5 Habits of a Self-Controlled Wife

5 Habits of a Self-Controlled Wife

Today we’re onto chapter four in our book club for The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife: 18 Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth. Today’s chapter is on the virtue of self control. More info on the book club is found underneath the post. (View table of contents here.)

Today’s post is written by a guest contributor, Joan Greeb. Please check out her bio below and stop in at her blog.

Spring has sprung here in Wisconsin. The birds are singing, flowers are popping through the soil, and new growth is taking place. I pray that growth is happening slowly in your hearts, as well, through this study.

Today, we are considering the virtue of “self control.” In scripture, this means that “self” or “the flesh”, along with its thoughts, desires and impulses, is under control, not in control. The issue of “self control” is a real spiritual battle, but God’s Word promises that transformation can take place in a believer’s heart.

What are the qualities of a Self Controlled Wife?

First and foremost- “She is a woman who is down on her knees in prayer.” – Darlene Schacht

“The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Pet.4:7

Use your days wisely, pray often for opportunities to learn and be trained in “self control.” Before you emerge from your warm blankets each morning, I encourage you to pray and put on the full armor of God. The devil never runs out of schemes to use against your marriage. Ask God to overcome any communication challenges between you and your husband. Listen to him when he tells you about his day and his frustrations—he is giving you his prayer requests without realizing it.

Over the last 2 years, I have been asking the Lord to prepare David and me through His word for the unseen challenges that lie in our future, i.e. aging parents, teenage children, care-giving to the elderly in our extended family, death of loved ones, etc. I believe that God is answering that prayer as He gives opportunities to be in the training process now. Ladies, some of our future challenges will be difficult. “The Virtuous Life of a Christ Centered Wife” is a learning and training opportunity that God has provided for us now. The virtues that God trains into your character today will one day be exhibited to others as “the fruit of the Spirit”.

She is a woman who is alert, always aware of the enemy’s strategies…

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 1:5-8

Satan wants to pull us away from our faith. ~Darlene Schacht

“RESIST him, stand firm in the faith, “ 1 Peter 5:9a

Satan will not be concerned with the wife who is not actively pursuing Jesus. She is not covering her husband in prayer, nor is she being transformed through the renewing of her mind. She is not a clear and present danger in this spiritual battle. Oh, the war is still going on, but she is not submitting to the control of the Holy Spirit and depending on His power to be engaged in the resistance. Satan certainly doesn’t want her to exercise the virtue of “self-control” or “self under the control of the Holy Spirit” on a daily basis….that would be a game changer.

It takes strength to bring your flesh under subjection to your spirit. ~Darlene Schacht

And to my Sisters who are serious about running hard after Jesus;
You’re rising early to be in God’s Word daily,
You’re memorizing Scripture,
You’re no longer conforming to the pattern of this world……
You’re exercising and training in the virtues of kindness, diligence, and now self-control….daily!!

BE ON GUARD!! Watch for and expect to be under attack. God promises that Satan will flee from the wife who faithfully humbles herself and draws near to Him. Satan sees you are being transformed….. he does not like it one bit.
She is a woman who chooses to do what is good
The “self-controlled wife” chooses “good” by putting away sin daily, moment by moment.
Those who walk in the Spirit walk according to the wisdom that they’ve been given. In other words, they make a choice day after day to put away sin. –Darlene Schacht

You may be wondering….How can I “put away sin?” Here are five habits that you can put into practice:

  1. It starts with a decision.
    Identify your sin and confess it.
  2. Then it calls for action.
    Pray for “self/flesh” to come under control of the Spirit.
  3. Then walk in conviction daily.
  4. Exercise your mind through memorization—renewing the mind is the foundation of transformation. Rom12:2 Find scripture that addresses your area of weakness and memorize it. God’s Word is your most powerful weapon.
  5. Watch for transformation/growth.

If we’re only obeying God when it makes sense to us then we’re living to serve ourselves, not the Spirit. God’s law don’t always make sense to us, quite often they require us to step out of your comfort zone or to feel the sting of refinement. ~Darlene Schacht

Well, there is certainly a lot to consider in the area of “self-control.” Ponder it over the next several days and start exercising/training in this area. God’s continual blessing to you, as we journey together down this path to new growth.


Joan Greeb, is a home-schooling mom, who lives to serve the Lord, her husband, children, and others. Her desire is to encourage women of all ages, to walk on their God-given path guided by the Holy Spirit. Joan, with her husband David, own and operate a family business. They live on a small hobby farm near Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, with their four children, dog, and a flock of 110 chickens. She attends White Stone Community Church and takes joy in teaching women’s home-bible studies.

For more information on The Gathering or to contact Joan, she can be reached at: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Gathering/315118455213905?id=315118455213905&sk=info


Let’s discuss chapter 5 on Monday!

What are some of the thoughts that you have on chapter three? What are your thoughts on diligence? Please leave a comment below! (subscribers click through to the blog)

Find out more about the book here. Feel free to jump in to the book club with us at anytime. If we’re a few chapters ahead of you–that’s okay because you can get to those anytime.

Join The Virtuous Life Book Club on Facebook

Today’s Challenge:
Look for ways in your life to practice self control, even small ways. Make a decision to change a few things and stick with it.

If you are participating in this book club, and you have a post that you want to share, please link-up below. This is ONLY for those who are blogging about The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife. All others will be deleted.


  • Donna

    I have actually read to chapter 6 but I have slowed to match the speed of the group and I am happy I did because I am working on self control. I have very little self control and I have made my list and will work on them. I am loving this book.

  • Keri

    I’ve always heard, “If satan is fighting, you must be doing something right.” Ha! Maybe it fits here 🙂 He doesn’t fight for what he already has.

  • Adrienne

    When you quoted: “It takes strength to bring your flesh under subjection to your spirit, you said it all. Those who don’t want to submit to God’s word will use the excuse of great strength to do what you want. The reality is if it were easy, we wouldn’t be needing self control. It does take great strength not to eat the cake every day; not to yell at your children; not to let the house cleaning go; to take your vitamins each day; to pray etc. A strong woman/wife is one who exhibits self-control. I liked the post one woman did of the quote, (paraphrase) “The biggest accomplishment I did in a day is to shut my mouth”. I believe that is a strong woman. One who knows when to talk and when to not talk. One who knows when to eat certain foods and when not to. The list goes on. I am working on all the above. Thank you for sharing and reminding us. Keep moving forward no matter the obstacle.

  • Kara

    I lead a weekly women’s Bible study. We’re currently working through Ephesians 6. I plan on referring to this
    blog when we get together next. Thank you for the encouragement!

  • Angie

    Wow! This chapter really gave me a lot to think about. It really helped me see some areas of my life that need refined: getting up early to be in God’s word, exercising when I can’t find time, patiently helping my kids with homework when I would rather go to bed, spending time with my husband after an exhausting day,… The list is overwhelming. The first thing I plan to do is pray.

  • Olive sesay

    Hello am going through a very difficult situation in my marriage…my husband is so much involved in cheating that this thing now has a deep root in his life…He does attached emotionally to me anymore…we stay together for weeks without having any sex or closeness n I do believe that its because he is attached emotionally to a lady whose husband stays in d USA n she live her in sierra leone…she worked with my husband in d same office….am so so tired n almost want to quit…

  • Anonymous

    I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It’s so difficult. My husband also cheated. Check out Affair Recovery on line. You will find a lot of excellent advice. Good luck and God bless.

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