Upcoming Study – The Book of Ruth
Before we get into today’s post, I just wanted to remind you that our Bible Study on the book of Ruth is coming soon! We’ll be starting our four-week series on October 1st, and it’s going to be an amazing four weeks!
If you were planning on ordering the Bible study booklet, I encourage you to that today since we only have about 10 days left until we start the study. Amazon was out of stock for a couple of weeks (bad timing, argh!) but they have restocked the shelves. And… for some weird reason, they have put up a terrible sideways photo of the book. Life is silly some days isn’t it? 😉 Click here to go to Amazon.
Pursuing Your Husband (even with kids in the house)
Guest Contributor, Ruth Schwenk, The Better Mom
Nineteen years ago my husband chose to begin pursuing me with a prank phone call. It’s not how a couple usually meets, but it’s how we met. We were both college students at the Moody Bible Institute, living in one of the greatest cities in the world, Chicago, and here we sat in our dorm rooms! I didn’t know him, and he really didn’t know me. But I was in an English class with his roommate, which is how I got on the “call list” that evening. Much to their surprise *ahem, I did not fall for their prank, but I soon would fall in love with the man behind the prank phone call.
A prank phone call led to a double date, which led to a single date, which eventually led to a lot more dates, and then marriage. Today he is a pastor (no longer making prank phone calls :)) and I am his wife. God has graciously given us almost eighteen years of marriage, four beautiful children, and just over fifteen years of fruitful ministry.
As I think back to our dating and engagement days at Moody, I often laugh at the ways we pursued one another in love. Pursuing one another came easy. There were spontaneous calls, silly notes, impromptu walks, and no shortage of talking. He pursued me and I pursued him. This is true in the beginning of almost every relationship. But as a relationship progresses and time goes by, so does the temptation to stop pursuing your spouse.
Life sets in and changes. Kids come along. Things begin to become routine and mundane. There is an assumption that “he is mine,” therefore, I don’t need to try to catch him or keep him anymore. Nothing can be more destructive to a healthy and intimate relationship than one spouse failing to pursue the other. I want to be a wife who keeps pursuing my husband, not because I fear losing him, but because I still deeply desire him and love him. I don’t want him to doubt that.
As I have thought about the art of pursuit in marriage and keeping your love alive once kids come along, I think there are two primary and simple ways that any wife needs to pursue her husband. I know there are a million and one things to do and to remember. I know there are children vying for your attention. But these are simple. We CAN love our spouse with kids in the house. Here is how:
1. Affirmation – Tell your husband you love him, tell him he looks nice, tell him he’s a good dad, tell him you appreciate his hard work, tell him he’s a hunk! Make affirming him a primary way you pursue him. It is a lie and a myth that men don’t care about feelings or emotions. They want to know you still have feelings and emotions for them! Affirming your husband is a simple way to show him your love for him and to pursue him.
2. Affection – Your husband wants to know he is desired. It’s not true that all he cares about is s*x. He certainly cares about it, but he also wants to be wanted. Be a wife who initiates physical contact. I am aware that there are many women who complain about their “duty”. God didn’t intend for s*x to be a duty. He intended for it to be beautiful. Don’t just react to his affection, be proactive and pursue him. He will be delighted by your desire for him!
The Better Mom
Ruth’s book, For Better or For Kids (affil link) offers hope to the couple who promised from the start to be a team, but is feeling worn out, over-extended, and neglected. Throughout the pages couples learn how to fan the flames of intimacy, build a God-centered marriage instead of a Child-centered or Me-centered marriage, explore practical ways to parent together as one team, avoid the dangers of spouse-neglect and self-neglect, effectively communicate in the chaos, and so much more. Ruth and her husband Pat want to tell you about their marriage and their family and just their real everyday life —sometimes great, sometimes hard, sometimes hysterical— because they want you to know you are not alone.
Find out more about For Better or For Kids at Amazon.com
THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE
Don’t forget this weeks challenge…
Don’t let your marriage bed be the last thing on your mind. Instead, start the day with intimacy in mind. Make sure your commitments won’t interrupt this time with your spouse.
BIBLE READING FOR THE WEEK
Don’t forget to do your Bible reading this week. Here are a few of the passages I suggest:
R – Genesis 2, 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Samuel 1
E – Expand on questions you might have as you’re reading (dig deep and take notes).
A – Ask yourself how you can apply this scripture to your marriage.
D – Decide if there are any changes you need to make or actions you need to take.
The reasons I chose Genesis 2 and 1 Corinthians 7 for this week are likely quite obvious, but the other one might have you scratching your head. Here’s why I chose it. Hannah and Elkanah have a unique relationship, where each one is living to please the other and make sacrifices for their marriage. Their relationship is a beautiful illustration of love in action.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it, be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. – 1.Corinthians 7:4
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ruth is the wife of a pastor, who is her best friend and the love of her life. She is a blessed homeschooling mother to her four children, and she eagerly awaits meeting her five others in heaven. Ruth is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. She has a passion for following where God leads, sharing the love of God with each and every person that crosses her path, rescuing orphans, and inspiring others to create a God-honoring family.
She thoroughly enjoys warm spring breezes, blooming lilacs, a large lobster-butter-love coffee from RoosRoast, eye cream, gel polish, laughing (lots of it), venti black unsweetened iced tea, exclamation points!!, and snuggling up to for long chats with her family.
Ruth is the founder of The Better Mom, co-founder with her husband of For the Family and co-author of Hoodwinked: Ten Myths Moms Believe and Why We All Need to Knock It Off, Pressing Pause: 100 Quiet Moments for Moms to Meet With Jesus and with her husband, For Better or For Kids: A Vow to Love Your Spouse With Kids in the House.
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