Guest Blogger,  Marriage

The Most Loving Thing I’ve Done For Our Marriage

I’d like to think that there’s been a whole lot of loving done over the years.
I mean, so much can happen in over 20 years of marriage, right? Good times. Hard times. Big sacrifices. Small ones. I’ve loved him through it all.
But what would be the most loving thing?
Would it be that gorgeous September morning when I vowed to love him “until death do us part”? Loving him.
Or maybe when I gave birth to our first child? The pain. The joy. Loving him.
Or maybe the 5th child….or the 8th? Loving him.
When I followed him across the country…and then back again? Loving him.
Or perhaps when I wept and prayed over him as I watched his vital signs drop in that cold hospital room. Oh, please God….desperately loving him.
Yes, lots of loving over the years. But the most loving thing…? I’ve thought long and hard over this question.
The most loving thing I’ve done as his wife is to seek Christ. That really would have to be it. Nothing has made a bigger difference in our relationship than my walk with God.
I don’t think I realized it at the time, when I first married him. You see, I was still young and something of a hopeful romantic. We had each other and that was what mostly mattered—him, me, and love. I just knew it was going to be beautiful.
And it has been beautiful.
But there were some things I didn’t anticipate we’d go through together.
I didn’t know then that there would be so many challenges. That we’d walk through grief, frustration, disappointment, and times when I could hardly see straight.
There was so much I didn’t know….
Oh, and not only things about him and our life together, but about myself. I didn’t understand what kind of person I really was. I was determined to be the best wife I could be, but it was more difficult than I’d counted on.
I discovered I was more selfish than I thought. More stubborn. More moody and more self-serving.
I found that my determination to be the “most loving wife” wasn’t enough.  I needed Christ.  I needed to seek God with all my heart. I needed to let Him work in me and change me. I needed to trust Him with our marriage.
So if you want to love your spouse? The most loving thing you can do is to love your God.

But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deut. 4:29)

Spend time in His Word. Soak it up and listen to what He is saying to you as you read through it.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Ps. 119:105)

Go to Him in prayer. Thanking God and praising Him. Ask Him to do a work in you and in your marriage.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Phil. 4:6).

Walk in the Spirit. And not your own strength. Be filled with the Spirit of God.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16)

If you ever find yourself wondering what you can do to love your Beloved better? To improve your marriage?
Then I’d tell you this: spend time with your God. Seek Him. Walk with Him. Love Him.
It’s the most loving thing you can do for your marriage.

In His grace,


Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew L. Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.

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  • Becky Bodnarchuk

    thanks Lisa. This title grabbed me because we are in a difficult season-again:) in our nearly 30 year marriage. I was a naïve romantic 20something when I married my Dearheart. He loaned me his grandfather’s cross til we could go together to pick out rings. I picked this pretty set that looked like a flower ‘because I hope our love will always be new, like springtime’. I forgot about spring showers!
    More like perfect monsoons than morning mistings:)
    I KNOW now, that Poppa put us together, not a some cruel joke-we are so so different in some ways but soo alike in the worst ways too-selfish, self centered, to name just two. No, G-d put us together with a plan to use our strengths and our weaknesses to glorify Himself. Lord knows He is the ONLY reason we have lasted this long.

  • Paula

    Becky, I too have been married nearly 30 years. I can feel your pain – I think you were right when you said that The Lord is the only reason you have lasted that long. I think that the Lord is the answer just like this article suggests. He helps and heals us and our marriage as we turn to him. Does not make it super easy but it is amazing the things you can get through with His help. God bless you.

  • Wanda Davis

    It wasnt all gifts. Loving him standing by his side thur his surgries and we spent time together. Prayed for his salvation ten years later he accepted Christ in to his heart. All the gifts in the world dont compare to a committment you make after you say your vows. He passed away April 8 with a massive heart at 58 yrs old . We were married 37 yrs. Sis Wanda

  • Julie Ann Filter

    I adore this post. It will be five years ago this Thanksgiving that my husband and I went through our darkest season in our marriage. Thankfully, though, the Lord had seen fit to draw me deeply into Him for over two years prior so that when the darkness came I could see His light at the end of the tunnel. I do not regret the difficulties and trials of our marriage, though, because they have brought up to where we are today, and I would not change that for the world! It is only because of my faith and trust in the Lord that we made it through that time, because my own human flesh could never have done it alone. The Lord is faithful to complete what He starts, and the knowledge of that scripture and the trust in its truth is what allowed me to forgive, my husband to move past his own struggles, and for us to grow together as a couple more than we ever could have before. And, that obedience in the Lord has brought amazing blessing to our lives that we could have never before accepted. The Lord is so good. Thanks for posting!

  • Jennifer

    Thank you for this post, and your encouraging insight. I have been married for just over a year now, and for what seems like the millionth time, today I have found myself again pleading with God to save my marriage. Selfishness, and stubbornness are only a few of the words we have thrown at each other in the past year. It seems too often we are on the brink of calling it quits. I want nothing more in this world for our marriage to work. I appreciate reading from those of you who have been married 20-30 years and have gone through similar struggles and hearing that with Gods help there is hope, forgiveness, and love still to be had. Thank You!