Dear Darlene,
I am sorry for my to-the-point approach, but I am typing with one hand as I breastfeed my one-month-old.
I am interested in your book but when I read the summary and a blog of yours I was left deflated and reduced to tears. I have a 3-year-old and a newborn, and I don’t know how I can even find the strength to brush my teeth.
I try. And I am a good mom, but it seems a little overwhelming to spend so much work lifting my husband up when I can’t even lift my head up. I know you will probably answer that God and Christ are the source of my energy, but I guess I need direction on how to tap into that energy… so I can be a better wife and look at your suggestions without feeling exhaustion and disgust. I understand what I am supposed to do, I just don’t know how.
New Mama
Dear Mama,
As I’m reading your letter, I see that you are lifting your husband up by being an incredible mother to his children. We are called to be our husband’s help meet. So with that in mind, stop for one moment and think about how his life would be without you in it. If he did all that he had on his plate, plus looked after a three-year-old and a newborn–not to mention breast-feeding and typing at the same time *wink* anyone would be a mess. And so the Lord took a rib from Adam, created a woman, and brought her unto the man.
There isn’t any energy to tap into because to tell you the truth I think that anyone looking after young children, like you are, is expelling more energy than anyone I know just by making it through the day.
There is a season for everything and this season is a difficult one, but trust me, it passes quickly.
I can’t tell you the number of young moms that are in the same boat as you are–and feel the same level of frustration. It feels like you are helpless to get anything done, and that pretty much sums it up because a newborn needs to be held a lot and three-year-olds need a lot of attention.
In addition to that, all of the sleepless nights can tire out a couple and put extra strain on a marriage.
In my book, The Good Wife’s Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet I talk about something that my sister Betty calls, “June Cleaver Syndrome.” That is when our expectations are based on who we think we should be according to the high standards we see around us rather than celebrating the women that we were created to be.
June Cleaver Syndrome develops when we’re busy imitating someone else’s expectations, rather than those that are a reasonable fit for our lifestyle. We have an idea of what a “perfect” mom should look like, but that image isn’t anything near to the woman we are.
This desire for perfection can take the shape of anything from body image to the way we clean our house. But the truth is that we aren’t all cut from the same cloth. We’re all walking different paths and have our own set of circumstances. For example, I have a fourteen-year-old daughter who loves to cook, and two boys who help out with chores–we can’t possibly compare that to the load you are carrying.
What I talk about on my blog and in my book are those things that we should strive for according to the instruction given to us in Titus chapter two:
That they [the older women] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. ~ Titus 2:4-5, KJV
And while we are striving for these things, I don’t know of any women who do it all perfectly well. We’re all a work in progress leaning on the Lord by His grace.
With that said, there are ways that we can lift up our husbands during the busy seasons of life. One is to remind him often of how much he means to you, and the second is to keep him in prayer. Even during quiet times when you are rocking baby to sleep, you can slip in time to pray for your husband. Being there to support your husband spiritually and emotionally is an incredible gift.
I hope that my letter is an encouragement to you.
You might also be interested in these links:
Has the New Baby Flipped Your House Upside Down?
Do you Know How Proud I Am of You?
You are loved by an almighty God,
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Check out my book, The Good Wife’s Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet
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