The One Thing We Need More Of

The one thing we need more of

Oops.  I did it again.

Nagged. Corrected. Rolled my eyes. Sighed.

When will I ever learn?

We love to do what we’ve been equipped to do. Traveling around the United States with our kids and learning to trust in God’s provision has been exhilarating and exhausting at the same time.  But I won’t lie to you—it isn’t always been what we wish it would be.

It’s usually much harder.

Jay_busymomIt’s been a rough week on the road for me and my beloved.  And when I say “beloved,” I’m serious.  This man I married, he is the other half of me.  The best half.  He’s the keel that keeps me and all my crazy ideas in orbit around planet earth. Without him, I’d be orbiting some other planet, no doubt. He soothes my anxious heart. He’s patient. He’s kind. He’s rock-solid and steady. People like him.  And, he thinks I’m hot. Goodness knows that after seven children and stretch marks that take up most of my torso, I need his affirmation.

Yes, he drives me crazy.  In all the good ways, and some of the bad.

Here’s the thing: I’m a “shoot and ask questions later” kind of woman.  Jay waits.  I say what I’m thinking. Jay’s quiet until he knows what he wants to say. (I could learn from that.)  Something that the Lord has been teaching me this week is that I am prone to correcting my husband when I should be quiet.  There. I said it.  Sorry if you think less of me. (The line is forming to the left.)

Lately, I’ve heard that “still small voice” a little bit louder. God is reminding me to affirm my husband. To love him. To let him lead. (Tough for a woman like me.) This morning, I had to chuckle as I was reading my Bible.  It was so funny in fact, that I snapped a picture of it.

Okay, okay. I get it.  But what really stood out to me was that last part: “To restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

Boy, that’s the truth.  Husbands are not to “control” their wives. Wives are to be self-controled.

Godly wives are to be guided by the Holy Spirit. To love and respect their husbands.  Nagging is the opposite of respect, isn’t it?  Nagging says, “I don’t like the way you do this. Do it my way instead.” Nagging breeds resentment. I’ve been around nagging women.  Lord, help me to be more like you and less … like me.

Women, we need more of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Wonderful things happen when we allow Him to have His way. Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. It’s evidence that God is at work in my heart and that I’m listening.

If you’re struggling with self-control in this area, you’re not alone, believe me.  Let’s give it to the Lord and then wait in the practice of surrender to see what God will do. The obvious beneficiary of a wife who does not nag is her husband, but as I grow, I receive a blessing too.  The blessing that comes from learning when to speak and when to be quiet is more than a gift to my husband—it is a gift to all who would see us as well. Ultimately, it’s a gift for our children and grandchildren when we learn to be controlled not by men, but by God’s spirit.

Stay in His Word!



  • Mary @ The Encouraging Home

    Thank you, Heidi, for sharing and being honest. It is easy to think everyone has it so together and almost perfect. I struggle with this too with my precious husband, my best friend. We are constantly growing and learning!!

  • Kim Sullivan

    Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency in this post! This is an area that I deeply struggle with, so much so, that I hate to say my husband almost did not want to be married to me any more. I am the girl that God has to hit on the head with a 2×4 before “I get it.” And wow, that 2×4 arrived and ever since I have been on a mission to build my husband up and not tear him down. While I try every day, some days are better than others. But I can tell you what a tremendous difference this has made in our marriage! We not only like each other again, but I think we are falling in love all over again to. Pretty amazing after 20 years together…but why am I surprised. After all nothing is impossible with God!!

    • Angie

      “…a mission to build my husband up and not tear him down…” Yes. Thank you for phrasing it that way – I have been praying for patience in my marriage as well, but how much better to also work on building him up while we continue to build the marriage together! I am so glad I read your comment! God Bless!

  • K

    Although I love the things I get from the Time-Warp Wife, sometimes hearing tehse things are hard, as in OUR relationship, I am the “the keel that keeps me (HIM) and all my (HIS) crazy ideas in orbit around planet earth. Without him (ME), I’d (HE’D) be orbiting some other planet, no doubt ” My husband is a super-duper, visionary, love to dream kind of a guy, and it’s sooo hard to know when to listen and just allow him to follow through and lead, and when to gently ask the “and how would we go about that” questions that slowly have him realize that perhaps that idea is CRAZY. I try to be so gentle and not be the ball and chain, but rather the encourager, the helpmeet. After 19 years, it’s still hard and I get so weary. We just had baby #7 and I have been thrown into a massive tailspin that ended up with me saying’ OK, fine, put the kids in school if you think that’s best. Wow – that should have made life easier, right? so goes all the relatives and congregants thinking (hubby is a pastor to boot) Oh my – NOOO! Our house is falling apart as am I and then to try to have the energy to be that “even keel”, oh so respectfully…. we have openly talked about this and often he’ll say after that he was so glad that we talked through whatever idea it was and that he’s glad he didn’t actually do it, but boy was it fun to dream for a while. He LOVES to talk and dream and half-plan and it gets so exhausting to listen and figure out if this one is God’s leading and time for me to start planning and packing, or if it’s just the hubby talking away again. Because if it’s time to move again – it’s ME doing the details and all to make that particular vision happen smoothly for the children and all involved. Whew, that got longer than intended – but is there anyone else out there who also has to be the “keel” for their husband rather than the other way around? Sometimes I think I must be doing this wrong.

  • Robin

    Response to K. I’ve been married 26 years to my husband. I know exactly what you are talking about and it is exhausting. At times I feel more like his mother. But there are many times, where I can clearly see the man God created him to be and he is the spiritual leader of our home. A year and a half ago we found out he has the attention deficit hyper-active thing going-on. While that information is helpful and enlightening, I am also over-whelmed and asking myself, “So, what do I do now?” We are adults heading into our 60’s. I must remind myself constantly that our God is bigger than this temporary challenge. This post really addressed a struggle I face and one that I know the Holy Spirit has been walking with me these last couple of weeks.