The 1 Thing That Every Couple Must Face


Life is challenging.

Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not always easy. If it was easy, the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high as it is. Here’s a heartbreaking statistic:

“About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.” www.apa.org/topics/divorce

As I started to look at the many reasons that couples are choosing divorce, I saw a loss of hope, and fear of the future.

Can we get past this? 
Do we want to get past this? 
What will my life look like 10 years from now? 
Is there someone better for me?  
I’m tired of trying. I want to give up. 
I’m getting old, I don’t want to waste my future.
I wish I stayed single. 
I’ve lost all hope for this marriage.

I’m reminded of the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years. All of the grumbling and griping they did reminds me of the many complaints that I’ve had over the course of my marriage.

Remember how they wished they were back in Egypt? How many people wish they were single again? How quickly we forget how much that we longed for the married life.

Marriage is a journey. It’s not a destination. We’re on our way to much better things than this life has to offer, but we’re fighting a battle. 

Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief.” – Hebrews 4:11

We start here, today, by entering into His rest by grace through Jesus Christ, but there remains an eternal rest for all who believe on His name.

Too many give up because of the struggles they’re facing. Financial strain, a distant spouse, lack of romance, lust, boredom, loneliness, and pride are just a few of the giants looming before us.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we read about giants in scripture. Their presence and their demise is a reminder that God is mighty to save.

In Numbers chapter 13 we read about 12 men that Moses sent to spy on Canaan. After 40 days they returned.

10 of them were fearful. There were giants in the land. The city was fortified. They couldn’t see past the impossible situation before them.

But Caleb and Joshua had hope. They were ready and willing to fight for the land that God promised them. They knew that with God all things are possible. They knew that God is bigger than anything that stood before them. They knew that the battle belonged to the Lord.

The Israelites were fearful. They grumbled, and they mourned for those days back in Egypt. But Caleb and Joshua followed God wholeheartedly regardless of those things they had seen.

Marriage is a journey to a land flowing with milk and honey, where every couple is faced with a choice: will you give up and turn back, or will you stand up and face the giants before you?

Life is too short to give up and turn back. Press on in faith. The battle belongs to the Lord!

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

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  • Lou

    Dear Darlene,
    Tes paroles sont toujours juste, Merci de prendre le temps de me faire réaliser que ma vie de mère et épouse est merveilleuse. God bless you

  • Nicole H

    I can’t tell you how much these words mean to me this morning. Thank you for them and thank the Lord for using you in so many lives and marriages.

  • abi

    This was encouraging. We need to fight for our marriage. ..not physically but on our knees…this is what I have realized.

  • Denise

    This is the second time i have read about the battle not being mine but God’s today. Facing some pretty tough times in my marriage. Leaving it to God but it can be so difficult sometimes

  • sarah

    i so needed this right now, i have been feeling just those things you wrote about giving up. sometimes i want to run and never look back, i just keep telling myself that god put us together for a reason and i need to stay.
    please pray for us and our marriage, that we will grow closer to god and closer together as a couple. that we will open up to each other and truly show each other the love and affection that each other deserves, thank you so much for all you inspiring post i look forward to them every day. they have helped me to keep my hope alive that we will get through these rough times in our marriage, and grow stronger and closer as a couple through god.

  • Don

    Great analogy between the giants lurking in Canaan and the obstacles we face in marriage. The 10 spies forgot the principle of faith. We New Testament believers have advantages the Israelites didn’t have; a revealed and resurrected Messiah, the indwelling Holy Spirit, the completed Scriptures and the Local Church. Still the divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high. The answer today is the same as it was for the 12 spies and Israel…just BELIEVE God!!….”the just shall live by faith”…”We walk by faith and not by sight”….”without faith it is impossible to please Him”, etc., etc., The only reasons my wife and I are still together after 41 years is, God’s GRACE and our GRIT in holding on to the person and promises of God, the same reasons Paul gave for the privilege of being an Apostle of Jesus Christ….I Cor. 15:10…”By the GRACE of God, I am what I am…but I LABORED (Grit) more abundantly than they all”…. Christian marriages don’t make it because they aren’t grateful for the God’s grace in the gift of their spouse, and they don’t have the grit to labor/work hard on their marriage. “Faith without works is dead”, and if you don’t work at your marriage, your marriage won’t work!! Didn’t plan on sharing the short sermon in this note, but thanks for the great article!

  • Jenny

    I’m just wondering if the lesson changes when you aren’t married to the person you’re in this rough patch with? I feel all these questions regarding my boyfriend. Is it something I need to power through and overcome? Or since we haven’t made a marriage commitment sould I cut my losses and chalk it up to a poor match? I also feel we will keep fighting the same battles because he is a shallow Christian. Believes, but doesn’t walk with Jesus daily.

    • Darlene Schacht

      Jenny, it definitely wouldn’t apply to a dating relationship. If you are a strong believer, then your ultimate goal in marriage should be to glorify God through your marriage alongside your spouse. You husband (whoever that might be) should be the spiritual leader in your family.

  • Elizabeth Shayne

    I’m enduring the biggest spiritual battle I’ve ever faced. God must have great plans for my husband, because satan is doing everything he can to keep him and destroy our marriage. I refuse to give up on him or on our marriage, even though he has tried everything, to the point of trying to have me jailed, to make me let him go. I listen to the song “Same Power” every day…I will not be overtaken, I will not be overcome. Thank you for your website and wisdom. Please pray for my husband’s salvation, his safety as he’s surrounded by evil people, and the restoration of our marriage. Thanks.

  • Glory

    Good Morning Darent,
    Thanks for this article, very encouraging. My question now is; would you still have the above view in a domestic violence situation? Many women have died in the hands of their husband’s as a result.
    I’m really interested to know what you think.


    • Stacey

      The last person you want to be contacting is your pastor. You should be calling an attorney, documenting, calling the police, and getting a good counselor to help you get through this. This is not an easy road, as I have traveled it myself. Safety first, and a pastor is not in the position to provide that.

  • Darlene Schacht

    Glory, I believe that loving a person doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t draw boundaries. Sometimes we should or must remove ourselves from a situation to stay safe and keep our children safe. If anyone is at all concerned about abuse, they should tell someone immediately. A good place to start is by telling a pastor. One could also call Focus on the Family’s help line.


    • Darlene Schacht

      We can’t force anyone to do anything that they don’t want to do. All we can do is work on our own lives and patiently support our spouse in prayer as God completes a work in them.

  • Christian

    Thank you for the article. Reliving my soon to be ex wife telling me she just gave up on our marriage saddens me daily..I want to fight the Giants, and I pray that God will restore us if I stand. How can I continue to hope that 12 years of marriage won’t end and I will lose my one true love?