Debunking 5 Myths About Marriage
Some days I hear great things about marriage. I hear about couples in love, I read about men who cherish their wives, and I see women respecting their husbands. And then there are days–too many to count–when the media spreads a cloak of darkness over the subject. Husbands are mocked, wives are ridiculed, and marriage is slammed. It makes you wonder what young people are thinking when they hear things like, “Marriage: You better start drinking now. It only gets worse from here.”
That’s bleak. When you consider that marriage is a union ordained by God, then you know that it’s got to be better than that. And it is. And after 25 years, I’m here to confirm that it’s good and to debunk the myths that surround us.
Myth: Marriage Makes People Miserable.
Fact: Whether you’re married or not, insensitive people make us feel miserable. But those who are committed to making their marriage work are also committed to communicating with their spouse and making the other person happy. Michael goes out of his way to brighten my day. He brings home surprises, he calls me from work just to see how I’m doing, and he spends time having fun with me in the evenings. There’s nothing miserable about that.
Myth: Sex After Marriage is Lousy.
Fact: It’s true that intimacy can be difficult when a couple is busy with new-found responsibilities such as caring for a new baby, BUT there’s nothing like making love to someone who knows what you like and how you like it. When you’ve been with the same person for 25 years, you connect on an entirely different level. You know each other more intimately than two people possibly can, and you know how to make your spouse tick.
Myth: After You Say “I Do,” It’s all Downhill from There
Fact: Planning a wedding is hard. The weeks leading up to it are exciting, but they can also be an incredible source of stress. When the decorations are put away and all the guests have gone home, you can finally relax and start enjoying yourselves. That’s when the real journey begins. The wedding is merely one gift on a string of many blessings that unfold over the years: that moment you hold your first child, then your second, and your third… the day you purchase your first home together and start picking out furniture… the afternoon your husband comes home to tell you that he got the promotion that you’ve been praying for… making your own family traditions… saving for retirement… becoming grandparents… and the list goes on…
Myth: Only a Few People are Lucky Enough to Stay in Love.
Fact: Staying in love has nothing to do with luck and everything to do with commitment. Those who are committed to making their marriage work put in the effort it takes to improve themselves and to love their spouse through the good times and bad.
Myth: In-Laws are the Enemy
Fact: More and more I’ve seen women around me connecting with their mother-in-laws and vice-versa. There’s nothing as sweet as hearing one refer to a young woman as their daughter-in-love. My mother-in-law is a wonderful person. She has given me one of the greatest gifts that a woman can give another by the way she raised my husband. It takes time and patience to blend two families together, but I’ll always be grateful to have them in our lives.
Check out my new book,
The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife: 18 Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
14 Comments
TracyVin
I guess I’m strange. Or maybe it’s because I’m later to this marriage thing than most ( I got married at 37 for the first time!). I just never understood how people can assume that marriage is going to change the relationship. I know that there are changes. You’re learning to live with a new person, etc. But if the relationship is full of drama and strife, getting married won’t change it. Most times, it actually makes it worse. I also never understood the hating on the in law thing. Sure, my mother-in-law isn’t perfect, and she’s ticked me off a time or two, but if it weren’t for HER, her son, MY husband wouldn’t be the amazing man that he is. And no matter how angry I get at her, I have to remember that I do love her, if for no other reason than BECAUSE I love him. But I’m lucky. I thank God daily (sometimes multiple times a day!) for my husband and his family. As a matter of fact, we bought a house this year and both his brother AND Mom moved in! So, I’m the odd person out, but really I’m not, because we’re all close and we treat each other as family. Anyway! I’m off my soapbox!
Ansley
Thank you so much for this posting! This is a refreshing breath of fresh air for me as a new wife. It was, and still can be so discouraging to be constantly surrounded by a marriage bashing media, and culture…even among a lot of Christians! Thank you for the reminder that marriage is God given, and that there is more than the “my life is over” mentality out there.
Hanna
Beautiful write up. Thumbs up!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace
This is a great list, Darlene! I had always heard that in-laws were the enemy. I’ve not found that to be true either. I’m very close with my mother-in-love, and I’m so grateful for the relationship we’ve formed because of the privilege of marrying her son. Great list! Thanks for sharing.
Kendra
This is so spot on! After the wedding itself, life was so much more relaxed and wonderful. This list really shows the comments that people make, and I’ve wondered where the heck they got them, because none of them were/are accurate with my husband and I.
Jenny
I was married in June of 2013 and I can attest to the fact that many people were very discouraging about marriage. They told my soon to be husband that he would never be free again and that he better get used to never being able to do what he wanted again. They told me that all the sweet little things my fiance did for me would be a vague memory after marriage. That he would not be romantic after that. Honestly they did make it sound misrrable. (And these were Christian people from our church!) They did make sex after marriage sound like nothing great. They actually filled my husband’s head with negative attitudes about it. Thank you for posting this. People need to know that it doesn’t have to be like that. My husband always says “Marriage is what we make it.” And so far, after 7 months , I can say its such a blessing to be married to my best friend. We have hard times and spats now and then but I would never trade our life together. 🙂
Maria
Totally agree with you. Was wonderful reading this post. God bless…..
K.C.
There is one other myth that needs to be debunked: “It’s just a piece of paper.” NO IT’S NOT!!! My husband and I spent just about every day together from the moment we met, for 3 years before we were married. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to continue to live separately for a short period of time after we got married. All we had for a honeymoon was one night at a local hotel. With “it’s just a piece of paper” in my head, I figured that, when we said “good night” to each other the first night we had to go to our respective homes, it would be the same as it was for almost every day for the past 3 years. We were both surprised by how emotional we felt! We both felt like we were being ripped apart! I know I cried myself to sleep, and didn’t feel right again until my father-in-law took pity on us and rearranged his apartment so that we could live together there (in-law myth debunked as well). for the record, we celebrated our 28th anniversary last September.
Kaye Frachey
My darling husband and I have been married for 53 years now and let me tell you……. our marriage
gets better every day. As far as I am concerned, All five myths are bogus. Sure, there were times in
my marriage where the “Wedding Day Glow” faded somewhat, but that’s where the REAL LOVE began.
We had good times and some not-so-good-times, but we believed in our marriage and each other.
Now that we have been married this long, I realize that, when I married my loving husband so many
years ago, it was THE BEST THING I EVER DID. Now that we have retired I count my blessings, and
when I reminisce I Know I would do it over again. And as for interfering in-laws—-I had the dearest,
most loving father and mother-in-law in the world. My MIL was a second mother to me and I Never
regretted any advice I asked for. I can only hope I am half as good a mother-in-law to my son’s wife
as she was to me. So my only advice is hang in there, the best is yet to come.
Judy
Love your short concise post! I too will be married 25 years in December of 2014 and agree with you on all points. God’s graces are abundant in the covenant of marriage.
Roy
I could not help but notice that this was written by a lady and all the comments so far seem to be from ladies. Marriage is indeed good and is from God. It is a representation of Christ and the Church. I have heard many men who were and are married talk negatively about marriage, only a few talk positively about it. So what change has taken place that makes marriage undesirable to men? For it still seem desirable to women, but not to most men.
P.s. I am a man with a lovely wife.
Serg
Pure subjectivity. My experience is totally opposite.
Funny you didn’t mention his in-laws..
Heather L.
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I work at a gas station and I’m getting married in May. I work with a few people who have divorced and either re-married or are still single. There are also many customers that come in and have been divorced. All the time, I hear bad sides of marriage, everything changes, and other negative things. And it hurts me… Because I’ve always dreamed of marriage and to hear how other peoples’ have fallen apart just hurts. It makes me worry for mine, but then I remember I am my own person, not them. My fiance is not them. We’ve already been through so much in our little 3 year long (almost) relationship and I am excited to go through many more trials with him. He keeps me strong. He is the other half that may get on my nerves but I need him, because he challenges me more than any else ever did to be a better me. And as for my in-laws, they are my second family. My own family couldn’t afford to pay for the wedding or much of it (though most of my family is contributing with their mementos and skills [Godmother making wedding dress, wearing grandmother’s garters]), so along with us saving our own money, my fiance’s family is graciously helping out because they want to and aren’t judging at all. I call my MIL MOM and my FIL DAD because when I met them, they opened their arms to me and did not judge; it was like I was their own child. I am so excited to be married and my fiance is so excited to have kids, though I know I feel comfortable waiting just a little bit so we can enjoy our first year of marriage and finding a house first. 🙂 But thank you for this. I’m so happy to know that there are people who still see the greatness that is the goodness of marriage. It is a calling from God. It is a gift. I cannot wait to enjoy this blessing, with all the responsibility that comes with it. Thank you God above for such a beautiful, wonderful blessing and gift!!
Maria
If you have a husband who sends thoughtful notes, etc., of COURSE you won’t be miserable. Not everybody has the same set of circumstances. Our marriage started with my adolescent children and at times it got ugly. But since I got pregnant right away, I hung in there. Life isn’t always a picnic, but we can still honor God. And relationships can exist without sexual interaction. After 50, I really lost all desire, but I am very happy nonetheless. I think the notion of wedded bliss is overrated. If you have it; great. But don’t consider those who don’t have it as desiring less of God.