I’m not sure what started it.
But I suspect it had something to do with this one book I’d read a few years back. I’m not saying the author intended to communicate this message, but it’s certainly what I concluded.
If I wanted to be a a good wife – a biblical wife? Then I needed to tone it down a bit.
Okay, a lot.
I needed to swallow it, hold it back, and keep it down. I was far too intense for my own good. Or at least for my husband’s good.
So I started this new, radical campaign. I didn’t even tell my husband what I was up to, but decided that from then on, I was going to mellow out. Keep it quiet.
Now for those of you who know me, you probably find that rather funny. You can’t even hardly picture it.
But I really did try.
And I kept it going fairly well . . . until one day when we were discussing a certain subject while standing by the piano—a subject that I felt, ahem, passionate about. And suddenly, I couldn’t take it any longer.
I nearly shouted, “I JUST CAN’T DO THIS.”
“Do what??” his eyebrows raised.
“I can’t simply keep my mouth shut and not express all that I’m thinking or feeling!” I was practically shaking with frustration.
Then – being the sensitive soul that he is – he burst out laughing.
I resisted the temptation of throwing the old red hymnal at him. But only barely.
I’m glad I did though, because I might have missed what he said next . . . .
“But, Baby, I don’t want you to ‘zip it’. I married you because I appreciate your strong mind and passionate heart. Don’t you see? I love that about you.”
Oh. You do?
And at last I was able to reconcile being a strong-hearted woman and being a biblical wife.
Now some of you might not see the struggle here. What? What’s the issue?
Well, the “issue” is that Scripture talks about the “beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (I Pet. 3:4) and I truly wanted to fit that description. But I wasn’t so sure that I did.
So maybe you’re a strong-hearted woman too. You don’t give up, you’re willing to stand up for what you believe is right, and you’re passionate about your family and the world you live in.
Boy! do I get that.
And guess what? It’s okay.
So all my strong-hearted friends, be encouraged.
Here are some beautiful truths for you:
A Strong-Hearted Woman can keep a quiet heart. She’s not agitated in her spirit, yet remains strong in her convictions. A lovely example of this is Elisabeth Elliot – one of the strongest women of my acquaintance and also the author of Keep a Quiet Heart.
A Strong-Hearted Woman draws her strength from Christ – not from herself. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). Always remember the true Source of your strength.
A Strong-Hearted Woman readily respects her husband. She uses her strength to support her husband. Not to go up against him (Eph. 5:33).
A Strong-Hearted Woman cultivates a sweet spirit. Sweetness and strength are not opposites. These two qualities actually can – and should – go hand-in-hand.
A Strong-Hearted Woman walks in humility. She knows that just because she might feel more strongly about something doesn’t necessarily make her right (and you know what I”m talking about!). Don’t let your intensity triumph over all.
God gave you that wonderful, passionate heart and – as long as you’re submitted to Him – then you’re right where He wants you to be. Not only that, you’re right where your husband wants you to be.
And that, dear sister, is truly beautiful.
In His grace,
Lisa Jacobson, Club31Women
*Check out our newly released books – and now available in print too – 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson
Love.this thank.you so much
I really appreciate your post. My struggle is not yelling at my child. My husband doesn’t like it and says I do it too much. I basically am trying to keep a morning schedule and she wants no part of it. We have t exercise for our health since we have diabetes and we can’t stay on schedule if she continues to go even slower when I am trying to speed up. Frustrating!
Some men would choose a Honda CRV and some would choose a Ford truck. 🙂
I don’t tend to be a loud voice but my husband does appreciate when my passions show up. It’s a window into my heart.
Please, please, please write more about this! I needed to hear it so badly and would love to have a little more on this topic.. okay a lot more!
Wow… I want to burst into tears! Everything you wrote sums up nearly the last year of my life.
I’ve longed to be that quiet gentle spirited mother and wife so deeply! The harder I try the more empty I’ve felt; as if I’m leaving so much of myself behind it’s creating a gaping whole inside me. Even family members have asked what is going on, (I don’t voice my opinion because I have a tendency of being terrible at coming across with compassion, even when I am tying diligently to do so).
I feel it has put much unwanted space between my husband and I, and makes me resent myself and almost every decision Ive made. Looking back I see now that I had so much more to give just being myself rather than loosing myself..
I read a book that lead the sequence of events of trying to change everything I have ever been.
I could feel myself screaming from the inside yet I sit, quietly, not voicing myself even in positive aspects for fear I would come off too strong and loose that “angelic lady like” composure this book said was so important.
(There certainly were areas where change wasn’t a bad thing- but loosing myself in the process was not my intension- I suppose that must have been where my focus was me improving me; it should have been me seeking Christ to improve me)
Thank you for this revelation!
I feel there is so much to be said but all words seem to escape me at the moment. Just thank you! Thank you so much!
I love this, but what do you do when a husband doesn’t respond this way and would prefer the quiet woman? I am not me…and it’s been 14 years. I am about to explode!
I have struggled with this topic for 20 + years and I still ask for help please. My husband seems to want that quiet and meek wife that doesn’t question or bring up concerns. That is how his mom is and his dad seems to like that she caters to his every wish except very rarely when she is feeling a slight bit like misbehaving, as he puts it. As much as my husband says it is not true I think that is how he wants me to be. I am a little more outspoken, but he seems to think it is overbearing. I am at a loss and I loose patience at times. 20+ years is a long time. I continue to pray and seek God’s will. I ask Him to help me focus on what changes he wants me to make and to know how to love my husband.
This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I saw the other girls at church being so quiet and studious, but I knew I could never be that way. I’m adventurous, fearless, and willing to take a bullet for something I believe in.
What has been really helpful was in finding other women who don’t fit the ” quiet profile.” I’ve even watched a few of them get married and have seen how they balance being submissive to their husbands, yet keep their own strength.
Thank you for saying that it’s ok to be me!
As we men brave the war, we need stronghearted women with us who love the Lord with passion and are not afraid to speak. We need each other, and not to be silent.!
Lisa, I’m always pleasantly surprised by your posts! Your posts are so positive about staying true to yourself, even if others don’t agree. How you behave and conduct your life is only between your family and God. You don’t have to please anyone but them and the Lord. What is right for one person is not always right for another. God made each of us with our own unique talents, convictions and personalities, and it is important not to compromise on those things. Good men appreciate strong women, and that is truly what a marriage is about. I find your posts inspiring and uplifting.
Just reading this today, but this is me! Thank you for the wisdom and guidance in this post as I’ve always struggled with having a strong heart and now I’m a wife to a wonderful husband I often struggle to find the right balance.
My heart breaks reading all these replies! I too struggled in this area for years until I realized I was trying to please man (my hubby) and not God. Just like this article says we can be who God created us to be….loud, passionate, emotional and have a quiet spirit. My quiet, reserved husband was drawn to me because I am his opposite. Embrace it! Live life out loud! Just do it all for Gods glory, full of his love and grace. ?