I know that so many people keep asking and are wondering, “How are you doing?” So of course I always say I am fine. I started thinking, “How AM I doing?” I feel like I am in the clouds and I am looking down at my life. I feel like what we are going through is the worst thing any parent can ever go through. I can not imagine anything worse. But, then yesterday I spoke with a mom who has been down the road we are getting ready to go down. Her daughter earned her wings just a few years ago in 2007. Elisha was diagnosed when she was just 2 years old. She battled hard for 2.5 years before she went to heaven. Her mom said something to me that really changed my thoughts on this whole experience. She told me how thankful she was that her daughter wasn’t killed instantly in a car accident. Or that she wasn’t taken in her sleep unexpectantly. She was so thankful that she got to spend 2.5 years watching her daughter grow, sing praise songs to the Lord, dance, love her family, and be a light in this world. How blessed she felt to spend every waking hour with her daughter.
We are not promised a lifetime with our children. Sometimes our children do not even leave the womb to enter the world. Sometimes our children live beyond our days. Sometimes our child is taken in an accident. Sometimes a child becomes ill and is taken before we want them to go. We as believers know that the Lord holds our children in His hands. He alone is in control. He chooses our days. And ALL for His glory. I have already had 2 years, 0 months, and 8 days with Micah which is more than lots of mothers get with their children. If I get 70, or 50, or 20 more years with him I will be sooooo grateful. But, if I only get one or two more shouldn’t I still be grateful? I will be. Everyday I will cherish.
Some days I don’t want to think about it or talk about it. Somedays I want to pretend like life is okay. Somedays I think about my life the last year and I can’t even believe what we have done and been through. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Sometimes all I can do is kneel at the throne and cry out to my Father; actually a lot of times. Sometimes all I want to do is hold Micah in my arms and freeze time. But, ultimately my God is in control and I TRUST HIM! Ultimately He loves Micah so much more than I can even comprehend. There is great comfort in knowing my Great God. I pray others will find comfort in Him too.
So that’s how I’m doing. I have a great Savior. I have a great family. Praise the Father!
Find more information about Micah at CaringBridge.org
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