Dear Darlene,
I have been reading your blog for almost two years now, and it really helped get my household and my relationship in order.
My husband and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary this month. Last June we welcomed our first baby (a beautiful honeymoon baby)… and that is when things went crazy.
My house is a mess again, my husband is working long hours so I can stay home (which we discussed way before we got married, so that part I understand)… there is just no time to get chores done.
It is frustrating because i had everything in order and perfect and I felt like i was doing my job, but now… ugh. I feel like I am failing at part of my responsibility. Not only does my husband not get the attention he used to, sometimes dinner isnt ready and the house is a wreck!
This little bundle of pink likes lots of attention all of the time. Put her down to start a load of laundry and the crying starts. I’ve tried wearing a carrier/sling but some things just cannot be done with her on me.
An experienced mother’s advice would certainly help!
Thanks for your time,
New Mommy
Dear New Mommy,
Congratulations on your baby and the upcoming anniversary. What an exciting year!
Do you realize just how much has changed for you in the past 12 months? You went from being a single woman to being a wife and a mommy! A little person came out of you. *wink*
Not only are you a mom, you are mom to a newborn baby who demands so much of your time… Okay, I’m pretty much repeating everything you just said, aren’t I? LOL
Let’s take a look at these verses from Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV):
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Here’s a line that really stands out to me when it comes to the topic of newborns: a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. What that says to me is that newborns need your full attention and while they do you can’t expect to have the house the way that you always dreamed it would be or the way that you used to have it.
My guess is that during your pregnancy you had a nesting stage. Most of us do. That’s the time in our lives when we go crazy decorating and cleaning the house. We are excited that everything is pretty and everything is in its place. Suddenly your arms have taken on a 24 hour job of their own and you’re looking around the house wondering when and how you’re ever going to have a clean house again.
It can feel like the house has been flipped upside-down at times, but take heart because there’s a second part to that verse that I quoted which says, “a time to refrain from embracing.” That’s the stage when your kids start growing and you get busy taking them for walks, finger painting, going to the library, making cookies, etc. If Dad comes home and the house is a mess every day you might ask yourself, “Am I balancing things as well as I should be?” I’m not saying that all moms with growing kids have immaculate homes–what I am saying here is that we must always evaluate our lives to ensure that we are in balance.
Being a good keeper of your home includes keeping your children healthy, happy, and free from harm. Good wives learn to prioritize well and at this stage in your life a baby is your primary concern and more than a full-time job.
What I’d like to suggest to you is that you talk to your husband about your concerns. I think it might take a load off of your mind if he understands that your desire to keep the house clean isn’t in balance with your schedule or perhaps your energy level–at this time. Talking things out might help to ease your mind and perhaps you can pray about it and work out a solution together.
I’d like to add this. I remember that the cleanest my house has ever been was during those months when my children were crawling. Those were the immaculate seasons of my life because little hands were on the floor 24/7. Not only that, baby was off of my lap and I was hands free. You have to keep things off of the floor or they’ll eat it. Haha!
All this to say that you are walking through a season of your life that will change as quickly as it arrived. Do what you can and let go of that which you can’t. Embrace your baby and enjoy every minute you have.
In closing I’d like to offer you a link to a post I wrote a while ago called, “Organized Chaos.” I hope it encourages you!
You are loved by an almighty God,
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