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10 Ways to Win Your Spouse Over

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Do you need a revival? Do you ever feel like your marriage is dying? Do you feel like it’s way past dead? Or maybe you’ve simply lost the spark you once had.

Turning to the scriptures, I read Ezekiel 37:1-14, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is sovereign. He holds the power of life and death in His hands. Nothing is too difficult for Him.

God gives Ezekiel a vision. He is sent down to the valley full of bones. The Bible refers to them as “dry bones.” In other words, they were way past dead.

Right there and then, God asked Ezekiel, “Can these bones live?”

His answer? “Oh Lord God, thou knowest.”

Are you ready to say the same thing? Can your marriage survive? Could it come back to life?

The vision goes on to show him how they came to life. They rose to their feet. They were an exceeding great army.

I get goosebumps when I read this. I want to stand up and shout “hallelujah,” but my family’s in bed, so I’m keeping it down and typing as fast as I can.

Listen to this:

And ye shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O my people, and brought you up out of your graves, and shall put my spirit in you, and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land: then shall ye know that I the Lord have spoken it, and performed it, saith the Lord.” Ezekiel 37:13-14

God specializes in miracles. He replaces the stench of death with life. He gives hope where all hope is lost.

He wants to breath life into His people. And yes, that includes your marriage.

1 Peter 3 talks about husbands and wives. Peters instructs men to honor their wives, and reminds women that our lifestyle can have a great impact on our husbands. Day after day we have an opportunity to build up our husbands, to draw them closer to God, and to win them over.

Living well is counter-culture. It’s not easy, especially when you have a spouse that’s emotionally disconnected. Winning our husbands over might cost us a lot, but I know that it’s worth it. I’ve seen the glorious resurrection of a transformed marriage. I’ve seen dry bones come to life. I’ve felt the power of God at work in my heart.

I have a husband that was willing to fight when the going got tough. I have a man that stuck with me for better or worse. I have a husband that drew me closer to God than I ever imagined was possible.

Maybe you don’t. But maybe God’s calling you to be that person.

Can these bones live?

Oh, Lord God, thou knowest.

Finally let’s look at ten practical ways to start winning our husbands over.

1. Don’t compare him to other men. He’s uniquely created.

2. Don’t try to fix him. Fixing is God’s job. Loving is ours.

3. Pray for him daily. God is able to do more than you could ever do on your own. Remember, prayer is not a last resort–it’s a vital part of your marriage.

4. Grow spiritually. Focus on your relationship with God. Let Him transform you into the wife you were created to be.

5. Pursue him like you did when you met him. What did you do to win his heart? How are you different?

6. Encourage him often. Even if you don’t think he has merit, start looking for some.

7. Take care of your home. Put a little effort into making your home comfortable.

8. Don’t flirt with other men. Draw boundaries that you’d both be comfortable with.

9. Out serve him. Give more than you’re given. Forgive before you’re forgiven.

10. Kick your attitude up a notch. If you have a bad attitude or a mediocre one, work on improving it. Be kind, positive, gentle, compassionate, and patient.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

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21 Comments

  • ivy Nora Gitau

    I’m married for 9 months now.I’m learning alot about marriage,they say marriage is a school,so everyday my husband and I are learning each other, I would like to participate in the 31 days of praying

  • Jenny Rutan

    This is such an awesome devotion Darlene. I have applied it to my marriage and for 3 years now we have been walking in the valley of the living!!! Praise Jesus!

    Can I ask you…Can this also be applied to low self-esteem/self-worth as well?

    Thank you and God bless you and your AWESOME ministry!

  • Mary

    Just Great! I so enjoy reading your material. This last one made me go to God immediately and pray for my husband and then for our situation. God knows, that’s just wonderful and makes my heart flutter. Oh what an adventure here on earth, but I can’t wait to see Him in heaven ” the One who saved me by His grace”

  • Heather P

    I recently purchased the book “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage” and it really applies to us. I am grateful for your post today and know that it may not happen when I want it to happen. Very hard road to travel, but worth it in the long run. 🙂

  • Amber

    I need answers for my marriage… I don’t know what God would have me do, I’ve been asking, I can’t hear him… I love this article and the scripture is inspiring.

    • Darlene Schacht

      We can’t always hear God speaking. Sometimes He’s quiet. Perhaps you can find a wise woman that you know will encourage you in your marriage and start talking with her?

  • Jess

    Thank you for posting this! I am at a very difficult crossroads in my marriage. I have been giving of myself for 10 years wondering when it will be reciprocated, I become more selfless as he becomes more selfish and I am broken. I have found myself at all hours of the night reading and re-reading your posts because they seem like the only thing that gives me hope (along with lots of prayer).

    Please keep me in your prayers because I don’t want to give up! It’s never been an option before but I fear I am becoming someone I really don’t want to be. Prayers appreciated!

    • Darlene Schacht

      Jess, I will be praying for you. When we look to others for our reward we’re so often disappointed. Some people work their whole lives sharing God’s love and never see the fruit of their labour. But HE sees you. He sees your broken heart. He sees your brokenness. He cares for you. Take a look around you tomorrow and try to see the gifts that God is sending your way. They might be things you normally overlook like a flower springing up in your garden or encouragement from an old friend. When we focus on Him we find joy.

  • Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    Darlene, this is a beautiful testimony of God’s power to resurrect that which is dead! I have read your book and experienced a revival in my own marriage. The key is surrendering our marriages to Him.

    All of these are excellent tips, but I love #2-4 the best. Drawing near to God and allowing Him to work on us first is an important step as well as allowing the Holy Spirit to grow and change our husbands rather than us feeling that it is our job.

    We cannot say enough about the power of praying for our marriages, our spouses, and our families, can we?

    Thank you, again, for another encouraging post. I so appreciate your heart for healthy, happy, Godly marriages!

    May He continue to fill your cups to overflowing!

  • Stacy

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. My husband and I have been separated for a year and A half. I pray day and night not only for our marriage but for him as well. He says he has just lost all faith in the bible, in our marriage and in me. I believe with all my heart that God will restore our marriage but there are some days like I just feel like I’m losing all hope. Please pray for my husband and myself and that God will restore our marriage.

  • Heather

    I really needed these words this morning. My husband and I have been separated since January, and are divorcing. It’s supposed to be final Oct 1. I believe God hears my prayers, and those of the wonderful people praying for us. I ask you to lift us up, too, please. We’ve been married 5 years, and have one child together, plus I helped him get custody of his daughter a couple of years ago.

  • Sharon

    I read this and almost started crying because one of my biggest mistakes was trying to change him when God is the only one who can, and now we’ve been separated 3 months and are divorcing. It finalizes Nov 19. I believe in miracles and that if you pray, believe, and have faith in Jesus he will do the rest. I just hope that we are making the right choice.