Marriage,  Uncategorized,  Unity

Are You Growing Together? 10 Questions to Ask

Great marriages don’t happen by accident, they’re built by two people who give of themselves day after day.

Some of the best building blocks in a marriage are patience, love, and respect. But there are so many more. In The Virtuous Life series we talked about valuing others and serving them from a heart of humility. Some days building comes easy and other days it takes down-on-our-knees heart-wrenching prayer as we lift our marriage up to the Lord. But every day is a chance to grow closer together.

Two of the most important elements in any marriage are bonding and unity. God didn’t create woman from the dust of the earth, but rather took her out of the man that they might one day return to that state of union.

The two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh – Mark 10:8

There’s an emphasis in our society for personal growth, and I love it as much as the next person. In fact I think I’m a self help junkie some days! I love to read books that teach me something and motivate me to grow spiritually and physically. The problem however is that while there’s a lot of emphasis on feeling great, being happy, working out, and pleasing me, myself, and I–there’s little emphasis placed on others.

I desire to grow, but more than anything I desire to grow together as a couple who is focused on Christ.

Are you building your relationship, or has it grown stale? Are you growing together, or are you growing apart? Here are ten questions you can ask yourself.

  1. Do you pray for your marriage often?
  2. Do you cherish your spouse? Does he know that you cherish him?
  3. Do you spend time together away from distractions? This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as reading a book together in the bedroom or kitchen.
  4. Do you do things for each other that lighten the load of every day life?
  5. Do you spend time talking?
  6. Are you affectionate with each other? And if your husband isn’t the affectionate type are you practicing his love language?
  7. Do you make an effort to show each other honor and respect?
  8. Have you let go of the past to work on the future? Or are you hanging on to anger and hurt?
  9. Do you build each other up with your words or tear each other down?
  10. Do you treat him like he’s your best friend or a roommate you have little time for? Living together gets comfortable and that’s great, but don’t get too comfortable that you forget where you came from. Michael and I started out as best friends and I want our marriage to end that way too.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht


  • Sarah Collett

    Very well written! I love that you point out society’s focus on self help and why it’s good…but also why it’s lacking an important component – others. God created us to need Him, and each other, to work together so individual strengths and weaknesses combine to make an unbreakable, unshakable whole. Even more so, a whole that is focused on Christ ♥ Can you only imagine what the world could be if we would start hearing our Creator and stop listening to society? I look forward to reading more from you 🙂

  • Ashly Gray

    Thank you so much for this article – it is truly inspiring. I feel that my marriage is nearing that stagnant stage, and I have decided to take a step back to see what needs improved. This helps give me a foundation, specific things on which I need to focus.

    I also really liked that you included love language – it made me realize that I need to determine my husband’s love language so that I can better understand him, as well as understanding what I can do to make him happy.

    I really appreciate this – thank you for putting your time into it. God Bless You! 🙂

  • Pastor Pete Battjes

    Darlene, thank you for sharing and encouraging those who are married to keep working at their relationship. As I’ve told couples coming to me for pre-marital education — “When you stop working at your relationship, it stops working!”. It is such a challenge to take time to go deeper with our spouse, but when we humbly seek Jesus and His help together, there is great reward. We need to cherish each other and show it continually. We need to ask our spouse — “What makes you feel cherished?”. I often tell my wife of 38 years — “You are God’s gift to me!” We don’t always agree, there are times of misunderstanding, but working through the matters brings us closer together. The older we get the deeper our love grows! The Lord bless you and your ministry of bringing glory to HIM. Serving Jesus, Pastor Pete

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