“We need more spotters!” I called to the girls on my cheerleading squad. We were attempting to build a new mount, one where the girl on the top of the pyramid would be tossed into the air before being caught in the arms of two of her teammates standing on the ground. Before making that dismount, however, she had to successfully get to the top of the mount.
So I called for more spotters. A spotter is someone on the ground who stands ready, arms outstretched, to assist the gal on top should she start to wobble. If she does, the spotter reaches up and holds her ankles to steady her and keep her on course. The spotters on the ground are essential to the success of the mount. They can make or break the landing. They can prevent falls and ultimately injuries.
The sideline of a football game isn’t the only place where we need spotters. We need them in our lives as Christians as well. We must surround ourselves with those who will look out for our good, with arms outstretched, ready to steady us should we begin to falter.
Sadly, over the twenty-seven years we have been married, my husband and I have witnessed the failure of half a dozen marriages of friends, fellow church members and even some in our extended family. Looking back, there were warning signs that some of these people were beginning to wobble; to flirt with the world and to invite trouble, and ultimately infidelity, into their lives. This left us pondering the question, “Could we have done something to help?” We also contemplate, “What can we do as a couple to prevent something like this from happening in our own marriage?”
In my happily-ever-after way of thinking, I used to surmise that Christians never had affairs or divorced. Unfortunately, we have discovered that there are genuine, godly believers who are victims of divorce. They meant their marriage vows and intended to keep them “til death” but were joined to a partner that decided to forsake their vows. Sometimes their spouse’s double life was discovered. Maybe abuse was part of the picture, leaving them with no other option than to leave.
While this has sometimes been the case, more often that not what we have witnessed is this: middle age marriages where one partner lets down their guard and allows a casual acquaintance to crescendo into a full blown affair. Many of these marriages were ones that we thought were going along quite nicely. Happy kids. Beautiful home. Positions on the PTO or church board. Why three of them were from our own marriage accountability group we led a few years ago! What on earth happened? In part…..
They had no spotters.
The unfaithful partners in each of these cases were islands unto themselves. Yes they attended church. They looked and acted like fine, faithful husbands or wives. But they made a chain of decisions unchallenged by others that landed them in the arms, and eventually the beds, of someone who was not their spouse. Then the horrible aftermath of the divorce took its devastating toll on those all around them.
While many say that divorce is only the business of the two parties involved, my husband and I look at it differently. We have told our kids that it is like the atomic bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima during WWII. While it was aimed only at the target in the crosshairs in the scope, lives for miles around were affected by its dropping. These affairs and resulting divorces have shattered the lives of their children and have saddened neighbors, extended families, and coworkers. And these splits have left other kids, watching from a distance, wondering if their own parents will call it quits too.
Looking back at a couple of these situations, my husband and I can remember times when we felt a check in our spirit about the behavior of some of these people. We were uncomfortable by the attention they gave to a member of the opposite sex or by their seemed obsession with someone in a committee situation. We even spotted a few out in public with someone who was not their spouse, but chose to say nothing. Looking back now, we wish we, In love, had risked the loss of friendship or the chance of being misunderstood. We lost these people as friends anyway when they decided to leave their families for someone else.
So what can we do? Can we prevent this from happening in the lives of others? Not always. However, we can take precautions to make sure that we have our own spotters in place.
I have a friend whom I will tell immediately if I am having any improper thoughts about another man. Maybe I enjoy the company or attention of a male just a little too much. Or it might be as seemingly innocent as my thinking, “Boy, I wish Todd was handy like so-and-so!” or “Joe Smith is such a good dad. And he never forgets his wife’s birthday.” Comparisons kill contentment. Comparing our spouses to others lets Satan have a foothold. Before too long, he has us in a no-holds-barred choke hold!
This accountability arrangement with my friend works both ways. In one instance, she admitted to me her improper thoughts about a man and her excitement about seeing him in a church committee situation. That was all it took to extinguish the flicker before it grew into a flame. After confessing her thought patterns to me, her feelings for him went away. Often secrecy breeds sin.
Little wrong choices also breed sin. In each of the heartbreaking situations we have witnessed, it was a series of little choices that led to the breakup of the marriage. In one instance, a wife chose to join a gym with a somewhat steamy reputation rather than to workout at a local hospital rehabilitation center that had exercise equipment and a professional atmosphere. Then she made the choice to talk frequently and flirtatiously with some married men at that gym. Next she chose to spend time alone with one man in particular. One time she allowed physical contact to occur. This led to an all out physical affair. Now two marriages are ending in divorce affecting eight innocent children!!! And all it took was a series of five bad choices in a row.
Our life itself is a series of choices and we are its sum. To insure that we make choices that are in keeping with God’s will, we all need a spotter or two. They can help keep our wobble from becoming an all out free fall.