3 Phrases That Show Your Husband Respect

Although I am not a big television sitcom watcher, occasionally when I do catch an episode, I am horrified at the way the actresses who portray the wives speak to and about their on-screen husbands.

They nag. Belittle. Insult their intelligence. Or they joke with the kids about how incompetent they are. And usually they also call their men an assortment of derogatory nicknames of which “Stupid” and “Idiot” are among the most kind.

Other times, I find myself out and about doing life: In the grocery store line. In the dentist office waiting room. Parked in the baseball bleachers or even standing in the foyer at church. Or I might log onto my computer and decide to take a peek at what folks are saying on Facebook. It is there I also witness my fellow married females speak badly about or to their men.

Their husbands are pea-brains. Passive. Can’t make a decision. Or they are portrayed as unromantic. Forgetful. Less-than-stellar on the “Amazing Husband” scale.

Sometimes this husband-bashing is outright. Sometimes more subtle. The wives might seem intent to vent. At other times they appear to be half-joking.

Do you know how much I ABSOLUTELY HATE hearing this kind of talk coming from the mouths of wives, especially from those who claim the name of Christ? And do you know something else?

Sometimes {oh this is painful} I must honestly admit to you that……..

I. AM. THAT. WIFE.

Oh sisters, I can sling a hateful husband-bashing slur with the best of them. I can work my words into sentences that portray what a dum-dum my groom is. Or a poor manager of his time. Or a distracted dad. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…..

And, when addressing him in person, I sometimes let the hateful words hurl. Or even just the cleverly cryptic phrases that tip him off as to how absolutely awful I think he is.

Now, I am in no way saying that any of us has a perfect husband. You know– one who has the brains and money of Bill Gates, the courage and quick-thinking of Jack Bauer from 24, the romantic singing voice of Michael Buble’, and–best of all–one who is the spiritual equivalent of Billy Graham. {Oh yeah. All neatly wrapped up in George Clooney’s body!}

OK. The George Clooney comment completely showed my age. Feel free to substitute the handsome movie star of your age group.

Yep. None of us has the perfect husband. They have flaws. Make bad decisions sometimes. They may indeed be passive, indecisive. Not the best parent every single day of the year.

Our men are downright imperfect.

Just. Like. Us.

However, where in the Bible does it state that we are to announce to the listening world–whether in person or online—just what we think about our husbands’ flaws, whether minor or massive?

Nowhere.

Instead we are told over and over again to let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. To utter words that are kind. Gentle. Respectful. Ones that build up and bless, rather than dismantle and discourage.

I have an idea: How about you and I pinky swear to stop with the hubby-bashing already. Instead, let’s use our words to speak respectfully to our husbands, rather than disrespectfully about them. Here are three phrases to verbalize to that man God gave you. They will show him a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

1. I am sorry I used my words as a weapon. Will you please forgive me?

Did you let loose on the hubster, chucking unkind words his way or slamming his ability or character? Did you do this to him in person or perhaps even in front of others? It is never to late to admit your fault and ask for forgiveness. And of course if others were in the audience for your uttering, contact them to apologize for disrespecting your husband in front of them. {I hope you have a hankering’ for a hearty slice of  humble pie served with an a la mode’ scoop of AwKWarD. But take it from someone who has been there–and sometimes still is–there is no bitter aftertaste, only blessed relief.}

2. I trust your judgment.

Instead of always giving your husband orders (or even just your opinion) of how things should go down with the house, or the car, or the way the blasted toilet paper should be hung for crying out loud, simply tell him this, “I trust your judgment”. We only make more work for ourselves when we have to be the end-all (and know-it-all) for every decision. Of course I am not suggesting that you have no input or say on major life and parenting decisions, but sometimes just for kicks, step back so he can step up. Often husbands don’t step up because we wives are too busy hogging the decision-making spotlight.

And finally, let that man you fell crazy in love with once upon a time hear you say this……

3. You know one thing I appreciate about you? ________________________ {fill in the blank}

No matter the man–whether extremely godly or absolutely awful– you can find SOMETHING to praise him about. (Maybe many somethings!) Tell him. Does he do a great job keeping the car’s tank filled with gas? Is he a loyal son to his aging mom? A patient teacher of your kids when it comes to how to ride a bike or throw a knuckle ball? At the very least, does he go off to work each day without complaining to provide for the family?

Now all men won’t do all of the above but if you look intentionally, you can find something you appreciate about your husband’s personality or behavior.

Tell him. In a text. A voicemail. A handwritten note tucked in his lunchpail or left on the dash of his car. Or of course in person if you wish.

Will you join with me in the anti hubby-bashing movement? We’ll be living out loud the non-negotiable command to all Christians found in Ephesians 4:29:

“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.”

Are you with me? If so, tell us one thing in the comments that you appreciate about your hubby. Then, strategically leave the page open on the computer so he can see you praise him before others. 🙂

Karen Ehman

71-x2NYbuHL._SL1500_Need more encouragement on this topic? Check out Karen’s latest book LET IT GO: How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith. It will help you to know how to draw the line between manipulating your man and influencing your husband; to discover your roll as a praying parent, not a meddling mother. LET IT GO will equip you to control what you can, trust God with what you can’t and—most importantly—to decide which one is which.

Karen EhmanKaren Ehman of Proverbs 31 Ministries is a national speaker, blogger, and the author of six books including the best-selling book and DVD Bible study LET. IT. GO. How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith. She is an online devotion writer for Proverbs 31 who reaches over 700,000 women each month with her engaging, honest style and encouraging biblical insight. She has been a guest on national media outlets such as Focus on the Family, Moody Mid-day Connection, FamilyLife, and The 700 Club. Married to her college sweetheart Todd for over 25 years, together they are raising their three sometimes quarrelsome but mostly charming children ranging in age from teen to young adult. They make their home in the boondocks of central Michigan where she is crazy about antique hunting, herb gardening, and the Detroit Tiger baseball team. Her desire is to help women live their priorities and love their lives. Connect with her for real-life ideas and encouragement at www.karenehman.com.