At some point, the life we planned on and reality collide.

Our first several years of marriage were pretty much free of serious hardship – oh, things happened that we thought were difficult but the first real challenge? That would be the birth of our Little Sparrow.

How do you cope when the Dr. tells you your new baby is severely brain-damaged and is, in so many words, a vegetable? I kept it together while he was there but could feel a growing fire in my chest, as if the sinews of my heart were being ripped apart.

Daddy wants to protect.

Daddy wants to fight.

But, there’s not one thing Daddy can do to stop what was happening.

When the door clicked shut behind the good Dr., I turned to Lisa – my lover, my friend, and oh how we cried.

In one moment all the hopes, dreams, and aspirations for a new little life, for our little girl, vanished.

Have you been there, too? Or maybe you’re living there right now – searching for understanding and the strength to carry on in the face of deepest sorrow, or a bitter challenge.

Step 1 – Remember Job – He is God in the stillness and in the storm.

God knows every detail about you including the worst thing you are facing right now. The book of Job gives us a “peek behind the curtain.” Satan is at work – in every trauma, trouble, and trial we face – but so is God.

There’s a line in an old hymn I love that goes like this: He will sanctify to you your deepest distress. You see, God never gives you the grace for someone else’s trials but He always gives you the grace for what He calls you to walk through.

Will you receive it?

He will take that trial your Enemy meant as dark and dirty and sanctify it – literally make it clean – if you trust and yield to His light in the midst of your troubles.

In that hospital room, I knelt (fell to my knees) beside the bed, desperately grasping Lisa’s hand . . .

“Oh God, I don’t understand why our little girl has to be hurt like this . . . it makes no sense to me . . .

but I still trust you . . .

we still believe that you are good, even though we don’t see or understand.”

Then we cried a lot more.

Step 2 – Believe the Truth – God will never leave you or forsake you. Matt. 28:20 “. . . I am with you alway . . .”

He is there, in your deepest struggle. Do we truly believe what we’ve been telling everyone we believe? Do we believe that God is good in the shadows of life, or only in the sunshine?

But, don’t get the wrong idea. I still get emotional over what might have been. Sorry – maybe a super Christian would just forge ahead in total strength and conviction, but this Daddy?

The other day when some kids were visiting, running all over the yard and our Little Sparrow leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, “I wish I could run,” or when I’m at some event like we were, recently, where there’s a little country dancing and I see Little Sparrow in her wheel chair, her longing eyes watching the other kids laughing and playing . . . yeah, I still cry.

My little girl’s heart was made for dancing, too.

Step 3 – Hold fast to your hope – Romans 15:13 “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

And, God knows that. He created her for His glory which is why following the Marriage Supper of The Lamb, I’m thinking there’s going to be a big dance and I’m pretty sure I’ll have to stand in line for a dance with Little Sparrow . . . just behind Jesus,

Welcome Little Sparrow . . . may I have this dance.

Matthew Jacobson
www.matthewljacobson.com