The Honor of Becoming a Help Meet
We’re continuing our Women Living Well series today. The topic this week is finding joy in your marriage. Come back next week to be encouraged in your role as a parent. (For more details on the series click here).
If I am being honest, the first time I learned about the concept of being a “help meet” I was not too impressed. Bare in mind that I was a newly saved 22-year-old woman attending a liberal university. I grew up in a home where my step-dad and mother were very physically violent towards one another and verbally abusive as well. And the abuse didn’t end towards one another, it extended down to both my younger brother and I. I am sure you can imagine the type of mindset that I had about marriage – it was very much tainted by my circumstances and the ideology of the world.
Needless to say, I was not the little girl who dreamed about her beautiful white dress and wedding day. No, I was actually against marriage with every fiber of my being. So against it that I swore that I would never marry. But God had a different plan.
Enter into my life Jesus.
Jesus showed me a way of living that I never knew existed. He showed me forgiveness, unconditional love, mercy, and patience. He told me that He would love me and care for me regardless of the mistakes I’d make. He taught me that He had planted a tiny seed of marriage in my heart that one day, as I learned to trust in Him, would become full bloom.
And so it began.
Jesus began to minister to my heart about two simple words that would transform me to the core of my soul: help meet. He would take me on a very intense journey that consisted of healing from my past and erasing the ideals that the world had given me about marriage and replacing them with the very reason He called me to the union of marriage: to become one with my husband and serve alongside him as a help meet. And He showed me that it was an absolute honor.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. ~Genesis 2:24
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. ~Genesis 2:18
In her book, Women Living Well, Courtney said:
Here’s an important point: you were not created to be a helper to all men. (pg 58)
This is one of the things that the Lord began to show me as he corrected my attitude towards being a help meet. The Lord began to show me that I was created to be a helper to one man, my husband. I was not to be a helper to any other man, just my future husband. And that gave me great comfort and peace as Jesus was preparing my heart for marriage.
For me, my heart was transformed quickly from a woman who didn’t want to be married into a woman with a biblical mindset of being a helper to one husband. My family and friends were shocked about my change of heart. Many of them asked me how I came to this acceptance so quickly since I was such an independent and self-sufficient woman. My reply was (and still is): God’s grace and the renewing of my mind.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2)
If you, dear sister, are struggling with understanding the honor it is to be a help meet to your future or existing husband, the quickest way to come to a place of enjoyment about it is by the Word of God. Make it a habit (with no exceptions) to read scriptures that correlate with the honor of being a help meet. Make it your priority to speak God’s Word out loud as you pray meditate on it. Write the word down so you can read it and see it over and over again to help build your faith in this area.
God promises us in His word that He will deliver us from the mindset of this world so we can clearly be directed into His perfect will. Does this mean it will be a perfect path? No. Does it mean that we won’t have issues on our journey of understanding the honor of becoming a help meet? No. But it certainly guarantees that we don’t have to do it alone. God will be with us every step of the way. That brings me such comfort knowing that my faithful Savior created me to help the very man that He created to love me – my husband.
Fifteen years into my marriage and I can tell you that I am honored to be a helper alongside my husband. Although I still struggle from time-to-time in my flesh, I can say without any doubt that I was created to be a help meet to my husband. I adore Him and am thankful to God that He chose me to hold the honor of standing by his side as we walk life together doing our best to honor the Lord.
Let me leave you with a prayer:
God, I come to you in the precious name of Jesus, asking you to help me and my fellow sisters in Christ to understand and humbly walk out our roles as help meet to our husband. I pray Lord that where we fail, you will show yourself strong. I ask you Lord to give us wisdom where we lack it and help us to stand firm in our convictions as Christian wives to seek your face daily. Give us what we need to carry out the mission you’ve set before us, oh Lord. We believe that you are faithful to perform you Word and are excited to receive from you. In Jesus’ precious name I pray, Amen!
Be encouraged dear sisters to go and walk out the honor that God has given you to be a help meet!
Carlie Kercheval is a happily married work-at-home homeschooling mom. She and her college sweetheart have been blessed with 3 precious children to raise while traveling the world as a military family. Carlie is the founder of Today’s Frugal Mom™ and Managing Your Blessings. She and her husband co-author Learning to Speak Life™ Family Devotional and co-host the Learning to Speak Life™ Podcast. They also founded Fulfilling Your Vows together to promote biblical marriage. You can connect with her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.
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Thank you so much for this wonderful post and reminder that I am a help meet to my husband. What a beautiful reminder.
Carlie Kercheval | Fulfilling Your Vows
Erin, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. May God continue to bless you and your marriage! Have a wonderful day 🙂
Thank you for your post Carlie! 🙂 it is so encouraging to hear yet another sister who is obeying the Lord as a help meet!
Carlie Kercheval | Fulfilling Your Vows
You are so very welcome. Thank you for being such an encourager! Have a wonderful day!
Grrrr…. Actually, it was a great article, this is just a pet peeve of mine: http://swimthedeepend.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/im-just-sayin-8/
I love the way this article was written, and I love that you used, as Charles Spergen would say, “biblean” language. I love being a help meet to my husband and all that it includes. Thank you so much for the encouragement to “be not weary on well doing” so to speak. Blessings to you and your family, and thank you for the sacrifices you, your kids, and your husband make for our country.
Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
This is such a touchy subject for so many women today! I’m so blessed by how beautifully written this is. I have been married for over 21 years, and I can tell you that before I understood the Biblical concept of marriage, things were much more difficult. Once I allowed God to do His will in my life and make me the wife He wanted me to be, our marriage has been transformed. Thank you for this post!
I just attended a wedding today to a sweet friend who had THIS VERY HONOR today! <3
Hmmm. Help meet. Yep, been doing that for a number of years, now (19, to be precise), working in, with and for my entrepreneurial husbands numerous businesses (we currently have 6), forsaking my ‘right’ to be a stay at home mum or continue in a career that I loved, coming home from work to continue to work (dinner, kids homework, rushing around to after school activities) for two hours until hubby gets home just in time for dinner, and after dinner while hubby sits watching TV I continue to work (putting kids to bed, helping with homework, doing accounts). I get up at least an hour earlier than him to get kids off to school, and go to bed at least an hour later because the housework (washing, ironing, cleaning, maintenance etc) won’t do itself. Tell me again how this is a ‘honour’, when hubby thinks the fact that he provides a very good income is all he needs to do?
Remember to do all things as if you are doing them for God!
Have you talked to him about how you feel. Running a household takes both, a husband and a wife! Communication is so important. Don’t let bitterness set in. But we as wives should respect and honor our husbands. It’s not what man has said but what God has said.
Joseph St. Daniel
I thought I read genuine in “my entrepreneurial husbands numerous businesses (we currently have 6)”. WE? Who are we? The complaining we?
Your case before humans will be well made if you tell us the books of complaints written by your husband, regarding your contributions or lack thereof to running the “we” six businesses. I dare to hazard a guess: you will not be able to provide one. Your husband appreciates all you are doing and makes no other demands of you. Your husband assume after a long day’s work, some good, others not so good, he is coming home to loving and not a grumpy grudgy wife. Something that should highlight your arsenal of complaints that is obviously missing, is the lack of communication.
Should he try to help to interact with the children, not just put them to bed? Absodefinitelutely yes. Tell me something, all the cleaning and ironing… whom do you do these things for? An offering made grudgingly: is it acceptable to God? Can it still be said that you are doing them for your children and your husband?
I hope you repent and find your back to the honour and blessings that God gave you that you are obviously discounting at best. There are tons of beautiful sisters looking for just one child to clean, iron…, after, change their diapers , etc., and are crying out to God everyday (I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ who decreed, go ye and multiply will answer them speedily, in the Name of Jesus) out there.
There more tons of brothers and sisters who would want one successful business or rewarding career and are struggling out there (I pray that the Blessed Most Glorious Holy Ghost, will, by His own Hand, relocated His children to each of their locations, in the Name of Jesus).
Rather than rebelling against God for the honour and blessings He gave you so much, count them and thank Him.
I thank God that there are still sisters like Carlie. I am so happy.
Carlie, thank you so much for your encouraging words that it is an honor to serve my husband. Just today, I listened to a sermon at church where I heard that it was an honor to serve others because when we do so we are following Jesus example. Since Jesus told us to do as he did when he washed the disciples feet, we ought to do the same. (Jesus washed even Judas Iscariot’s feet.)
I praise God that my husband is a good man. It is a blessing to serve him even when he forgets to say thank you because in anything I do I have to keep in mind that, ultimately, I am doing it unto Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Albeit, the article was good. But what about us women who are married to someone with an addiction? We stand beside them and are always there for them? How can that be a blessing? This tears a marriage apart. Especially if they won’t stop. Where is the honor for me? I am dishonored as far as I am concerned. I pray constantly that there will be a change. Why should I be a helper for someone who refuses to help themselves?
Joseph St. Daniel
All you have described is the recipe for the need for a help meet. It is not the man that is nourishing your frustration and gradual hatred; news for you! You are.
Prayers from a hateful heart?
A man addicted is under the bondage of Satan. Asking the man to deliver himself is asking Satan what is taking you so long to finish his destruction so that I can move on to another of your victims.
What a helper does is take them that need help to the Lord Jesus Christ for deliverance. I don’t know how long it will take but this much I know: He SHALL BE DELIVERED.
I appreciate that there are women in this world and all they want to be is a mrs. There are children and households who need that. However, women are not ment to be put on this earth to be a “help meet” towards men. I help my boyfriend of 5 years (we live together) I meet many of his needs (dinner, sometimes clean the house, am there for him when he needs to talk.) but if you think that is all you think you are put on this earth for, look in the mirror. You are smart, kind, and important. And you amount more to just “second to man”. If you want to be more than a stepping stone, or more than a human who deserves more than an allowance, or more just a side thought, please become it. If you want to be more. You can be more.
The Hebrew word “ezer,” which English Bibles have poorly translated as “help meet,” is actually a very strong word. It’s used to refer to God as a “helper,” and also to military strength as a source of help. So the idea, so beloved among modern evangelical Christians, that the wife simply exists to support and “help” with whatever her husband decides to do, is false – unless we are also saying that God is a meek and quiet secretary and housekeeper to his people! A better translation for ezer is “powerful partner.”
The Bible is true, but it’s only true when it’s translated correctly, without human biases and preferences taking precedence over what God is actually saying.
Yes. I go into the term ezer kenegdo in a little more depth on this post:
We should never put the ideas or the commandments of man over those of God, I don’t think that’s where Carlie was going with this.