And a Titus 2sday link up!! {below}
Dear Darlene,
I found your blog through Courtney at Women Living Well. I read the Bride in Training post and loved what you advised. I am a bride in training who is wanting to learn how to be a godly wife for my future husband. I’ve been learning submission, trust, obedience, and letting God love me and fill me so I can then serve my future husband instead of making him meet all my needs. I’m learning a lot.
I do not have examples of other women in my life and when I found you and Courtney I was so excited!!! The Holy Spirit has been teaching me all things and I am so glad He is. I am also praying that God would send me the real deal–genuine godly women in my life. I just turned 22 and would love to see godly women in action.
I have a lot of questions about marriage!! I have one that kinda concerned me… here it goes…
It’s an intimate question. I was told by a woman that wearing lingerie or something sexy for your husband is a sin because we are not to seduce our husbands. I know our culture surrounds us with what sexy and beautiful is, and I believe it’s just a tool the enemy has used.
The man that God has given me is a man that loves holiness and purity and loves God more than he loves me. He is a man of strength and gentleness and forgiveness. He constantly hides himself in God and when he sins, quickly repents. I can boldly say that he is the kind of man that takes every thought captive, who is fiercely faithful and loyal to me. He loves God’s presence and word. I know that he is a good man and is not moved by the false passions of this world. I know he finds his strength and joy from God but am also aware of the enemies schemes and after all he is human.
So my question is, if I were to use something sexy for him in marriage would that be a sin and leading him away from God? I’m sorry if the question is dumb, I want to honor God but I also want to please and bring delight to my future husband, in turn honoring God. I have no one to ask and I certainly don’t want to ask my future husband, to maintain myself and himself pure and to not fall into a trap.
What are your thoughts?
Bride in Training
Dear Bride in Training,
My first thoughts would be this, if the world is enticing your husband day after day, then you need to supply that need in the bedroom or someone else will.
However—and make that a big “however”–I’ve decided to turn to my husband for his thoughts on this, because your fiancé sounds so much like Michael in many ways.
Michael is a godly man whose sole purpose in life is serving God. In fact he wakes an hour earlier every day (5 am) just so he can spend that time with God. Serving God is his focus, and seeing women on billboards or at the office dressed in low cut lingerie doesn’t entice him–it annoys him, and reminds him of how corrupt our world has become. When he comes home he desires to see something different—a wife who glorifies God. He wants sex to be a beautiful experience that expresses our love, not one’s release of pent-up lust from a long days work with enticing women.
Do I think that sexy lingerie in the bedroom between a husband and wife is wrong? Absolutely not. If it appeals to you both and you are comfortable with it, then by all means wear it to please your husband.
My point is this, don’t measure your standard by the standard of the world, measure it against the relationship that you have, and what brings honor and respect to your marriage. Dressing in a provocative way might be confusing for both of you, so I’d start by wearing feminine night gowns that remind him you‘re a woman, then after time you will start to learn his preferences, and if you are comfortable–dress accordingly.
All men aren’t cut from the same cloth. A friend of mine didn’t sleep with her husband on their wedding night. Unheard of, I know. She was such a pure virgin that even taking that first step into a sexual relationship was overwhelming for her. Her husband loved her enough to wait, which really goes to show the depth of respect and admiration he has for his wife. To this day—as a mother of four–she remains a woman who reflects purity and innocence in all that she does. Rather than trying to fit into a mold that society offered them, they honored the bedroom as a sacred place where love comes first.
The biggest battle that we have is that we are constantly inundated by the world every day. We need not conform to their standards. We are conforming to Biblical standards. The Bible isn’t specific about this topic, but reminds us that conscience will be our guide.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters,
in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies
as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—
this is your true and proper worship.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what
God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
~ Romans 12:1-2
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
If you’d like to leave a comment, visit Time-Warp Wife on facebook:Click here
If you would like to have Time-Warp Wife delivered to your inbox daily, simply click here: Subscribe to Time-Warp Wife
We have been married now for 53 years. Obviously, we don’t look like we did when we first got married, but seeing my wife without any clothes on is still a wonderful experience! We love to hold each other in the dark and think back to those “younger” years. They are gone, but have been replaced by a different kind of love. We know we will soon have to part, but God has given us a beautiful life together and we treasure every day we still can hold each other, even without our clothes on. Maybe it was that way with Adam and Eve before they sinned.
Thanks for weighing in on this, Darlene. My wife of 45 years and I have decided to take a different approach. Since I struggle with lusts and passions, my wife and I have agreed to never see each other naked. During lovemaking, we wear our regular pajamas and are careful not to incite lusts or passions in each other that we would have a difficult time controlling. My wife has never worn a sexy or skimpy outfit in her life. I give thanks to God for giving me this wonderful, selfless woman who only has my best intentions at heart and has willingly made sacrifices on my behalf as I strive to be a more Godly man in my daily walk with Christ.
Umm…ladies, what is the difference between walking into your bedroom in a sexy, lace nighty and walking into it totally naked? Both arouse a husband and that is not evil. You’re his wife! If you are hiding your body from your husband, there’s a problem. There are tasteful nighties and then….well, ones specifically designed to illicit lust. Use the mind God gave you. Sex is a beautiful expression of the love of the spouses. God instituted the sacrament of marriage and that, of course, includes (normal) sex. God did not institute a sacrament that includes something unclean or evil. One flesh… please put aside any notion that your husband seeing your nude body is evil. If one thinks this, the problem is likely with that person.
Wow , on this subject I have neve considered that it would be a sin or a problem to wear lingerie for my husband. He used to always buy it for me in our 20s those years were also my child bearing years … so I was often reluctant to wear it and acted self consious . Now were in our 30s and I am much more confident. I constantly see media tempting men with half dressed women and filling everyones heads with fantasies . I have been told by my male pastor that men are visual and are turned on by seeing the beauty of a woman. I never considered that it would be a sin for a man to be turned on by his own wife. I have always looked at it like I needed to give my husband something to fill his visual needs at home to help him from being tempted by media .I hope i havent been going about things the wrong way. I will definitley pray and evaluate things.
I think God gave sex to us as a gift to enjoy with our spouse who is also a gift from God. How can you enjoy sex if you are not turned on by your spouse?! As far as lingerie, I would agree that it’s up to you and your spouse. A husband and wife should only ever go as far as the most conservative spouse is comfortable.
Sorry ment to say, …should only go as far as the most conservative spouse is comfortable.
We as women are told to stay modest, not to incite lust, and to control our husband’s passions. The wearing of lingerie and/or skimpy clothing is sinking to a level of behavior we are to avoid!
I’ve noticed in the past few years a certain embracing of sexuality within the Christian community. Sex is part of life and marriage, but this type of encouragement and action (like dressing up in lingerie) merely incites inappropriate and unbiblical behavior. Just because you are alone with your husband does not mean anything goes. We are commanded to live our lives modestly…and lingerie obviously does not fit that bill.
I’m bawling my eyes out reading these comments! Who has bewitched you?! Impurity is not what you wear but what comes out of your heart!
God gave you a spouse to love sexually and passionately. God shows His overwhelming, all encompassing love for us by giving Himself over by dying for us. We show our spouse our overwhelming, all encompassing love for our spouse when we’re at our most vulnerable, giving ourselves over to the other during sex.
Do not remove a single Word from God – that includes the sensuous, passionate LUSTFUL sexuality between spouses found in Song of Solomon!
Modest means appropriate, not “covered up.” It’s not appropriate to hide your body from your spouse – you’re one flesh!
1 Timothy 4:3 “Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.” Paul was addressing the same anti-sex, anti-marriage, legalistic, SATANIC Gnosticism that we’re evidently still battling!
Rachel!!! Thank you SO much for this comment. I thought the article was really helpful, but then started getting really confused and downcast reading all the comments. I became a Christian this past February (my wonderful husband of 5 years was already a believer) and I’ve been really struggling with how this aspect of biblical marriage is supposed to work. We have issues with intimacy already, but things are improving as the Lord helps me to face and heal from the pain and damage of my past mistakes. Needless to say, I’m in a vulnerable place and so eager to learn right from wrong-so, thank you for your response. I can’t imagine ever having a healthy sex life with my husband if it meant having to hold back from him or hide myself; secrets and half-truths already injured our passion for each other and I can’t stand the thought of doing something similar again. Thank you for such a metered, reasonable, Scripture backed answer!!! 🙂
I totally agree Rachel. Some of these replies lean more to repressive behavior than behavior that is Christlike and sound.
Alright first of all. All these depends, if the husband and wife want to have sex and this is how they like it then I dont think its a sin because it is not different from being naked in both eyes. The bible says that they are one flesh so if the wife is shy to reveal her body then there’s a problem right there. Wearing lingering to get your husband turned on isn’t sin but if your trying to do it to another man then it is a big sin. Not all man is the same, they dont see get turned on by seeing half naked woman , maybe some do and some dont. My point is if you think that wearing lingering during sex to seduce your husband might be an evil sinful exercise and will make him love something like this and you’re afraid maybe it’s not gonna be you only. Well that’s a sin for overthinking that. Like I said not all Men are the same, some just like and love their wives that mostly they find anything sexy and lovely about their wives and not others. But afterall this should be agreed between husband and wife, they must both into it.