Yeah, I’m going there this week. I haven’t really touched on this topic before and to be honest with you I normally prefer to leave it to the experts like Sheila (tolovehonorandvacuum.com). But sometimes we’re called out of our comfort zone that we might share every aspect of the gospel.
The truth is, I’m kind of glad that I did. After mulling this over for a week I realized that s*x is an important part of every marriage and it’s a topic that God wants us to address. After all, the Bible is rich when it comes to instruction on marriage, including s*xual relations between a husband and wife. The one that I often come back to is this:
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
When you think about it, there are all kinds of reasons that women withhold s*x or lose that loving feeling, and from some of the questions I’ve received I see it goes both ways.
Since I’m speaking to an audience that’s primarily women, let’s examine a few of the things that drain us of our libido:
1. Stress. Family and finances can stress people out. And unfortunately stress has a way of zapping the zip out of your drive.
2. Exhaustion. Young children can be exhausting. After a long day of taking care of the kids, breastfeeding a baby, and climbing over mountains of laundry there are days when a woman just wants to walk into her room and fall into bed–for some sleep. But the minute we walk into the bedroom we see the look in our husband’s eye that tells us we won’t be sleeping anytime soon.
3. Anger. I remember a friend of mine had a huge fight with her husband once. He was so mad that he threw the phone book into the wall. About fifteen minutes later he walked into the bedroom and asked, “So I guess we’re not doing it now, huh?” I had to laugh when she told me about that the next day, but the truth is that anger is a reality and it’s hard to get in the mood when tempers (and phone books) are flying.
4. Low Self Esteem. I picked up a book once because the cover read, “Not Tonight Honey, Wait til I’m a Size Six.” It made me giggle, because I’ve been there–felt that! Although my husband has been attracted to me regardless of what size I am or how bad my hair day might be, I don’t always feel the same. If I’m carrying a few extra pounds or a few extra zits I don’t feel anything close to s*xy. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s really hard to get in the mood when I’m not feeling s*xy.
I’ve listed just a few of the things that can dampen a s*x life, not to mention medication, menopause, and hormones. It’s really a wonder there’s any s*x in the world at all, isn’t it?! *wink*
But here’s the thing: God has a way of giving us just the right partner who learns to read our signals, knows what makes us tick, and provides what we need at just the right time. Doesn’t He?
I love that about my husband. After 24 years he’s learned to speak my language which might very well include the word “chocolate” around the 20th of the month. He knows when I’m exhausted, how I look when I have a killer headache, how to make me feel beautiful, and that a back rub goes a long way in relieving stress–he’s good! He also senses when I’m in the mood to snuggle, when I want him to sit close, or when I’m craving intimacy. I swear that man is a mind reader!
As much as I’m crazy about this man and love being intimate with him, I will tell you this: there are many days when I’m tired, when I’m stressed out, or when I’m not feeling like a rockstar, that I choose to put all that aside for my husband’s needs. Because I know that in order for our marriage to survive I must be willing to give sacrificially in every area of our life. That’s what love does, and that’s what he does for me.
As I examine myself I hope that I am meeting his expectations as well.–that I’m reading his signals and learning what makes him tick. That’s all a part of growing together as a couple, and it’s essential that we don’t ignore or abandon this area of our marriage.
Let’s bring it to prayer:
Father, my prayer today is that I am reading Michael’s signals as well as I should be. That I’m speaking his language and fulfilling the desires of his heart. If I’m lacking then I pray that the You will open my eyes to see what his needs are and how I might grow in this area. Knowing that every man is different, I want to be the kind of wife that is a perfect fit for him, Lord. Please transform me to the woman Michael needs. Amen
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