Today I’d like to welcome my special friend and guest contributor, Jennifer Smith, Unveiled Wife. Jennifer has just released her brand new book, The Unveiled Wife*, which I had the pleasure and privilege of reviewing before it hit shelves. Awesome book! Awesome girl! Awesome friend!
“One day as I prepared to open a can of tuna for lunch, it dawned on me that we did not own a can opener. Apparently there are a ton of small things needed to run a home efficiently, tools and skills I was definitely going to need to pick up fast. I ran down the street to a resale shop and purchased a can opener, cheese grater, strainer, and curling iron, all for less than three dollars! That would not be my only trip to the local thrift store.
As much as I desired to be a resourceful wife, I was pathetic in the kitchen. The extent of my cooking knowledge was summed up in cereal, sandwiches, salt, and pepper. I remember on one occasion, while Aaron was at work, I decided to cook a spaghetti dinner. Since I was new in the kitchen, having no clue how to cook, I called home to get a few tips from my mom. Apparently spaghetti making is a common sense sort of art, a simple dish that should be in every wife’s arsenal. That night I served the perfect pot of spaghetti, which my husband loved. My phone call home, however, became a widespread joke in my family, leaving me feeling all the more inadequate. I might not have been a master chef, but Aaron didn’t seem to mind.” – Excerpt from The Unveiled Wife*
I am not sure how many of you can relate, but following my wedding I immediately felt my insecurities as a wife skyrocket. The necessity and responsibility of running a home was not an easy transition and I felt completely inadequate in trying to fulfill my new role. I was not well equipped to handle the duties or pressures of being a wife and my heart had a challenging time reconciling the decision I had made to get married. Doubt churned in my mind about marriage being a mistake or questioning whether or not I was capable of being a good wife.
As my insecurities grew so did my negative attitude, which caused other areas of conflict in our marriage to be amplified. I desperately wanted to be fulfilled in my marriage and I wanted to be respected as an amazing wife…but feeling less than suitable left me cranky.
Looking back over the years there are a few lessons I have learned and there are a few things I wish I could encourage myself with as a young wife…the letter below was inspired by this thought of speaking truth into my life, it is a great encouragement for new wives and even those who have been married a long time. We can all receive more encouragement!
Dear Wife,
You will be the wife you desire to be, but it happens over time! You will learn and mature through experience. With each and every circumstance you encounter and in every interaction you face with your husband, you will learn how to navigate the journey of marriage. Do not be overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacies or doubt. Expect challenges with the perspective that each one will force you to evaluate your role as a wife and how your decision making affects every aspect of your marriage. This process is refining. Feed your appetite more than you feed your fears. As you practice meal making, you will get better! As you initiate intimacy, it will improve. As you open your heart to your husband and let him get to know you, trust will be built. And as you seek to keep God at the center of your marriage, your relationship with God and your husband will become stronger and love will thrive. Also, invite other wives to help you, to teach you, to train you. Community is a life saver and a marriage saver. You will be amazed at how much you will learn from others, so let them in and let them inspire you to become better. Lastly, give yourself some grace! There is a huge learning curve that comes with marriage and for many people, the learning never stops, but it will always make you better!
I hope this encourages some of you today! I share very honestly the struggles I faced as a new wife including jealousy, manipulation, and intimacy issues in my book The Unveiled Wife.* At the end of each chapter are questions that will help you evaluate your own marriage journey. So for more marriage encouragement go check it out here: The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband
Jennifer Smith
Visit Jennifer at her website, The Unveiled Wife
“Lives are radically changed when we surrending our hearts to God’s will. The Unveiled Wife* testifies to that with a beautiful picture of the masterpiece a marriage can be.” – Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
* This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my full disclosure.