So I had this really hard day.
Or, to be more accurate, I had a really hard week.
And I was close to tears by late afternoon.
He asked me what was wrong and I’m sorry to say that I snapped at him.
Was it not obvious? Hello…? You’d only have to take one look at all the pressures I’d been under the last five days.
He stared at me and I felt a bit of guilt for the hurt I saw there. Taking it out on him. Undeserved.
But not feeling guilty enough to apologize. I was too wrapped up in my own struggles.
I figured it was about to get ugly and, frankly, I had asked for it with my snotty attitude.
Then I saw his countenance visibly change – from offended to compassioniate.
He didn’t exactly understand where I was coming from – but then again, he didn’t need to. What mattered was that I was in a bad place.
His eyes softened.
He reached out with a gentle touch.
Asked if I’d like to run into town with him. A mini-car date.
He also announced to the kids that Mommy was turning in early that night.
And then later on ran a hot bubble bath for me.
So, yes, I did end up crying that evening, but these were very different tears. They were the tears that come when someone shows kindness to you that you didn’t necessarily deserve.
My husband is the hero in this story. But you know what? I learned something afresh. I was reminded how small acts of kindness can become a big game-changer in your relationship.
Little Acts of Kindness
A loving look. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all. Just look at your spouse with loving eyes and communicate that you care and you’ll always be there.
A soft voice. It’s possible to completely turn around a situation by returning harsh or unjust words with a sweet response. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1).
An encouraging word. Often our meanest moments come from our own discouragement or feeling of defeat. Those are the times when we could most use a friend (or spouse!) to cheer us up with kind, uplifting words.
A gentle touch. Reaching for his hand, rubbing his knotted shoulders, a loving kiss – these small gestures can have a powerful effect on the one we love.
A thoughtful act. Going beyond the ordinary to do something special or meaningful to the other person when they are down, or “in a bad place”.
Who would have thought little things like this would have such an impact on your marriage? But yesterday’s kindness made the difference between a fight and a hug.
And that’s a big difference, wouldn’t you say?
It was a game-changer.
So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve recently renewed my commitment to offer small acts of kindness in my marriage.
Even in those times when he doesn’t necessarily deserve it.
Maybe even especially in those times.
Thanks, Babe, for changing up the game with your love and kindness.
In His grace,
Lisa Jacobson, Club31Women
*Check out our books: 100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson
I am almost always SO ENCOURAGED by your writing, Sis Lisa <3 Mostly, I'm encouraged by your marriage. I know it takes much effort and prayer, but I long for a marriage such as the one you have <3 God has blessed you!
What you wrote, with a bit of editing, can apply to big sister, younger brother/sister relationships as well!
Thank you so much for being transparent and encouraging! <3
I love your story and it is so true. Grace in action!
I have been the recipient of such sweet kindness that melts my hardened heart and soothes wounded emotions. Thank you for sharing with transparency and inspiration!
Love your posts! They remind me of the basics every day…they still apply to my marriage of 43 years to the most wonderful man…
I think we’re blessed to be married to the same sort of guy. My husband consistently shows Jesus-like love in turning the other cheek, returning kindness for, as you said it so well, snottiness on my part, and so much more. Through his example, he makes me want to love more — not just for him or for our relationship but to show that Jesus-like love to the world.
This is so true! My husband and I had been at odds for a very long time and then he finally told me he felt like I was his advisory, not his partner. WOW… that hit home. I deeply contemplated what he said and slowly began to change my responses, my actions. A smile, a hug, a tough of the hand…encouraging words. All have made such a huge difference. Thank you for this reminder that its the little things that can make such a significant difference.
You are so right! Thank you for the excellent advice. I think that deep down we know that when we are in a bad mood or having a difficult time, we expect everything to go south. When we have spoken unkindly to another we expect that conflict will follow, but at the time, it is often too much to deal with. When we are responded to with love and compassion instead, it breaks down walls and changes our heart. Thank you for sharing this wonderful reminder with us!
must have been something in the air last week because i had the same type of week! we are lucky to have partners who can give us that compassion and a great reminder to do the same! thanks for your easy list to help remind us what to do!