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4 Ways Great Couples Make Good Teams

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There’s a big difference between a group and a team, and the difference has nothing to do with the size. You can have a team of two people and a group of twenty. The difference between the two is whether or not the members are working together toward common goals.

In the same way, a husband and wife can either be a couple or they can be a couple that’s also a team. The question is, are you working together toward common goals, or merely living under the same roof?

Sitting in church last Sunday, I heard an acronym  that helps me to remember how great couples make good  T-E-A-Ms!

Trust

It’s not always easy to trust another person, but when they consistently go the extra mile to protect your heart and reputation, you know they’re on your side. It’s easy to see they want nothing but the best for you.

So how do you become that person to your spouse?

Here’s a good rule of thumb: ask yourself, Are the hidden things strengthening my marriage or tearing it down?

Can your husband place his trust in you? Do you honor him with your words when he’s out of your site? Do you honor him with your thoughts? Would he approve of your actions? (and vice versa for husbands).

When you’re on the same team, defending your spouse is the same as defending yourself.

Instead of tearing each other down, we should be building each other up.

Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. – Timothy 3:11

Empathy

Empathy is identifying with another person’s feelings. When we empathize with someone, we open our minds to see their point of view.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, verse 26 Paul compares the church to a human body. He writes, “Whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

In the same way, if one spouse is hurting the marriage will suffer. This is why it’s important to work together as a team to resolve problems. Remember, it’s no longer me, but we.

We can also empathize with our husbands by slowing down to see them. You might not recognize when something is bothering him, but the more you spend time studying him, the better you get at reading his heart.

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. – Romans 12:15

Accommodation

When I became a mom, I quickly learned what accommodation was all about. I had to make room in my home for the baby, I had to make room in my daily schedule (we’re talking tons of room here), and I had to make room in my sleep schedule (again a ton of room).

When you marry another person, you have to make space for him. More than you ever imagined. We must be willing to give of our time, our attention, our consideration, and our service if we truly hope to love.

A team is a blend of personalities, and it’s also a blend of our gifts.

God gave us differing gifts because He was able to see the beauty of gifts working together. People are stronger when they work in harmony, but we have to be willing to open our minds to make room for their ideas and their way of doing things. Some days we need patience to step out of the way, and grace as we allow them to grow.

Mission

To have a mission is to have a united purpose. Our mission is to have a Christ-centered marriage that brings glory to God in the way that we love and the way that we live. We also want a home full of laughter and love.

Your mission might be similar to ours, but it might also be different.

If you’re not sure what your mission is exactly, consider this thought:

Imagine yourself at the finish line. Looking back at your lives, you say to each other, “If we could do it all over again we would ________________________”

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

Pick up a copy of my bookMessy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages.*

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9 Comments

  • Belinda

    Fabulous reminder – thank you! Just this week I snapped at my husband about something, and he very gently said, “Hey, Bee, remember, I’m your teammate in this, not your enemy…” He brings tears to my eyes, what a good friend and partner he is to me, even when I don’t deserve it!!

  • nicole

    My hubby said to me “ya know, when we work as a team things go soooo much smoother!” I had to laugh because after 12 year together, 11 years of marriage, and 3 children, I thought he had already figured this out. We have been through things in our marriage I hope no one faces, but we stood together taking turns being strong, understanding, and doing all 4 of the things in your article. Great things you’ve written about!!!

  • bill

    A great reminder for me to concentrate on building up my wife rather than tearing down. It takes much morning prayer and a concentrated effort for me to even come close to what she deserves for some reason.

  • Stephanie

    I am having difficulties in my marriage. I’m young and we’ve only been married two years, so I’m hoping it will get better as we go. He often snaps at me and treats me like I’m a child instead of his partner, and I get so frustrated and discouraged that I don’t want to do the things he wants me to do in return. I would appreciate some prayers and some Godly counsel if anyone would like to give it. Thanks for the article, it had some good points I will try to investigate in my own marriage. Thanks.

    • Darlene Schacht

      Stephanie, I’m so sorry to hear this. In many cases, it’s all a part of that adjustment period of being newly married. Growing together with someone who is different from you is difficult. Marriage takes time and patience. But I do hope that in time it gets better for you both. I don’t provide counseling, but if you would like to contact someone, visit Focus on the Family online. They have counsellors.

      You might also add a prayer request to our board. The link is in the menu bar above.

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