Marriage,  Uncategorized

6 Ways to Build Up Our Husbands

Today we’re onto chapter six in our book club for The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife: 18 Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth. Today’s chapter is on the virtue of encouragement. More information on the book club is found underneath the post. (View table of contents here.)


Our first house was definitely considered a starter home. It was a humble abode with two little bedrooms, a tiny kitchen, a small yard, and a teensy-weensy back porch. It wasn’t grand, but there was no place like home.

With a few dollars behind us we put up a wooden fence in the yard.  The leftover pickets were used to cover the floor in our back porch, and to our surprise they looked great. I finally had something nice, even if it was just a floor.

Inspired by the new look, Michael hung up a few sheets of drywall, and I put down a few layers of paint.

Once the paint dried, we invited the neighbors over to play a game of Monopoly and see our new digs. It was the perfect afternoon. A storm was brewing outside and soon the pitter-patter of rain danced on the rooftop. The rumble of thunder is a comforting sound when you’re safe and secure in your home.

It couldn’t have been more cozy. With the smell of cedar beneath us, the room felt like a cabin deep in the woods.

Everything about that afternoon was perfect, until we noticed a leak in our brand new ceiling. Suddenly the pitter-patter of rain wasn’t such a welcoming sound. All of Michael hard work was threatened by a steady drip that dropped into a pail on the floor.

Knowing the potential damage that one leak can make, our neighbour ran home, grabbed his ladder and toolbox, made his way up to the top, then knelt down to fix our roof in storm.

I couldn’t believe that someone would do that for us, much less in the midst of a storm. God sent us a roofer at the exact time that we needed one. He also provided a parable that I can apply to my life:

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. – Proverbs 27:15

I know that men can be contentious too, but since I’m writing this blog for women, let’s consider ways that we can affect our marriage and bring glory to God. And if you are a man–by all means apply this truth to your life.

Our words and our actions have the potential to either build up our husbands or tear them down.  One drip isn’t a problem–we all have off days–but a continual drip can cause damage to a relationship when our attitude and our words are left unchecked.

A negative attitude and discouraging words can become a habit. It’s not easy living with another person, and sometimes complaining feels goods, doest it? But the thing is, it’s not good. Loving communication will get us a lot farther than nagging ever will. If we want to be a wife who’s an encouragement to her husband then we need to be exercising that area of our life.

If discouragement has become a habit, then we need to get in there and immediately start to make changes that work to build up our husbands rather than tearing them down.

Certainly it takes the work of two people to form a strong marriage bond, but my advice to you is that we concentrate on our share of the work and leave them to do theirs.

Here are six ways we can encourage our husbands and start building them up today:

  1. Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what’s on his heart.
  2. Make an effort to be cheerful. A warm smile is a beautiful thing.
  3. Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them. Mention them to him.
  4. Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
  5. See him for who he is, not who you expect him to be. And if he does need to change then pray for him daily.
  6. Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.

You are loved by an Almighty God,


Let’s discuss chapter 7 on Monday!

What are some of the thoughts that you have on chapter six? What are your thoughts on encouragement? Please leave a comment below! (subscribers click through to the blog)

Find out more about the book here. And yes–feel free to jump in to the book club with us at anytime. If we’re a few chapters ahead of you–that’s okay because you can get to those anytime. We have 18 lessons in total!

Join The Virtuous Life Book Club on Facebook and join our community of over 175,000 women on Facebook here

Today’s Challenge:
Examine the way that you relate to your husband. Do you give him your attention? Are you encouraging him? Are you communicating in love? Watch yourself over the next few days and consider what he might be seeing in you.



  • Sarah

    I do all those tings for my husband. It is so hard when he is so negative and keeps telling me what a horrible person he is no matter how often I tell him he is not. His view of himself is quite low. Four years together and it seems like not much has changed no matter what I do no matter how hard I pray. Every time I even try to politely and calmly let him know how frustrating something is he gets angry and says oh yes I know I”m so horrible. I am now at my wits end. I know there are some things God wants for us and it feels like my husbands unwillingness to let go of the past and of negative stuff is holding us back from where God wants us. I keep praying but sometimes I feel like it doesn’t matter

  • Elissa P

    Hi Darlene

    I hang on to every word your wrote here, beautiful. Yes, we as wives need to pray and ask God to give us the spirit of peace and love in our homes and toward our husbands. I have been marriage for over 11 years and in my first year of marriage I came up with the 15 minutes rule–I shut my mouth after 15 minutes. Period.

    Peace to you.

  • Adrienne

    This was great. I firmly believe in speaking the right things to our husbands and each husband needs different words. It has caused me to make sure I am being encouraging and not a downer to his dreams, even if he is saying the same things 18 yrs later…I tend to be the opposite of most wives who are constantly sharing with their husbands. He is the one sharing with me. I have to be the one to respond correctly. Thank you for this wonderful reminder to be encouraging.

  • Linda

    I almost deleted the email to this post. I am glad I decided to open it. I’ve been deeply irritated and finding it hard to be loving. My husband is very critical, picky, and negative. Did I mention opinionated and sometime it’s more than I can take. I want to be steadfast in love but my flesh wants to retract holding my breathe until he leaves for work. I hate feeling this way but I’m just being honest.

  • Angie

    Your words about encouraging our husbands is so true. I know from experience that my mood sets the tone for the way the evening goes in our busy household. It is so much better when I patiently listen as my children and husband share the effects of their day whether it be good or bad. Sometimes it is easier said then done when I too had a stressful tiring day at work. I appreciated how you said we will fail at times but the important thing is to recognize it and get back up and try again.

  • mrs sadiq

    Hi darlene, I really love this, these my first time of reading this,very interesting. Today is my 4th wedding anniversary and am very sure I did d 6 things here. Every wives need dis if u want the family to move on.
    Thanks a lot for your reminder. May Almighty GOD be with you and your entire FAMILY….

  • mrs sadiq

    Please how can I read the 1 to 5 chapters of these articles. I have miss dose chapters please. Thank for your respond