Bride in Training

by | Dec 10, 2010 | Brides in Training, Engagement, Marriage, Preparing for Marriage, Young Love, Your Letters


Dear Darlene,

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married next December. No proposal or ring yet, but he’s dropped hints that it’s coming. I don’t have any reference for biblical womanhood, I mean I have read the Bible on these topics, and books and blogs (obviously, lol), but I don’t have someone walking with me, someone to look up to who is mentoring me. I mean reading is good and all, but not seeing a breathing, walking example is kind of difficult. I guess my question is what can I do still being single to prepare to be a wife?

Emily

Dear Emily,

I love that question coming from someone who is yet single. Unlike so many other brides you have focused on preparation for marriage rather than a complete focus on preparation for the big day. Flowers, caterers, music, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and rings are merely symbols of the covenant between a woman, her groom, and God.

So how do you prepare? Reading in Proverbs chapter two, men are warned to protect themselves against the seduction of the harlot. It wasn’t until recent months that I read that scripture with a deeper level of understanding:

Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. Surely her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life.
~ Proverbs 2:16-19

Reading that portion of scripture I began to look back on my life and saw that the many friendships I’ve kept over time have been a dividing force between my husband and I. I didn’t see it at the time–and we never do when we’re in the throes of a wonderful friendship—but close friends who are not walking in the Word have the potential to lead us astray.

Let’s look at the three ways she can influence us:

  1. Seductive words
  2. Leaves her husband
  3. Ignores God’s Word

Women like this aren’t necessesarily lurking around corners with heavy eye makeup, over-glossed lips and elongated gel nails. They can be the seemingly wholesome women that we sit next to at work, or the new mom that just joined our church. Temptation comes in the forms we least expect.

God doesn’t ask us to ignore the unsaved, but He does warn us to guard our hearts.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.
~ Proverbs 4:23-25, NIV

Friends who are grounded in God’s word won’t flatter you with seductive words. They are the ones who will be strong when you’re weak. They are the ones who will encourage you to stick it out when marriage gets tough and they will seek God’s wisdom above their own.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
~ Proverbs 27:17

Couples Bible studies or College and Career groups are a great way to get connected with other like-minded Christians, but even in these groups guard your heart so that you are both seeking the wisdom of God above the wisdom of man.

I shared with you the importance of strong relationships and the protection of your heart, but there are also practical ways that you can prepare for your marriage.

  1. A wise idea for any young woman would be to start saving money. My sister Bonnie who is a financial counselor and CGA advises that you take 10% of the gross earnings and set it aside for tithing first. Savings should be 5-10% of the remainder. So even if you are working part time while going to college, young women should be diligent to put away some money to help with expenses.
  2. Find out what kind of food your fiancé likes and learn to cook his favorite meals. There’s nothing quite like the smell of good cooking when you walk through the door after a hard day at work. You might also get yourself a blank journal (one that will last the test of time) and start collecting family recipes that you’d like to pass down to your children. Ask your mother, his mother, your grandma or your aunt for that recipe that you’ve always loved. And if you can, spend some time in the kitchen with them learning how to make the dish well. Every family has their favorite recipes that remind them of good times. I’ve written down all of my mom’s recipes and make those foods often.
  3. Be thrifty. Start a hope chest if you haven’t already and keep your eye out for bargains. Items might include a set of dishes you see on sale, a patch quilt that someone is giving away, cookbooks from a yard sale, an unwanted dresser. Collecting necessities early will save you money later on.
  4. Discuss important issues before they arise. Will you both be working? When do you plan to have children? Once you have children will you be a stay-at-home mom? Will you rent an apartment or buy a house? What church will you go to? Where will you celebrate Christmas—his parents or yours? Will you homeschool your children? Are you going to establish a budget?

    These are the kinds of things that can bring stress to a marriage when the issues aren’t resolved. Having the same mindset will only add peace to your home. On areas where you disagree, try to resolve with a compromise. You may both change your minds on some issues as you grow your family, but going into marriage with the same expectations is the best place to start. Remember that you were created to be a helper to your husband and to be submissive to his will, so while you bring your ideas and wishes into the relationship, respect him as the leader in your home.

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
    ~ Ephesians 5:22-24, NIV

    With that said, I also urge single women to choose husbands who will love them as Christ loved the church; men who will honor them as much as they honor their own body according to the Word. I pray that you have found that man.

  5. When deciding where you plan on living, a good rule of thumb is to budget 30-35% for rent and utilities. Being on the higher side will mean that you will have to cut down on other expenses, while being in the 30% range or lower gives you more flexibility. So choose wisely.
  6. Pray for your fiancé daily and continue to do this after you’re married. Listen to his needs and his concerns regardless of how small they may seem and bring his burden to the Lord. A man is strengthened by the prayers of his wife.
  7. Last but not least, never–ever let the sun go down on your wrath. My husband and I vowed to do this before we got married and it’s been one thing we’ve strived to carry on throughout the years. Letting any anger remain unresolved will only grow and fester. Deal with problems immediately and humbly consider the needs of each other.

“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
~1 Thessalonians 5:15-18

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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