Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
~ Proverbs 4:23
I am coming to you with a question regarding teenage girls and how to prepare their hearts for “boyfriends” etc.
My daughter is 16. She’s never had a boyfriend (which as her mom I’m ok with ha), all of her friends have one, some even two, and talk about how cool it is to walk through school holding hands and texting, etc.
While the mom in me is okay with the fact that she’s not had that, the former teenage girl in me remembers that feeling of just wanting that cute boy to notice you, think you’re pretty and hold your hand.
She recently had a “date” but since then there has been very little contact with him, and I’m afraid her first “boyfriend” experience is over before it ever really got started. I’m concerned that she may retreat back into the shell that she has only recently stepped out of.
Is there any advice, insight that you might be willing to share to help in this area?
In His Love,
I want to focus on the topic of setting boundaries with your daughter. Obviously she’s thinking about dating and is dipping her toes into the water, so now is a good time to talk and to set guidelines for her.
Of course these boundaries must be ones that you and your husband are comfortable with. Don’t let her disappointment sway what you deem is best. Your boundaries are based on experience and wisdom, while hers are likely based on the popular opinion of her peers.
Sit down and set these specific boundaries with her. If teenagers don’t know where their boundaries are they might leave it up to guess work in the heat of passion. Not wise.
And while you’re having the “talk,” girls should be advised that boys get sexually aroused much easier than girls, so we need to protect them as well as protecting ourselves from temptation. Sounds like a “no-brainer,” but I didn’t know that when I was sixteen.
I can’t say that all 16-year-olds are too young to date, or that all of them are ready. Even looking at my own children, I see that some are mature beyond their years while others tend to follow the leader. Brendan was like a 40-year-old man at that age, and now he’s about 60. 😉
Dating is such a general term that can be defined as anything from driving in cars with boys to seeing a movie with a group from church. Boundaries are specific to each family, and they should be in place.
My husband and I attended a church where the youth pastor was dating the pastor’s daughter. In fact they were engaged to be married, and were both around 20-years-old. So we invited them over to our house for coffee one evening. We were very surprised when they declined saying that they weren’t allowed to be alone in a car together. We also found out that they held hands but kissing was reserved for marriage. Neither of them seemed to mind, because it was just the accepted norm for their family.
That’s where our conviction becomes an asset. But if we don’t believe what we believe and why we believe it, why should they?
You also mentioned your concern that she may retreat into her shell. I want to encourage you to relax. She has years ahead of her, and things will fall into place when she is ready to handle them.
Dating is laced with disappointments and broken hearts. We all went through it, and our kids have to go through it too.
We survived, right? They will survive too. God has unexpected ways of making things happen. Just lean on him with your baby–she’s in His capable hands.
There is so much more that I want to share on this topic, but I’ll save the rest for another post!
You are loved by an almighty God,
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