How to Get Past a Nasty Fight


We all have them–disagreements, fights, tiffs, arguments, quarrels, squabbles, disputes… Call them what you will, but we all seem to have them.

Michael and I didn’t really argue until our kids came along. Exhaustion and stress can do that to you. Sometimes a little sleep is the best solution for both of us, other times we need to sit down and calmly communicate our issues until we work out a solution.

The problem is that when you’re angry and hurt, it’s easier to argue than it is to be calm. It’s easier to stew in your anger than it is to let go.

Pride is destructive. It tells you how it’s more important to be right than it is to do right. It makes you feel little, while it tempts you to grasp a false sense of importance. It’s deceptive. It interfere’s with God’s word by twisting the truth into a lie. It beckons you to hold on to anger and hate. It rejects the mere thought of humility.

Here’s the thing about pride. It lurks in the shadows waiting and hoping that you’ll invite it back in. And when you do, it takes the wheel.

We all have a choice when we’re angry. It’s not always an easy choice, but we do have the ability to choose between pride and humility.

If you’re reading this and you don’t know how to let go of your anger; if you’re wondering how to get past a nasty fight, but you’re feeling hurt and confused; here are a five steps you can take to soften your heart and take back the wheel:

1. Reject the urge to get even. God sees and hears everything. He will punish, and He will reward.

2. Stop right where you are and pray. It’s almost impossible to stay angry at someone when you’re praying for them. Make this your first priority.

3. Stop keeping score. It really doesn’t matter who apologized last time, or who apologizes most of the time. Just because someone else isn’t courageous doesn’t mean you have to be weak.

4. Accept the fact that no one is perfect. You might feel like you’re better than someone else, but the fact is that we’re all sinners saved by grace.

5. Don’t mirror the bad behavior of others. Don’t be nasty because someone else is a jerk–that only brings you down to their level. Look to Christ for Your example, and follow His lead.

6. Before you try to be understood, make an effort to understand. Be humble enough to look at things from another perspective.

7. Exercise patience, humility, and grace. Like any other exercise, it isn’t easy. It requires effort, but it always improves your spiritual health.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

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  • Mieke

    Wow, what a timing! This is soooo usefull right now. I had this big fight with my husband this last weekend. I was so angry with him, normally I am calmer but now I was furious. I said really terrible things to hurt him. I Felt real bad afterwards. Of course we made up but it’s still in my head. This post was just the final push to let go!
    Thanks! Love, Mieke (from the Netherlands, Europe)

  • Vicki Schleifer

    Thanks for this, Darlene. It is good advice and not just for married couples , but for anyone. In this world, trouble comes, and the enemy loves to get God’s people at odds with each other. We forget that our battle is not against flesh and blood, (although it often plays out that way), but the real source is in the spirit realm, and we have been given authority by Jesus to be an overcomer. By seeking God first, and working things out His way instead of by our flesh, the outcome changes, and the enemy loses. Bless you.

  • Kim Sullivan

    This is so timely! I will definitely tuck this away in my heart and apply it to my marriage in the future, but I was trying to explain to my oldest son why it is important not to hold a grudge against his brother and I couldn’t quite find the words. You summed it up perfectly when talking about pride! I’m so grateful that God doesn’t hold grudges against us and give us the ability to not hold grudges against other! Thank you!

  • sharon alvarez

    Thank you Darlene. I needed to read this today. About 6 weeks ago my daughter was incarcerated for fraud. She received a 15 year sentence & my husband (who is not her father) are taking care of 1 of her son’s. He is 6 years old & we are 55 years of age. Plus we have a son together who is in his final year of high school. This has been an incredibly tough time for us all. I do believe that God has His reasons for this but still incredibly hard. On Friday 21 August, it was my hubby’s birthday & had received a letter from my daughter that had upset me terribly & on our way out to dinner, we had the most terrible fight. My fault totally as I wasn’t feeling the love right then. It was all about my feelings of frustration & pain. It didn’t make for a good evening to celebrate his birthday & felt absolutely dreadful. Even though I apologised, I still felt awful. Thank you for these guidelines even though I know that it is what I should be doing, its good to have them confirmed through someone else’s Godly insight. As I always say, when someone is nasty to you, 99% of the time its not about you, but how they feel about themselves. Have a blessed day. Warm Regards Sharon, SOUTH AFRICA

  • N

    REALLY good word…unfortunately my husband has allowed pride to over take him..and has left church and the family…not big fight…just over time…apparently fed anger, pride, bitterness and resentment..we are praying for restoration of him and our family…I walk in forgiveness…on most days…and trust in God..

    • carly trahan

      Going through the same thing. my husband has filed for divorce. He has so much anger and bitterness. Praying for restoration in marriages in Jesus’ name!

  • L. MARAK

    I am in a very critical situation of my relationship and I need godly advices. Can you please give me your email address? I really need it

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