Almost seventeen years ago my husband chose to begin pursuing me with a prank phone call. It’s not how a couple usually meets, but it’s how we met. We were both college students at the Moody Bible Institute, living in one of the greatest cities in the world, Chicago, and here we sat in our dorm rooms! I didn’t know him, and he really didn’t know me. But I was in an English class with his roommate, which is how I got on the “call list” that evening. Much to their surprise *ahem, I did not fall for their prank, but I soon would fall in love with the man behind the prank phone call.
A prank phone call led to a double date, which led to a single date, which eventually led to a lot more dates, and then marriage. Today he is a pastor (no longer making prank phone calls :)) and I am his wife. God has graciously given us over fifteen years of marriage, four beautiful children, and over thirteen years of fruitful ministry. As I think back to our dating and engagement days at Moody, I often laugh at the ways we pursued one another in love. Pursuing one another came easy. There were spontaneous calls, silly notes, impromptu walks, and no shortage of talking. He pursued me and I pursued him. This is true in the beginning of almost every relationship. But as a relationship progresses and time goes by, so does the temptation to stop pursuing your spouse.
Life sets in. Things begin to become routine and mundane. There is an assumption that “he is mine,” therefore, I don’t need to try to catch him or keep him anymore. Nothing can be more destructive to a healthy and intimate relationship than one spouse failing to pursue the other.
I want to be a wife who keeps pursuing my husband, not because I fear losing him, but because I still deeply desire him and love him.
I don’t want him to doubt that.
As I have thought about the art of pursuit in marriage, I think there are two primary ways that any wife needs to pursue her husband:
1. Affirmation – You should be your husband’s biggest fan! Tell him you love him, tell him he looks nice, tell him he’s a good dad, tell him you appreciate his hard work! Make affirming him a primary way you pursue him. It is a lie and a myth that men don’t care about feelings or emotions. They want to know you still have feelings and emotions for them! Affirming your husband is a great way to show him your love and desire to pursue him.
2. Affection – Your husband wants to know he is desired. It’s not true that all he cares about is sex. He certainly cares about it, but he also wants to be wanted. Be a wife who initiates physical contact.
In Five Aspects of Woman, Barbara K.Mouser points out that this is a Biblical picture of wedded love, with man and wife. With marriage, a woman’s body becomes an interpersonal space, a place of fellowship for two people. Just as a virgin should guard the domain of her body, the wife should tend it and share it with her husband.
I am aware that there are many women who complain about their “duty.” God didn’t intend for sex to be a duty. He intended for it to be beautiful. Don’t just react to his affection, be proactive and pursue him. He will be delighted by your desire for him!
Friends, these are two simple ways that as a wives we can pursue our husbands, and I know there are so many more. In what ways do you pursue your husband? How do you make him feel loved and treasured?
Ruth, The Better Mom