Dear Darlene,
I am really enjoying your blog and it is helping me to be encouraged in my role as a wife and also in getting home routines down so that our house stays nice and clean and is a haven’t for our family. I am definitely NOT naturally talented to be good at cleaning or organizing. I’m a work in progress and God is teaching me a lot 🙂
Just a little intro: My husband works at night, he is a bartender, and comes home at 4-5am. We have 3 children, I am 33 and we live in Florida, We are in a spiritually mismatched marriage but God is definitely working in, and I see changes all the time happening in his heart and mine. So what I have tried to do is to have the kitchen and living room clean when he comes home so that he walks into a clean house, but he is coming in when we are all sleeping.
I was reading your post “Good Wife’s Guide“ and the tips you give. Are there things in particular that I could have tips on for this, should I wake up when he gets home, greet him somehow, any ideas that you may have would be great.
Blessings,
Work in Progress
Dear Work in Progress,
Thank you for the letter. I was able to quickly take a peek at it, but haven’t found the time to reply until now. I wanted to take some time to write a thoughtful response, but since life got busy I’m replying today.
Last year, I thought it would be an awesome idea for me to work a 4pm-midnight shift about 2 days a week. I thought it would be a great way to meet some other women and get out of the house for a bit while my husband was home with the kids. It didn’t last long as I was missing out on family fun, and writing time.
Anyway, I’m telling you this, because I can relate to your husband in a small way. I know what it felt like to walk into a dark house when everyone was sleeping.
Some of the wonderful things that my husband did for me are that he’d pop into work from time to time with a special iced cappuccino from the drive through. Some days he’d put fresh sheets on the bed, and I’d notice the minute I crawled in. Other times, I’d find a note on the counter from either him or one of the kids saying, “You are the best wife/mom in the world!!” And that really made my day.
Some days they would surprise me at work with a lunch. And he would be so cute by putting a little baggy of chips in there or some cookies. It made me smile. He’d also call to say goodnight.
Since my husband gets up at about 4 am each day, I have never to rarely woken up with him. He loves to have about an hour of quiet time in the Bible, and I join him a little later when the rest of the world is rising. Ha! But every morning, he would walk over to my side of the bed, tuck me in snuggly and kiss me. He still does this every single day, and has done it for years.
What meant the most to me, and still does is that when I go to bed later than my husband, he always wakes up for a minute and turns to me. He will rub my back or ask me a question. I guess he has trained himself to do that. If you don’t wake up easily, maybe you can ask your husband to kiss you when he comes home. This way you will sense his presence and train yourself to move over to his side of the bed and snuggle.
We all want that feeling of peace and belonging that comes with having a close family.
Another thing I would suggest are thanking your husband for his work. I always try to thank Michael when he works late. It used to really get under my skin and became an area of contention in our relationship. It festered for years. My complaining didn’t change his behaviour, but it changed our relationship into something ugly. So whether a husband has to do overtime, or has to work midnight shifts, they crave our respect.
“Thank you,” are two little words that go a long way in showing appreciation. I say it, and I also encourage my children to also say it often. When they thank me for dinner, I’ll say, “You’re welcome. And don’t forget to thank Dad too!”
It sounds like you have a beautiful attitude toward your husband which will only draw him closer to you. Actions are important, but when they are coupled with a positive attitude they are dynamic.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven
is first of all pure; then peace-loving,
considerate, submissive, full of mercy
and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a
harvest of righteousness.
~ James 3:17-18, NIV
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net
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