Last night I noticed a little water on the kitchen floor by the sink, which is par for the course considering that most days Nathaniel spills far more than he drinks. But when I noticed a bulging box of Cascade under the sink this afternoon and another puddle of water beneath my feet I knew we had a leak somewhere that had to be fixed.
It wasn’t too serious, but enough of a drip that I stood on towels to wash dishes and changed my socks once or twice.
The sound of Michael tinkering in the kitchen after dinner was music to my ears. I wondered if he might be too tired or too busy to get to it this evening, but since we both know that water can cause permanent damage if it’s left to soak, he wanted to get it repaired right away.
Looking at the scriptures I’m reminded of yet another damaging drip–a contentious woman.
A continual dripping on a very rainy dayAnd a contentious woman are alike;~ Proverbs 27:15
Contention appears in a number of ways including opposing, nagging, arguing, challenging, belittling, and competing. And why do we do it? Because somehow we think that by nagging him we’re encouraging our husbands to be a better person.
It seems to makes sense at the time, but the truth is that many of our husbands–and many wives for that matter–have fragile egos that should be handled with care and respect.
In the same way that a leaky faucet can cause permanent damage, our words if left unchecked can damage our relationships and can cause resentment to grow. I can’t imagine what the state of my kitchen would be if we let that faucet leak for 10 years, but in some marriages that’s what’s happening. Sometimes the damage appears insurmountable. Giving up–they walk away.
If this problem is going on in our marriage, we need to get in there and immediately start to make changes that work to build up our husbands rather than tearing them down. Certainly it takes the work of two people to form a strong marriage bond, but my advice to you is that we concentrate on our share of the work and leave them to do theirs.
- Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what’s on his heart.
- Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
- Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
- Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
- See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
- Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net
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Dear Darlene, I created a word doc, put hearts around the edges and a picture of Jim and I at the bottom.
I have it hanging on the wall in my office as a reminder to be intentional about uplifting him. We have many differences that keep our marriage a constant battle zone without much effort and much prayer. He is not a Christian (that shows), but I know that God knows Jim’s heart and mind, and I cannot change him, only control me. Thank you for your lovely, patient, constant encouragement.
Gail O.
I wish you were inn my life to talk to…I’m 23 Wednesday and am in love with an extraordinary man..but things have been really tense lately without him working. I am working two jobs and I just would like to know some advice on how to talk tohim about how overwhelmed I am with all the things in my life I definitely do not want to loose him but it is making me resent him and be snappy. I really have no one else to help me out with this..my mom and sisters and grandmother are all good people to talk to but they have my best interest at heart but not OUR( as in me and his best intrest).please reply if at all possible. Thanks so much
Whitney
Thank you so much for the time you put into building up marriages. I love starting my day with one of the articles on here. It keeps me in check. I know that I choose how happy I am. I am glad I have had amazing people like you to remind me to choose to love my husband and choose to lead a happy life. I look forward to a lifetime with the man I love.
He’s been there for me for 35 yrs. “He’s always got my back.”
No one has ever been as kind to me in my life as Chris has, ever! I learned so much from him on how to treat people. He is my ROCK.
This was an awesome way to honor God by honoring our husbands. I made a mess ( along with my ex) of my first marriage. I thank God that He gives us other chances. Even though they are different people, I still approach my marriage as I’m the one God is depending on to make it work. I work harder now, love deeper and listen more.
it was nice for someone like me who is getting married next month, am blessed