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Am I Good Enough, Lord?

bookbox

Just a few days ago this box arrived at my door. I guess you could say that it’s a box I’ve been waiting for over ten years now.

Advance copies of my upcoming book.

Overwhelmed with tears, and fears, and gratitude I opened the box, picked up a book, and held the print in my hand. All I wanted to do in that moment was kneel down and pray. Tears of humility as I marvel at the grace of God. He’s everything from the writing to the message itself. I’m nothing without grace.

I’m fearful some days that I can’t fulfil the role He’s calling me to. I kneel and pray and leave it at the foot of His throne to use me as He will. Thankful also for the many prayers you have said on my behalf.

And I whisper prayers of thanks for a publisher who believes in me and supports my ministry. An agent who has walked beside me through it all, and friends–so many of you–who are supporting this book launch.

It’s all grace, pure grace.

And then I look back in my archives to find this post, written at the start of my ministry. Again I’m reminded how all of this is a gift…

From the archives, 2010

Before I clicked publish on this blog, I asked myself, “Am I good enough?” Am I good enough to call myself a Time-Warp Wife? Just because I seek to return to the time-past values I cherish, can I wear that title now–today? Am I good enough to share my beliefs and convictions with others, when I’ve failed so miserably myself?

I look around the room, and although I’ve cleaned the house this afternoon it looks like a hurricane hit it tonight. My profile photo is perfect, but I sit here and type in a white robe and socks. My hair is tied back in a pony, and my bangs are unkempt. I sent the children to bed hours ago, and I still hear the shuffle of papers in my daughter’s room. She’s anxious for school as we all are.

“Go to sleep, Sweetie,” I remind her, before she enters the hall for one more trip to the bathroom. I strive for order in the house, but it gets the best of me most days.

Am I good enough, Lord?

My laundry is backed up, we have few socks to wear, and I have windows to wash. We vacuumed twice today, but the bird had a party in his cage, and seeds need to be vacuumed again.

I’m not a Caroline Ingalls, Olivia Walton, or June Cleaver. I’ve disappointed my friends, my Lord, and my husband at times. I feel that disappointment today and it wrenches my heart. Loneliness, fear and heartbreak set in.

Am I good enough, Lord?

A voice inside tells me I’m not. It points out my failures and my shortcomings. It reminds me of the many times I’ve driven my children to school and forgotten a lunch, a note or their gym clothes. It tells me that that I’m disorganized and that I don’t measure up to other women my age. It tells me that I’m a sinner unworthy to stand before God.

And then I hear another voice that gently speaks:

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5, NIV

Again I ask, am I good enough Lord? Can I be that faithful servant with every shortcoming I have?

I read 2 Corinthians where I’m reminded of this…

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; – 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

It’s all grace, pure grace. Nothing but the grace of our Lord.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

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27 Comments

  • Stefanie @ Calledhis.com

    This is beautiful! Praise God and his Grace, and all the ways he has guided your hands and led your life. I’m so excited for you to be seeing a book in print, it’s amazing, and it’s even more amazing that you can truly give thanks to God for making it happen!

    I hope to read your book, by the way!

  • Julie Ann Filter

    This absolutely resonates with me. I am often overwhelmed with self-doubt when I feel a pressing urge to write or share a concept that Yahweh has taught to me and convicted in my soul, but I am fairly quickly halted from action when I realize how less than perfect I am in carrying out the idea. How I can possibly teach on something for which I am not an “expert”, or even “appropriately” educated?? Our Abba is still grooming me in this arena, but I understand the sentiment. He continually reminds me that we are all works in progress, and on this journey together, and we need each other for encouragement and re-direction to keep our eyes on the throne of Heaven. Thanks for the reminder. It is surely all about grace =0). Blessings!

  • Sharee

    What an accomplishment! You persevered and got it done. God always desires our best and our obedience and you have done that…I am so proud of you. God has used you in so many ways already and He is not finished yet. Thank you for being authentic. You have provided much “tasty” food for thought over the years that I have personally found beneficial. 🙂

  • Sue K

    Loved this post, Darlene! You ABSOLUTELY are good enough (beyond!) in my eyes! You are a REAL mom/wife/Christian woman who shows us how despite our imperfections God loves us and works in us and through us in our daily lives! If you didn’t have “robe and socks” moments we would not be able to relate to you. I am SO blessed by your sharing your day to day moments! and I particularly laughed at your June Cleaver reference…June Cleaver has become my nickname with a few work friends, and we laugh when I say I’m not having a “June day”! Can’t wait to read your book!

  • Joanne Peterson

    The very reason you can teach us is because you don’t have it all together. You’re still working at it while in real life. Only Jesus did have it all together and perfect because He is Perfect; and because He chose to empty Himself for us can He empathize with our weakness.

    I can’t identify with someone who has it all together. I have felt like quitting when I have someone who can’t be real enough to make mistakes, get up and try again because she is given grace by our Jesus. Those who have struggled and admit it, can hear with their hearts, and can be a cheerleader to another because they have been on the journey of working out their salvation with fear and trembling and humility.

  • Leticia Justus

    Awesome & moving Post !
    This touches a nerve in my heart because so often I am my own worst enemy . Fighting back the negative thoughts that creep in . And then I remember that my own mind is not responsible for every thought . We have an Enemy who’s sole purpose and joy in his life is bringing down my purpose and joy in my life .
    I find it helpful to put it down in writing the times I have been thanked by my husband for the way I keep the house tidy or cook a good meal . Or when my kids have written me a note saying ” you’re the best mommy ever !!! ” . Seeing those words written out helps me quiet that Negative Voice . So when those times come up and I want to ask ” am I good enough Lord ? ” , God can gently lead me to those little encouraging notes that say a resounding ” YES !!! ” .
    Leticia from King Maker blog

  • Crystal Storms

    I am blessed by your humility and honesty. It’s so easy to compare our insides and imperfections to other’s outsides and seeming perfections.
    But through His empowering grace, you have become a vessel that draws a line from your imperfections to His perfection. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story and allowing Him to use it for His glory.

  • Renee

    I’m so happy for you and your new book, Darlene. A year ago I started my blog and prior to that day I had so many things that would come up or that I would read or study and I’d think “I could write about that.” Now, I find myself with feeling unsure, to the point that today, I deleted a post, simply because of self doubt. Who am I to try to give any one advice on living a Christian life when I fail so miserably? I think it is a female struggle. We want to be the ‘perfect Proverbs 31 wife’ and we judge ourselves by perfect standards that we can never achieve. Still we strive, like Martha, to please everyone….and be good enough….rather than resting like Mary.

  • Karen

    I understand your tears over the grace given to you. I, too, have cried them. I am praying for more grace so that we will always be mindful of it and that we listen for His voice tenderly reminding us that we are His blood-bought daughters. May God continue to use your service in His kingdom to bless many more marriages and touch hearts for eternity.

  • Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    God’s grace is a concept I strive to behold, yet it is far beyond my finite mind. It’s all grace. Everything. Thank you for that reminder today. Congratulations on your book. It has been a blessing to me! I understand your fear of putting such personal words on a page and sharing them with the world. Thank you for having the courage and being an example for the rest of us. Thank you for allowing God to use you for His purposes.

  • Tracey

    Darlene, God has used you to encourage me time and time again.I have been going through a very hard season in life and without wanting to disrespect my husband, won’t go into it on here for the world to see. It has been a time of great hurt and much tears for everyone. But just when I need it you are used by our mighty God to encourage me to forgive, forget, move on, choose to respect anyway, give undeserved grace, choose to stay, let God change me, and trust God that he is working on him. He is not my job, he is my privilege, it is my honor to be his wife.

    Anyway thankyou for letting God use you. I wanted to encourage you with a verse;
    So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship to Christ.
    that is our goal, our purpose, we are all sinners saved by grace, with nothing that we have done to declare us righteous it’s all about what Christ did for us, poor broken sinners that now when our Abba father looks at us we are seen as righteous through Christ’s blood washing away all impurities. That is our worth, Darlene, he needs us to be broken so we will see him and others will see him through us and give him the glory not us. Thank you my sister, thankyou so much.

    • Darlene Schacht

      Tracey, have you read the first chapter on my book? It’s about grace and marriage. I think you can read the first chapter free on Amazon. I sense that you’ll be blessed by that chapter.

      And thank you so much for sharing this scripture and encouragement.

      • Tracey

        I was trying not to because i was so sure i started i wouldn’t want to put it down, so i was patiently waiting for mine to arrive. Thankyou, i might just go over there and have a look when i get a chance. I’m really looking forward to getting mine, thank you for being willing to bear your heart to help not just me but others as well. May God bless you, I am praying for you

  • BeautifulInHisEyes

    Darlene, I thank God for the gift He has given you and other writers He has and is using you to minister to me. I’ve been asking myself that same question for the past few years. Something happened between me and my husband that seems to have affected every area of my life ever since. I struggled with depression and feelings of insignificance. I felt things in my family were as they were because of my faults and failings. Slowly and graciously, the Lord has used people like you to be an extension of His loving hand. I am on the way to recovery and the Lord has brought me back to where I should always be – at HIs feet. He’s making me see that I don’t have be constantly striving to be good enough. I am beautiful in His sight and valued more than I can ever imagine. May our God continue to use you to reach more wives needing encouragement.

  • Gina Kilby

    Wow! I felt as if I jist read the story of my own life. The disappointments seem so huge. At times, I feel so frustrated. I will never be like the women in Proverbs. I will never be like the woman down the road. I strive for perfection, yet fail miserably. However, I am sincere. Thank you for the reminder that I am not alone and I am not a failure. Phillipians 4:13 KJV- I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me.

  • Emily @EncouragedOverCoffee

    I am so happy for you! I love that you always lead us back to Jesus. I’m pretty sure that is all He wants you to do. You just have an eloquent way of doing it. You encourage us and share your wisdom, this is your gift. Thank you so much for all you do Darlene.

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