Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson from Club 31 Women
How can a man learn to love when he feels like a loser?
That’s what I heard my husband mutter to himself after we left their house. After we left the home of these dear friends who’d been struggling in their marriage.
But his sympathy somewhat surprised me. I suppose I’d taken the wife’s “side” as the husband had done a number of irritating and inconsiderate things. He was the one to blame as far as I was concerned.
So that seemed a strange question for my husband to ask and it made me pause.
A loser? The man we were talking about had a good job. A nice car. Three precious children. And an attractive, talented wife.
No, this guy was no loser.
Ahem…Honey? Help me understand here.
He explained. And it certainly gave me something to think about.
A man feels “successful” when he knows his woman is behind him – no matter what his other accomplishments may be. He needs to know that she believes in him. That she thinks he’s a terrific husband (not perfect – just terrific). A first-rate guy. And, if there are children, that he’s a fine dad too. That she thinks the world of him, even though he might mess up or make mistakes.
So then I stared at my own husband. I looked at him for a good, long time. Wondering.
Does my man feel successful?
Because I married a winner and I know it. To me it’s quite obvious and I’ve always figured he knew it too. He has many wonderful qualities that I love and appreciate about him. But surely he’s aware of all that….
Aren’t you, Honey?
A slight hesitation. One that shouldn’t have been there. One that made my heart drop for a minute. It seemed that I hadn’t quite convinced him yet. Well, that needed to change.
So after some consideration, I came up with this Winning Strategy. Wanna hear it?
Each day tell him something you admire about him. How hard he works at his job. The good example he is to the kids. How strong he is. Good-looking. Fixes things. Kind….
But you’ll have your own Winning List.
Tell him and tell others too. Leave no doubt that you think this guy is the greatest. But especially if you have children. “You know that dad of yours? You’re blessed to have a man like that for your dad. Your mama loves him like crazy.” He’s our real hero.
Both say it and show it. Let him see the admiration in your eyes. Let him feel your approval and hear your applause. Convince him you’re his biggest fan. Cheer for him all the way.
So that’s about it. Doesn’t really take all that much to shower your husband with success. Just celebrate his strengths and he’ll be all the better man for it.
I’m sure hoping there’ll be no more hesitation around here. Not if I have my way.
Because, Babe, you’re the champion of my heart. A true winner. And I thank God for you.
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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