5 Ways to Get Past the Pain of an Argument

This post is about arguments and disagreements that married couples naturally experience. If you are experiencing on-going verbal abuse, I encourage you to speak to a counselor that can help to wisely guide you.

You can’t take it back. Have you ever been there? You’ve said too much. You’ve spoken your mind. You’ve laid it all on the table. And now you wish you had just held your tongue, exercised patience, and been more understanding. You’re both left feeling hurt, and so alone in this world.

Words are like toothpaste. Once they come out there’s no way that paste is going back in the tube. But this isn’t Crest, it’s your marriage–a relationship you always dreamed would be strong. You never imagined that the one you hold dear to your heart could hurt you so much with his words, but he did, and you hurt him with yours.

Where do you go from there? Can you get past the pain and move on once things have been said? Or could it be that the elephant in the room has moved in to stay?

Here’s the thing. Marriage is wonderful in so many ways, but so far from perfect. Michael and I have been married for over 30 years, but during that time we’ve had our ups and we’ve had our downs. Some days I wondered if I could ever get past the pain, but we managed to do so because each time we were hurt, we found a way to forgive.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Forgiveness is a difficult step, but the blessings outweigh the struggle by far. This past Christmas we enjoyed the holidays with our kids. Opening gifts in the morning, sharing a meal in the afternoon… On New Year’s Eve, we laughed together while we played a board game… And just this morning, we talked on the phone offering words of encouragement to get through the day.

I have a best friend beside me. Not because love is easy, but because we’ve both learned to forgive.

I want that for you too, my friend. If you’re reading this and you’re feeling the pain, just stop to remind yourself that this too shall pass. Remember that growing pains are a natural part of growing together, but so is love and forgiveness and joy.

5 Ways to Get Past the Pain

  1. Pray, asking God to strengthen your marriage and give you the wisdom to handle this situation.
  2. Remind yourself that every marriage experiences the pain of growing together and that your husband isn’t any more perfect than you.
  3. Forgive before you’re forgiven. Be willing to make the first step to reconciliation.
  4. Be tenderhearted and kind. If you’ve said some things you regret saying, convey your sorrow and be patient while your husband heals. Try to compassionately understand his heart.
  5. Remember that it’s always better to do right than it is to be right.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32, NIV

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32, KJV


  • Beatriz

    Very timely message. Thank you❤ In past few days I’ve been feeling convicted and suddenly felt very heavy. Very important lesson to learn about the handling of difficulties in relationships. The Lord Bless You

  • Anne Cahn

    Thank you for your words of wisdom! I’ve experienced several years of bumps in my marriage and determined to make this year better. This is timely wisdom for a good start. God bless you, Darlene.

  • Nyesha Rainey

    Thank you for this post! Very recently, I agreed to be a parent to parent peer and in the process of speaking with another parent about their child, the topic of marriage came up as well. I was able to share these same points with this parent who just recently got engaged. She feels that her and her fiancee should be in a blissful state since they just agreed to be married but all they seem to do is argue. I prayed for them and continue to pray for them and their upcoming marriage!

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