Guest Contributor, Gina Smith, Real Life Titus 2
I was sitting at my dining room table with a friend. My husband had just left for work, when my friend bravely spoke, “May I tell you something?” She asked.
“Sure.” I answered.
She paused and then she said, “The way that you speak to your husband is wrong.”
I had been married for almost 3 years and had just begun spending time with this young woman. She was a year older than me, but she had a walk with God that I had never observed in a woman my age. She was a godly example of a wife and mother, so when she loved me enough to point out where I was missing the mark there was really nothing I could say. She lived it. She was right. I knew she was right.
I’d love to say that my response to her was one of humility but it wasn’t. To put it bluntly, I was bugged.
“Who does she think she is?!” I thought. Yes, I was under conviction, but I didn’t want to admit it. My pride wanted to fight it. For a short time I resisted the things God was showing me. I would make excuses for the way I spoke to my husband. After all, this is what I grew up with. It’s what I was used to.
Not long after that lunch visit, that same friend invited me to meet her for dinner. We met at a local restaurant. After we had chatted for awhile she asked, “How is your time in the Word going?”
I had to admit to her that it wasn’t going very well. “Would you like me to help you?” she asked.
Okay…” I said hesitantly. To accept her help was to admit I was wrong. I didn’t really like that, but God was working in my heart.
I cringe when I think back to those days, but the memories serve as a reminder and a warning. Since that time I have had the privilege of spending time with a few women who are wonderful examples of what it means to honor their husband.
From time to time I will hear a woman complain about her husband, cut him down, or dishonor him in some way. When that happens there is no judgement in my heart, only a reminder of what I know I am capable of.
5 ways I’m learning to honor my husband:
- Being in the Word on a regular basis. I am challenged to be in the Word so that the Word and the Holy Spirit can renovate my heart.
- Godly examples. God has used other women who, are striving to honor their husbands, to open my eyes to what needs to be changed in my life.
- Confrontation and exhortation. God has used a few faithful friends over the years, who have been brave enough and who loved me enough, to confront and challenge me.
- God’s people. God has used members of the body of Christ, who have been willing to come along side me, encourage me, and challenge me in my walk with God.
- My husband. God has used my husband, who has been so patient and grace filled, as I continue to learn what it means to honor him.
Won’t you join me in praying for God to open our eyes and ears to the ways in which we may be dishonoring our husbands. If we do not see what we are doing, we will continue to dishonor God, our husbands, and we will be creating an atmosphere of disrespect in our home.
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome woman.” – Proverbs 21:19
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” – Proverbs 31:1
Blessings,
Gina Smith
Gina Smith is a busy mom of two, and wife to Brian. She and her husband have been in ministry together for over 20 years, working with college students and young married couples. Gina has recently authored her first book, entitled: “Grace Gifts: Celebrating Your Children Every Day”, You can find Gina at her personal blog: www.reallifetitustwo.com
I have enjoyed everything I have read since joining your page. This is one that hits home with me, because like you I was not raised that way. I am having a hard time with this issue everyday of my thirty years of marriage. My husband is a true gift from God and I do love him don’t get me wrong, but I was raised to be a strong woman, so I have a proudful problem of who needs a man to do manly things.
The funny thing is that my mother is the one who I got this from but my dad does do all the manly things in their house so I don’t know how I got this message from her.
I am challenged every day with trying to change the way I think of men as the weaker sex. Bible story after bible story I see how men did not have the back bone to do what God told them to do or wanted them to do. They are always swayed by the women who had influence in their life. Eve got Adam to eat the apple, John the baptist loosing his head to please the daughter who did the dance, and many more.
The men who lead our church don’t hold my respect either because they are not willing to tackle the tough decisions that need to be addressed because they don’t want to hurt someones feelings even though they are doing a job that the church is paying them for.
I tell myself this is not a loving heart and not a Christ like attitude or my place to judge, but it still does not help the things that are running through my mind. I have told my husband I want to try a different church but he won’t budge. My children and I are all unhappy at this church, but my husband is happy there, so he just dismisses our complaining. My oldest has started attending another church because she is old enough to do so. Out of respect for my husband I have not just picked up and visited other churches, I am trying to toughen it out but it gets harder week after week. I find that it is changing my attitude towards attending church but not towards God. I find every way in the world not to have to go to church. I watch services at home while he is at church to try to stay connected to God and my commitment to him.
I struggle with what kind of example I am sitting for my children. I want them to be able to stand up for themselves but still have respect for their spouse, but never stray from their faith.
Any suggestions you might have would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for this story it
Really opened my eyes keep them coming! I need them! God bless
Thank You For This.
I Struggle With This Every Single Day, And Today I ReallyNeeded It.
May YAHWEH BlessYou And Your Marriage!
Such a great post! For so long I was the wife with a disrespectful tone. I thought I had a right to respond that way because my husband’s words were not always kind either. This just built up awful walls of bitterness and disappointment between the two of us. When I had just about reached my breaking point, God placed some wonderful Godly women in my life to encourage me. They asked me if I have ever tried to see my husband as God sees him. WOW! I began praying and asked God to show me my husband through His eyes. When I did, I saw a man who was sad, broken, and desperately needed to be loved by his wife. Even though it is one of the most difficult things to do, I am glad my mentors showed me how to take an inventory of my behavior in my marriage and I am so grateful that God showed me how He sees my husband and lifted my veil from my eyes and my heart!