Submit to Your Own Husband as Unto the Lord

Drawn from the archives, Lisa Jacobson, Club31Women

A stranger. A complete stranger.

Who is this man? I wondered.

Where did he come from and what was he doing in my kitchen?

After so many months of blissful marriage, so many laughs and lovely moments, what had come over him?

For the first time I realized I was living with a perfect stranger.

The reality of my situation came when he sauntered into the kitchen announcing that he was flying down to California for his friend’s college graduation.

Just like that. No warning. No discussion. Simply a decision.

What?! No way!! What about ME? What made him think he could…well, up and leave me like that? Was I not his wife, after all?!

And I rattled off a multitude of reasons why such a trip was an extremely bad idea.

But he didn’t seem all that interested in hearing my view on the matter. It was quite settled in his mind and my strong objections were irrelevant to his way of thinking.

Maybe it was his dismissive approach to the discussion that set me off, but whatever it was – it threw me into a furious rage. A rage pointed directly and specifically at him.

Now it was his turn to stare at me with incredulity. He looked at me as if I’d completely lost my mind. Where was the sweet bride he had married? And what exactly did I mean that he “couldn’t” attend his friend’s graduation?!

Back and forth we went and so the quarrel carried on, neither of us willing to give up ground.

I accused. Occasionally shrieked. And I cried.

Yet he remained unmoved.

I hadn’t married a man – I’d married a brick wall.

There we were standing only a few feet apart in our tiny apartment kitchen (where we had spent so many happy hours together!) and I found myself looking into the face of a lover I didn’t even know.

Who was this man I had pledged my life to?

And then….more quietly, with panic.

Oh, Lord, what have I done??

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be! The man I married was to be tender, understanding, and put his wife’s needs first. And what I needed was for him to stay home with me – not attend some old college buddy’s graduation! (You are taking my side in this, aren’t you?)

What would my life look like…living with such a man as that?

While I was contemplating our dismal future together, the Stranger abruptly turned away and left the room.

Where was he going? Did this mean he was going to pack his things and leave me?? Was this his answer to our problem? With aching heart I watched him go, yet couldn’t bring myself to call him back.

He remained in our bedroom for an awfully long time. Finally, not able to stand the suspense anymore, I tiptoed over to the door and peeked in.

There was the most beautiful sight of my married life.

He wasn’t packing. No, he was kneeling by our bed – the same one we’d shared since our first wedding night – and pouring out our troubles before the Heavenly Father.

Oh. Now I really wept.

Everything in me melted at that very moment—all my anger, my fear, my willfulness. How could I’ve been so stupid? Why had I been such a stubborn, silly, self-willed girl?

It was a sobering revelation for a new bride. To think that I was willing to defy my husband and the Lord who put us together for the mere sake of getting my own way.

Can you guess why? Well, you’re right. It’s because I had more confidence in myself than in him. It’s because I’d rather fight for what I wanted than to give in to another. It’s because I’d rather push him away as a stranger than embrace him as my head.

How about you? Do you ever feel like you’re married to a strange man? Hesitant to place your entire future in his hands? I know (believe me, I know!) how hard it can be to just say, “Okay” and trust him with your heart. But great blessings come to a woman who can get to the place where she is willing to do that very thing – “to submit to your own husband, as to the Lord” (Eph.5:22). And a yielded heart makes you a forever beautiful bride.

So I pray you learn to walk in love with that Perfect Stranger of yours and in confidence in the Lord who joined you together. And would you pray the same for me?


Lisa Jacobson

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  • Lori Alexander

    So many women walk around angry and upset with their husbands all the time. It is unfortunate that someone isn’t telling them that this is ungodly behavior. What an amazing reaction your husband had to your disrespect. Oh, if only we would all take our concerns to the Lord instead of taking them out on our spouse.

  • Cindy

    Such a well written article. And I might add that even after 32 years of marriage coming under the headship of the one the Lord places over you can still be challenging. We still deal with changes that happen in our lives, and each still has ideas of how things should be. Yet I am encouraged looking back over how our lives have turned out. I am so blessed to be married to a man that is totally committed to the Lord.

  • Sara

    What if he doesn’t believe in Jesus the same way? What if his belief is all based on logic? What if he has a drinking problem and is in denial? What if he makes me feel guilty for seeing my family and always has excuses/reasons to not go out of town to visit them with me? What if I already left, and it’s up to him to come up here? What if he is not the spiritual leader of the family? I see a stranger that thinks I’ve lost my mind for putting Him ahead of everyone else… and for stepping out of denial and refusing to live the same life with broken promises and no healthy changes.

    And I have been praying for a long time about our marriage. I’m the only one willing to put in the effort to learn how to communicate better. To surround our family with other family members that truly know Jesus and how to love each other for simply who they are. I left six months ago, we’re not even legally separated. I don’t want a divorce. I want peace, I want to put Jesus first in our marriage, I want our child to grow up in a home not marred with alcoholism and anger that is stuffed inside instead of dealt with in a healthy manner. God has blessed me beyond belief since we moved. I keep telling my husband I have not left him for good. I moved to find a good job, just like he said I’d have to do in order for him to put the house on the market. Apparently to his surprise I did it. I keep having to remind him that I don’t want to give up on our marriage, but he seems to have already given up. I’m met with silence when I suggest marriage counseling and that I want him to stop drinking, however I tell him that I know I cannot force either one of these things.

  • Courtney

    Love this article. My husband Andrew and I have been married for about six weeks, and we want to have a very traditional marriage. During our pre-marital counseling, our Pastor asked me, with Andrew present, “Courtney, are you willing to follow Andrew’s lead and support his decisions, even if it’s something you may not agree with?” And I said yes, because according to my opinion and how I view the Scriptures, that’s what a true and Godly wife does – submits to her husband in everything. I view it as joyfully serving, and I’ve told Andrew I love doing things for him and serving him. I can only pray that I can keep this attitude for many many years, because my marriage brings me so much joy.

  • Patti

    Hi-I’ve been married for 42 years and only by the grace of the Lord and my husband towards me. Just today, I have opened up to what the Lord has been trying to speak to me concerning my husband as Head for so many years. I have been trying to hold onto my own life and be married, and it doesn’t work. God has given me such a panoramic vision of the supernatural marriage with an eternal perspective that I am just blown away by it. If wives could see what He has shown me, they would beg to yield to their husbands both happily and willingly. I am just beginning to apply what He has shown me and I have such peace in my heart. It’s as if things are settled now in me. Perhaps I am being led to write about this, but not before there is some time passed with me living it in my own marriage. Indicative of me even wanting to come to a website like this, shows already what God is doing in me. I told myself in the past (and now I see that it was an excuse as to why I wasn’t a yielded wife) that there were “called wives” and ones that weren’t, and I identified myself as one that wasn’t, giving excuse and freedom to do “what God had called me to,” which I thought was a much higher calling. Because of my pride and selfishness which infected all my thinking, my marriage has never been a peaceful and loving one. But, praise God, He has shown me the light, and I’m excited to imagine what my marriage will look like now and in the future. Wow!!!!!