddy.

That’s the kind of marriage she said she’d always wanted. She wanted to love, to laugh, and to hold on the way he and I did. She was only a little girl.

Now here she stands a young woman.

So I find each day I’ve got some thought on love and and loving that I want to share with her. Suddenly it feels more urgent to pack in everything I’ve ever wanted her to know.

But I found myself a bit hesitant to say what was on my heart on this particular day. She pressed me, “What, Mama? What is it?”

I answered slowly and carefully. “I think you should know that some day, at some point, your dream man is going to say or do something that’s going to make you mad. M-A-D. Mad.”

She looked up at me without understanding.

And I continued.

“Well, I know it’s hard to imagine right now, but you should be ready for the eventuality that he WILL infuriate you. As in, make you a little crazy. And when that happens, I want you to remember our conversation today.

Because if you’re not prepared? It might throw you off. Knock you off your feet. Make you wonder if you’re really meant for each other.”

I felt her lean into me. For a brief moment she was my little girl again, but only for a moment. Then this lovely young woman beside me asked, “But what…what if we were really, really determined to love each other. Like you and dad. Then he wouldn’t make me crazy-mad would he?”

Maybe not. Maybe she’ll be different than me. Different than you.

But I kinda doubt it.

So rather than wistfully hoping we’ll never get angry with him, why not prepare ourselves for what to do “if” that happens? You know, in case he ever hurts your feelings. Forgets your birthday. Picks up annoying habits. Leaves his laundry on the floor – for the hundredth time. Says the wrong thing. Or something strange like that.

What then?

1.  Wait until you cool down. Before saying or doing anything. A really good first step.

2.  Pray about it. Yes, I really mean that. Prayer can settle your soul and clarify your thinking. Pray for him and pray for yourself.

3.  Determine whether it’s worth “fighting” for. It might simply be an offense you can overlook. Or maybe not.

If not….

4.  Clearly identify the issue. Maybe it was only a “small” thing, but it’s significant to you for your own reasons. Be ready to explain those reasons the best you can.

5.  Approach him in love. This means not coming after him with eyes blazing (see #1).

6.  Be prepared to listen. He might – just might – have his own side to the story. Hear him out too.

7.  Give him time. He could need to think about it (and keep praying while he’s thinkin’!).

8.  Be ready to forgive. Not necessarily because he deserves it. Or that it’s easy. But because you’ve been forgiven much too.

9.  Let it go. Don’t hold on and let bitterness take root. And don’t throw it in his face the next time it happens (Did I say “next time”…? Ugh.).

10. Choose to love him. All over again. And then again.

Hopefully you’re not like me. You’re even-keeled and nothing ever bugs you or hurts your feelings. You never get mad or frustrated with him. It’s smooth-sailing for you and I’m so glad that it is. Truly.

But for those of you – like my daughter – who struggle with much the same things as me? You  might want to consider taking these Ten Steps.

Because if you’re gonna go crazy, I say you might as well be crazy for him.

In His grace,

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