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Over the past few weeks, we’ve talked about good works and how our actions proclaim the wisdom of God. This week we’ve read about taming the tongue and how words have the potential to divide friendships, destroy families, and hinder our testimonies as believers. At the end of chapter three, James goes a bit deeper, inviting us to examine the condition of our hearts.

 “Who is wise and understanding among you?” he writes, “Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.”

As we got to talking about this in our Bible study group on Facebook this week, this question came up:

“This week we talked about Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. I have tried to raise my children to have this servant heart, but at the same time, I don’t want them to be a door mat for cruel people to walk all over. How can you show grace and mercy without being stepped all over, especially to people who have a habit of doing just that?”

It’s a good question, and worth digging into a little deeper. While this question seems more about protecting our children from being taken advantage of, I believe the answer is just as important for us as women. It’s essential to teach our children—and remind ourselves—to be humble and kind, going the extra mile for others. After all, the Bible tells us, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36, NIV), and Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” At the same time, we’re also called to be wise stewards of the things that we have which includes our resources and our time. Stepping back at times isn’t about withholding grace or mercy, but rather it’s a way to serve others without being drained or misused. By being discerning, we can continue showing love and grace without enabling others to misuse our kindness.

Going a bit deeper and perhaps in a slightly different direction, I’d like to add that it’s okay to speak up respectfully when we’re hurt, and even to step back when it’s necessary to draw boundaries. In stepping back, we can still act in love by choosing to pray for the person rather than slandering them.

Yes, we’re called to forgive others, but there’s a balance between enduring mistreatment when it’s part of our calling and being wise about protecting ourselves from abuse or repeated harm. In Romans 12:18, Paul says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” But notice it says, “if it is possible.” Sometimes peace requires setting limits. Paul’s words are not an excuse to simply give up on others, but he also knows that it’s not always possible to maintain good relationships. Some people reject kindness, and others can be abusive. This is where wisdom comes in.

How do we turn the other cheek without setting ourselves up for abuse? We respond to insults with grace instead of retaliation. There’s a difference between absorbing an insult in the spirit of love and allowing ourselves to be subjected to harm. The key lies in balancing grace with wisdom.

David is a perfect example of this. Saul pursued David relentlessly, determined to take his life, but David, trusting God’s timing, chose to flee to safety rather than retaliate. He sought refuge in various places, preserving his life while continuing to rely on God’s protection and plan. Even when David had opportunities to kill Saul, he refused, saying, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him, for he is the anointed of the Lord” (1 Samuel 24:6, NIV). Even after Saul’s death, David mourned his loss, honoring his role as king.

Setting boundaries, as David did, is a way to protect ourselves while still loving others. By setting healthy boundaries, we give the other person a chance to change and grow while also protecting ourselves from harm.

This Week’s Printable

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