Day 5 – To Give Up My Need to Be Right

by | Jan 11, 2013 | Marriage, Ultimate Marriage Vow


 Just a heads up before we get into day 5. There won’t be any Marriage Vows on Saturday or Sunday. We’ll be continuing with day 6 on Monday and so on. Hope that’s okay with y’all!! 

 Just over the Christmas holidays I got a letter from a reader who asked me a question about a quote that I have in my book, The Good Wife’s Guide. The quote reads like this: 

“Give up any selfish ambition or conceit, including your need to be right.”
My thoughts on that stemmed from the following verse: 
Make my joy complete by being like-minded,

having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you
to the interests of the others.

~ Philippians 2:2-4

Her question to me was, “Is my need to be understood, my need to be right?“

I’m glad that she asked me about that because over the past few months, the Lord has been nudging me toward the topic of communication, to share the importance of it. 

Nobody should have to give up their voice in a marriage. Communication is vital, and a healthy marriage is one where both a husband and wife have the opportunity convey their thoughts with each other. 

So when I’m talking about your need to be “right” I’m talking about a human desire to win.

Communication isn’t a game and it’s not about winning or losing. After all shouldn’t we both be on the same team?


All too often it becomes a game where we work against each other until someone wins and the other one loses. Depending on the personalities involved, this can either come out looking like a shouting match or take on the form of silent treatment.

I tend to be the strong silent type. *sigh.* But I’m getting a lot better over the years.

The person who values the other higher than himself is willing to let go of the anger, gracefully drop out of a fight and bring it to God in prayer. Stepping back (by trying to diffuse an argument in kindness and with love) and leaving it in the hands of the Lord is taking a high road and should never be deemed as taking “loser’s seat.” 


Grace is undeserved favor. And while it might go unnoticed by man it doesn’t go unnoticed by God.

Finally at the end of the day, when all is said and done, he gets the deciding vote. Why? We’ll talk more about that one on Monday! 

Today’s Vow: To Give Up My Need to Be Right
The Challenge: Let your voice be heard, but put down any weapons of warfare. Practice holding your tongue when you’re angry and carrying your burdens to prayer.

Side note: Vows are things we are working towards. As we enter with the best of intentions we are still a work in progress who struggles against the flesh. Enter with a heart that is willing to grow, learn, and pick yourself up when you fall.

You are loved by an almighty God,

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