God is there waiting for us to cry out to Him

I don’t know exactly when it started, I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – for weeks.

One evening after a pretty intense “discussion,” J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough. He was right. I constantly found fault in him as a husband and as a dad.

But the fact that he implied I was impossible to please … well that sent my already-unreasonable emotions reeling. I grabbed my coat and stormed out the front door. Hot tears streaming down my cheeks, I replayed our conversation in my head.

Determined to figure out what his problem was and get Jesus to fix him, I started telling on J.J. – to God.

As I filed my complaints against my husband, I finally heard myself. All the ugliness that was in my heart. All the anger spewing out of my mouth.

That’s when I realized, I need help.

I needed God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a happy marriage, had we gotten to this ugly place?

Instead of just crying, I found myself crying out to God for help.

That night, when I stopped talking and started listening, I sensed God showing me I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom.

Years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. Yet, I never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for, but didn’t have.

Unfulfilled hopes became bitter expectations.

Trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” I became controlling and critical. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be maybe my broken dreams could be put back together.

But I was wrong. Instead of expecting my husband to make up for my losses, I needed to cry out to God with my hurts and call on Him for help.

Are there hurts that hold you hostage? Expectations your husband may not ever be able to meet? Been trying to fix him or your marriage? Need some help today?

I know I do, and God is there. Waiting for us to cry out to Him. Not just once, expecting a quick answer. But each day, depending on His help on a regular basis.

As I processed what had happened in my childhood and how it affected my marriage, I learned to ask God for help through each step of my healing journey.

I asked Him to help me find the security I needed by letting Him be the father I longed for. I asked Him to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted from my dad that I would never have. I asked Him to help me forgive my father and release feelings of anger, abandonment and hurt. I asked Him to help me release my unrealistic expectations of my husband and let go of my right for a “happily-ever-after.”

It was a process that took time, prayer, and courage, but over time God helped me let go of my past and my pain, so I could take hold of His hope and healing for my marriage.

By the way, I’m crazy about my husband now. And so very thankful for the day I finally asked the Lord for help.

I’d love to ask God for help {on your behalf}. Slip me a note in the comments today, and let me know how I can pray for your marriage! 

Holding onto Grace,
Renee 

Renee and JJ have been married for over 20 years. They have two sons, Joshua {19} and Andrew {16} and a sweet Ethiopian princess, Aster {5} who their family adopted in 2009. Renee is an award-winning author of the best-seller, A Confident Heart: How To Stop Doubting Yourself and Living in the Security of God’s Promises. She’s also a national speaker, and radio co-host with Proverbs 31 Ministries where she serves as Executive Director of Radio & Social Media. Find out more about Renee and her family at www.ReneeSwope.com.