The other day I received a letter from a reader who wanted to know my thoughts. What if a husband doesn’t want his wife to go to church on Sunday, or what if he’s simply indecisive about finding a church?
It’s a good question, and one that women in unequal marriages might be forced to consider. Do you go against his will and attend church, or do you stay home?
My husband is a church-going believer, but I do have some thoughts on this issue…
If a husband is lollygogging on which church to go to, a woman can take the initiative in finding a good one and invite him to come along.
However, if he forbids her to go to church on Sunday, she has two choices:
1. She could win him over with her actions of humility and obedience.
2. She can go to church on Sunday and further fuel his anger.
We are instructed in scripture to fellowship with other believers:
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV
But the time table that we have isn’t necessarily the time table that God requires of us. There are always Bible studies and kids clubs during the weekdays. Even something as simple as having a few ladies over for Bible study and tea on a regular basis can be a good source of fellowship.
If we become rigid by insisting that we attend on Sundays we are missing the point of fellowship which is to sharpen and be sharpened by other believers. Let me add this, it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be done in secret. All I’m suggesting here is that when necessary we are willing to be flexible with our time.
If a husband forbids his wife to worship God, we are dealing with a different situation. The purpose of obeying our husbands is to illustrate the relationship between the church and Jesus Christ. It wouldn’t make any sense to obey a man who asks us to turn our back against God.
Ultimately we answer to God first, all else comes second. We can glean an example of this from scripture when in Acts chapter 5, Peter and the apostles were brought before the high priest:
And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. ~ Acts 5:27-29, KJV
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
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Usmar Padow says
Hi, I am just starting out in my spiritual search. I have been told by a christian friend that I should find a church, he told me to pray to God that I find a good church…. one of the main problems is that I used to belong to a Japanese cult(I quit about 5 years ago), and my wife thinks that church is the same as that cult…. so she does not want me to go… I can understand her not wanting to go through what she went though before. and I fear that if I go against her will it will hurt our marriage.
Another problem is that , you mention going to church on Sunday, and I am of Jewish descent, and I find it hard to believe that the day of worship has changed from the 7th day to Sunday… after all, this is supposed to be the day God rested from creating the world.
I will appreciate any advice.
Darlene Schacht says
The reason that Christians usually meet on the first day of the week is because many references in Acts talk about the early church meeting on the first day of the week. It’s likely due to the fact that Jesus ascended to heaven on the first day of the week (Acts 2:1) and and rose from the dead on the first day of the week,
Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils. – Mark 16:9
He is Lord of the Sabbath.
There is quite a bit of history to get into as to why they believe it was the first day of the week, and why the Sabbath is celebrated on Sunday now. If you Google, it, you’ll find a lot of interesting back story on that.
I also believe that whether you celebrate on Sunday or Saturday, we do so to honor Him. It’s more a matter of the heart at worship than it is a specific date on the calendar.
Romans 14:5-6
In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God.
(NLT)
I would agree with your friend. A good church is very important to your spiritual growth as it keeps you connected with believers. I understand your wife’s hesitation and my heart goes out to her. So please ensure that you find a congregation that is grounded in the Word. Something she’ll see as truth. Maybe your friend can help you decided.
Sarah Hickey says
Hi Darlene,
Thank you for your post. I’ve also read your book Women Living Well and have been very blessed by it. I’m young and am a new bride, just under two months now, to a loving and godly young man, however I’m very frustrated and concerned as I have a strong desire to find a church to be connected and accountable too, however he is very preoccupied with work and is not too concerned about finding a church as we have one family that we fellowship with nearly every Sunday. This was a concern that I expressed before we were married and we found a church of faithful believers but they live far away and I don’t drive. I’ve asked if we can fellowship there but he is concerned about the distance and does not believe in the concept of joining a church and seems hesitant at that thought, whereas I greatly desire to join a church and have support, accountability and a spiritual family to grow with, especially as we plan a family of our own. I’m praying for God to change his heart, but I find myself to be very frustrated and worried and lonely. This has been an issue for years, but his opinion on church does not seem to be changing, and he doesn’t understand my concern or urgency. I also feel that if I were to just try and go myself that he would view it as being defiant. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and God bless.
Darlene Schacht says
My friend Courtney Joseph wrote Women Living Well. It’s a great book! I’ll tell her you enjoyed it. In fact I’m phoning her in the morning. 😉
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. That puts you in a tough spot. I would definitely consider finding something (if it’s a possibility) that’s close enough to walk to. Another idea is that sometimes Sunday school busses pick people up. I did that when my kids were little and my husband had to work weekends for a while. It was temporary, but at least I was able to go.
I pray that you find a resolution. Keep praying and looking. God blesses us in the most unexpected ways!
Sally says
My difficulty is that my husband IS a believer, he has very narrow and strict views about what it means to follow Jesus. He believes that the organized church of today, that is, any church that has a paid pastor, is akin to the Pharisees of old. Jesus called people out of that religion to follow Him, and we are to follow Him and not get involved with a local fellowship with a paid pastor…they are not calling people out, but calling them in to be comfortable with the world system. This has caused great strife in our marriage. It can;t just be left that we do not agree on this; I haven’t defied him and gone to church, but I do not agree with his interpretation. To his mind that means I am not walking beside him as a helpmeet,, but he is dragging me along by my hair. I cannot just be a “yes man”, and say what he wants me to say. I do not bring it up all the time, I do not mope around, but it always comes up again from him, because if I do not agree with him I am not following Jesus with him. I am at a loss to know what to do. I pray for guidance and direction but nothing changes.
Temmy says
I became a believer recently…im married now and all i want is to be better in my religious work…now my husband doesnt want me to go to church..i feel depressed and sad….i feel im loosing my relationship with God…im so sad..