Using Your Words to Build Your Marriage

Using Your Words to Build Up Your Marriage

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. –Proverbs 14:1

My dad is a builder.

Growing up, I remember my dad always building or rebuilding something. And he was (and still is) very good it. Whether it is a new roof, deck, remodeled room, or floor, he has a skill for taking raw materials and building something beautiful.

As wives, we are builders – shaping and crafting our marriages to be something beautiful. In love, and with joy, we labor to build a marriage that brings honor to God. Like a skilled builder, we are careful, patient, thoughtful, and intentional.

One of the ways we build or rebuild a God-honoring marriage is with our words. The Bible teaches us that our words can be a tool for either life or death.

We’ll either build our marriage or break it, with our words.

My husband would tell you that I love to talk! One of my very favorite things to do with my husband it to sit on the couch after the kids are in bed and talk. We talk about our dreams, ministry, our family, what needs to be done, the future, and a whole lot more!

Words aren’t just for communication; words are for construction.

We are builders when we use our words wisely. With our words, we are building a marriage that matters, and makes it, through the good and bad. So I want to ask you today….what will you build with your words?

Here are three things we need to build with our words:

1. Build intimacy with your words

Intimacy is not just something physical. Are you sharing your heart with your husband? Is he sharing his heart with you? Do you just talk about what needs to be done? Cultivating a marriage with meaningful communication will build deeper intimacy.  Words move two hearts closer together and unite them as one. Be patient with your hubby – we all know men in general don’t talk as much! Set aside time for just the two of you to talk.

2. Build encouragement with your words

One of the best things I can do for our relationship is to be an encourager. Encouragement comes naturally to me..but so does controlling. And my sneaky suspicion is that controlling comes naturally to most women. (ahem). When we want to control we can tend to nag. The word nag actually means to annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. Not only does nagging irritate, it is a sin. It is a sign of a heart issue that we have. Proverbs 15:4 says the tongue is like a tree of life. As a woman, you can choose to be a tree of life that provides nourishment for your husband. The fruit that tree provides will either starve or satisfy your him.

3. Build joy with your words

God didn’t create marriage to be boring! Have fun for goodness sakes! Life is hard – it’s full of tough and sobering reminders that we live in a broken world. So use your words to bring fun and joy into your marriage and home.

So I ask you again…. what will you build with your words??

God has not called you to demolition work – he’s called you to building! With God’s help, build something beautiful, intimate, and powerful in your marriage with your words. Use your words to build greater intimacy, encouragement, and joy!


Ruth Schwenk, The Better Mom & For the Family

Like you, Ruth wears many hats! She loves being the wife of a pastor, who is her best friend and love of her life. She is a grateful homeschooling mom of four beautiful children, and also a hopeful mom who looks forward to seeing her five miscarried children in heaven. Ruth is a graduate of The Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL. On August 1st, 2011, Ruth launched TheBetterMom.com, a site dedicated to moms who want to be better moms by sharing life and learning together, to the glory of God. In September 2013, her and her husband Patrick launched FortheFamily.org dedicated to helping Christian families. Ruth’s passions include, loving God, leading worship, and inspiring others to have a God honoring family.