Day 12 – In Search of Security

My husband hasn’t always been my biggest fan.

He’s even been known to voice those things about me that really bug him.

How dare he?

Doesn’t he know that my feelings will get hurt?

Doesn’t he understand that my whole day will be miserable if he does not give me a loving squeeze and a cheerful kiss goodbye when he leaves for work?

I spent years allowing the emotions of my day to be hinged on how my husband talked to me and treated me. If I felt loved and accepted by him, it was a good day. But if I felt I had let him down or he was angry or disappointed with me about something, it was a bad day. I lived my life through his eyes. My security came from him alone.

I struggled with this until I learned that my esteem and security were supposed to come from my God. In fact, the way that I was living was putting a huge strain on my husband and our relationship.

Do you know why? Wait for it…

Because I put him in a position that God never intended him to be… my all in all, my everything. I did. I was like the shifting waves of the sea. Up and down depending on his praise or lack of it. I let his actions and approval of me dictate the mood and atmosphere of my life and home.

One negative look or comment could send my emotions spiraling down.

Thankfully, I was in a Bible study that set me on the right track. God’s Word taught me that my joy needed to come from my relationship with Him and that nothing and no one could take THAT joy away.

I learned to walk close to God and let His Word be my barometer. I found out that God wanted to be My Everything, and in fact it was wrong to put any person in that position in my life.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!
~ 1 John 3:1, NIV

I was God’s child, His precious daughter. He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. The more I learned about the Lord, the more I loved Him and understood His love for me. This very insecure woman found security in God her Father. He became my All in All… and continues to make that so real to me every day.

Sure, I still have days when I need to remind myself that my joy comes from the Lord and nothing or no one can take that away. I have to choose to walk in contentment and joy–it won’t happen by accident.

I need to fill my cup with the Lord and His goodness so that I am not draining my husband… wanting him to fulfill my desire for love. God is most pleased when I am satisfied with Him and it makes my marriage so much stronger. Now I can focus on being a Godly wife and not on sucking the life out of my husband.

I don’t analyze every word he says anymore. I choose love. Love trusts and hopes and believes the best about people. And when my husband has had a bad day, I can try to turn it around instead of falling into that pit myself.

I pray like this:

Lord, help me to find my joy and security in You, and You alone. The other relationships in my life are so meaningful and rewarding, but they are not what sustains me, that is reserved for You.

Help me to run to You first, Lord. Fill me, and let me pour Your love into my family as it overflows from my heart.