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How to Make Time For Your Spouse

 How to Make Time for Your Spouse
It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up – painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.- C.S. Lewis

Today I’d like to go back to the place where it began for each one of us. The days before “we” when it was just “you and he.” Back to the foundation of friendship where a seed of romance was planted and watered until it took root.

Remember those days?

What was it like to be new-found friends? How was life different?

Michael and I were friends for several months before we dated. Not your regular run of the mill friendship, where we met for coffee every other week–no, like most young couples, we were inseparable buddies. We spent hours on end talking on the phone about the music we enjoyed, the movies that made us cry, friends from the past… and more than anything else–we laughed.

We went for picnics, attended church, and spent time at the park. Taking long walks I’d feel the brush of his hand against mine wondering when and if they’d ever connect.

Like any new and exciting friendship I was sincerely interested in knowing what he was about, so I asked questions and listened intently to every word that he spoke and every story he told. There was no doubt in my mind that this man was my very best friend. We made every effort to spend time together.

Fast forward about 15 years… Michael and I were struggling with the day to day details of starting a new business. We were dealing with the loss of five babies to miscarriage, and had started raising a family. Michael was working long hours and I was busy at home taking care of the babies.

Unfortunately, like many couples who are busy being Mom and Dad, our friendship was swept to the side for a time. Thankfully we’ve made an effort to pull friendship back to the forefront of our relationship.

If you’re wondering what that looks like, it’s a matter of carving out time to spend in each other’s company, and enjoying the time that you have.

Alone time? That’s good, but not always practical when you have a house full of kids. Spending time with your husband might be putting a puzzle together on the kitchen table, watching a Lord of the Rings Marathon (which I recently did), or enjoying a picnic with your kids at the park.

As much as I want to suggest “date nights” to you, I’m going to veer in a slightly different direction today by sharing two romantic little nuggets with you:

My parents were married for 60 years, and I don’t ever remember them going out on a “date.” It just wasn’t their thing. They had a big family and they were careful about the way that they spent their money.

But here’s what I did notice about them… aside from watching TV and gardening together, they spent time laughing together. Looking back at it now, the one thing that I loved most about spending time at the cabin was the fact that the walls were thin and I could hear my parents chatting and laughing in bed. They would giggle and talk for a good half hour before falling asleep.

Then this afternoon I had lunch with a couple that’s been happily married for over 30 years. Do you want to know how they spend their evenings together? He reads classic novels to her while she works in the kitchen.

I asked, “How many has he read to you? She said, “Hmm… let me think… how long have we been married?” (My heart just about melted when I heard that one!)

Date nights don’t get much better than that, do they? The bottom line is that friends don’t only enjoy each others company, they make an effort to do so.

“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.” ~ Proverbs 5:18

This is an excerpt from The Ultimate Marriage Vow: 21 Days of a Life-Long Commitment.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
Time-Warp Wife

 

The Ultimate Marriage Vow is only $2.99 on Kindle!

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10 Comments

  • Lynda W

    Thank you so much for this article, and for not suggesting that “date nights” are the be-all end-all answer to closeness in marriage. I know that for some couples that is a good way to stay connected, but I honestly think that the most important thing is to spend time together in some way that works for the two of you. My husband and I enjoy doing jobs around our place together. It feels so good to accomplish some project as a team. And I also love when he makes me laugh! That’s one of my favourite things about him.

    I enjoy your articles. They are very real and realistic. Thank you for sharing!

  • Linda Ammons

    I had to laugh when I read this. For 3 years our anniversary was spent at a lord of the Rings movie. A few weeks ago I proposed a marathon on a long weekend. Richard’s response was “what woman does that? You r the best wife ever”
    On a serious note, during the days when he was pursuing another woman, laughter and I love yous were the first things to leave. I remember writing about how much I missed that. Looking at pics from that time I see how unhappy he was. He didn’t want to be laughing and loving me. I was smiling and happy. I had no clue.
    Since the beginning of our restoration it is the laughter has returned and we dead being apart. He is making time for me again and I love that. And yes before you ask, we are hitting the new hobbit movie for our anniversary this year.

      • Rhonda

        any encouragement on him saying one thing and then not following through? i have tried to explain how that makes me feel but to no avail. i usually get the “so do you want me to stop saying anything” speech. some days it’s tougher than others to hide the disappointment.

  • Sabra Penley

    Hi, Darlene. Love this post. My husband and I have been married 36 years. And we would rather be with each other than anyone else. We don’t have regular date nights, but we do have regular together time–every day. My favorite part of the day is early in the morning. I get up before my husband and when it is time for him to get up, I’m his personal alarm clock. I crawl back in bed and snuggle with him. Then we say a quick “Good morning, Lord” prayer to get our day started off right. He’s told me it is his favorite part of the day as well. The little things can have a huge impact. Thanks for your ministry to all of us wives. You’re a blessing.

  • jenah

    This post is a really relevant one to me right now. My husband is a retired Marine/disabled Vet. He has PTSD, and is not the same man I fell in love with and married. We have been married 19 years, and have 2 beautiful girls. We were recently separated for almost 3 months, so we are really trying to make things more like they used to be. This post reminds me of how we used to laugh. That’s a hard thing these days. We are doing pretty well. I did the 31 days of praying, and continue to read your posts and pray. Thank you for the inspiration!

  • janeen

    Im so glad I found this. Ive read a lot of articles that say, the secret to a happy marriage is date night, this has always frustrated me. My husband and I have very little help aside from my sister so our date night are very few. This shows you can still “date” without going out. Thank You!!

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