And a Titus 2sday Linkup!!

Introducing our host today, Jessica Heights…

Jessica is a passionately Christian, blissfully wed, full-time homemaker and mother of four. She is the author and founder of Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility, in which she grows alongside and encourages women as they blossom as mothers, wives, seekers of truth and conduits of grace. She is also a co-host of Relevant and a contributing writer to Raising Homemakers, and Christmas Change.

If there is one area you could improve in your marriage – specifically in your treatment of your husband – what would it be?

Sadly, if many husbands were asked this same question, referring to your treatment of him, they may offer a different answer than you might think. And so today, I’d like to address a topic that I’m sure will hit home for nearly all of the wives out there: resisting the womanly urge to become a “dripping faucet” in our husband’s lives; aka, a NAG.

As women, I feel that it’s easy to fall into a pattern of needling our husbands when they repeatedly annoy us. Doesn’t it seem as though your husband required a thousand reminders about even the smallest thing?? Doesn’t he seem to need your direction on just about everything???

The short answer is NO!

I probably just lost half of you, but stay with me here, ladies: if you strive to make your home a haven for your family, a place lit by loving camaraderie and mutual esteem, why on earth would you want to make the man to whom you joined your life uncomfortable there? Who {especially a male “who”} wants to spend their time in the presence of a pugnacious person every single day?

…and a quarrelsome wife
is like a constant dripping.
~ Proverbs 19:13b


So what is a wife to do?

I’ve outlined a few points that have helped me to avoid becoming contentious to my husband. While I’m certainly not a perfect wife, keeping these things in mind helps me to stay focused on being his crown, rather than a constant dripping!

1. Choose your battles.
   
   
   Better to live on a corner of the roof
   than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
   ~ Proverbs 21:9
   
   
   When Jordan and I were newly married, I began to notice some little habits of his that, to be quite frank, drove me crazy {yes, he knows I’m sharing these things with you}. The first is that he never closed a door – closet or cabinet. I would walk through our apartment to find every door he had touched ajar. The second is that somehow, he managed to teleport out of his clothing without pulling it apart; I was quite literally pulling shirts, undershirts, pants, underwear, and socks apart for each of his outfits every time I did the laundry!!

   At that point in our marriage, he was working so much that I only saw him for about two hours or so each night. Rather than ruining that time with him by reminding him of the fact that he wasn’t living up to my expectations of door-closing practices and undressing techniques, or complaining that he left his clothing entangled, I made a choice. I decided that the two seconds it took me to reach my hand out to close a door was not worth risking an argument. I did, however, ask him to please pull his clothing apart as he deposited it into the hamper…and lo and behold, he was happy to do so!

2. Speak to him gently.
   
   
   A gentle answer turns away wrath,
   but a harsh word stirs up anger.
   ~ Proverbs 15:1
   
   
   Let’s revisit the scenario above. If your best friend, your closest and most treasured female companion was engaging in those particular behaviors, would you storm up to her and bellow “What is wrong with you?? Can’t you SEE the hamper 3 feet in front of you???? WHY can’t you do something as simple as pulling your underwear out of your pants? Are you incapable of closing a door?? Were you raised in a BARN?” or sigh audibly and stomp around to show her how righteously angry you are? I would hope not! {And if you answered yes, how many close friends do you really have?}

   Your husband is far more than your best friend; the two of you are one! He is your mate, your leader, your lifelong counterpart whom you owe respect, affection and grace. Instead, of spewing out commands, insults, or even using an acrid tone, simply ask gently! Remember that bit about attracting more flies with honey? It’s applicable to your man as well!! Because I was kind in my request concerning the clothing, my husband was more than happy to undress in a more contentious manner.

3. Nix that critical tongue!
   
   
   Reckless words pierce like a sword,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
   ~ Proverbs 12:8
   
   
   Let’s face facts: no one likes to have their flaws and shortcomings magnified, discussed, and regularly picked apart. I repeat: No. One.

   Imagine that your husband has just returned home from work. For all you know, he had the WORST day of his life, and hoped to find some reprieve when he came home…but instead, he is greeted by snarling criticism. Wouldn’t that just make him want to hurry home into your presence the next time he left the house?

   If your husband treated you that way, imagine how quickly the barbs of his words would bring you to your knees! Again, if you would not treat a friend in this manner, you must never behave this way toward your husband!! Rather, you should endeavor to regularly compliment him, as a means to build him up. Now, I’m not insinuating that you need to shower him with praise every minute. But by keeping your focus on the positive, he will feel respected and cherished. In addition, when the majority of your speech is positive, it will create focus on the concerns you voice {gently}, and demonstrate that doing what you ask is important to you.

4. You are his wife, NOT his mommy.
   
   
   Your desire will be for your husband…
   ~ Genesis 3:16b
   
   
   Listen to me here, ladies: you are not raising your husband!

   The meaning behind the verse listed above raises a very important point. Due to the sinful, fallen nature of humanity, women have a natural desire to control their husbands. We try to micro-manage them. Manipulate them. Change them. We just can’t help ourselves, can we?

   Your husband may have habits, some trivial {like my silly laundry problem}, and some gravely serious sin issues that have roots in his childhood. Your continual digging at him will never change those things. It will only make you seem like a constant dripping! Rather, with loving, supportive words from you, prayer may be the only way to help him overcome larger issues and hurts.

   What you need to understand is this: it is not your job to “fix” him!! Some things may never change. If his mother trained him carelessly when he was a child, the fault for that is on her head, not yours. As his wife, your place is to prayerfully support him in overcoming. Stop trying to hold the world on your shoulders, girl! Give these things to God!

5. Bottom line: you married a human being.
   
   
   Be completely humble and gentle;
   be patient, bearing with one
   another in love.
   ~ Ephesians 4:2
   
   
   Unless you know something I don’t about your husband, you married a flawed, fleshly sinner. {If you have a Stepford husband, feel free click your remote, start a foot massage, and skip to my next post. But for the rest of you, this is important!}

   He is going to make mistakes. He will annoy you. He will forget to do things you’ve asked him to do, he will fall back into negative behavioral patterns, and will be snared by the devil into issues of sin. This is why he needs you-his helpmeet, companion, and other half–to offer your steadfast support and to lift him up in prayer!! You would crumble internally if your husband expected you to me superwoman…so conversely, you cannot expect him to be superman!!!!

   It has been said many times, by many people that love is a choice. That is not only true for you, but also for your husband. For goodness’ sake ladies, in a world that holds so many things fighting to seduce your husband’s heart away from you, fix that faucet and make it an easy choice!!

If you have any questions or comments, you can contact Jessica through her website, Muthering Heights:

In Participation with:

If you would like to have Time-Warp Wife delivered to your inbox daily, simply click here: Subscribe to Time-Warp Wife