7 Ways to Stir Up Your Love Life

Continuing our series this week we’re on to step 5:

And he’s my husband too. I’ve pledged myself to him for life—heart, soul, and body.

We’re lovers and we do the kinds of things that lovers do. We whisper, tease, kiss, and touch. He often introduces me as his “girlfriend”—though I’m quick to add that I happen to be his wife as well. That we’ve been married for 20 years and have eight children together. That it’s all legal and upright. Sometimes I even feel compelled to flash my wedding ring just to prove it.

How did we become lovers? No doubt that we were drawn to each other from the first. We married and couldn’t bear to be apart from one another.

So why should that kind of magnetic pull ever change?

Except young love doesn’t count on fatigue and weariness to creep in. Never considers grief, tragedy, or pressures to weigh down. Doesn’t anticipate that passion can get crowded out or crushed in the thick it all. But it can happen.

Maybe it’s even happened to you.

If it has? Don’t leave it there. Don’t give it up. Or wait for him to turn it around. It “takes two” and we all know that, but there’s so much a wife can do to stir up things. You know what kind of things I’m talking about too.

Oh, not just the actual event. Love-making isn’t confined to an act – it’s about a relationship. A very passionate one.

So I take my role as his lover very seriously and I’m committed to stirring things up. How about you? Are you looking for an ongoing love affair? As friend to friend, here are some ways I seek to be his lover:

Think like a lover. It begins with a mindset – how I view him. So when he walks into the room, am I thinking, “Oh, good, there’s the man who can take out the garbage” or “the dad who can give me a break from the children?” OR “Wow. There’s the guy I get to sleep with tonight.” Trust me, it sure makes a difference in how I meet up with him.

Talk like a lover. Lovers say sweet, inviting things to each other.  Maybe I’ll remark how handsome he is. How strong he is. How he makes me shiver – with delight. How I’m not sure I could live without him. I find that if you convince him that he’s the man of your dreams, he’ll likely become that man.

Act like a lover. Sometimes I forget and get lost in the dailyness of life. But then I’ll observe a newly engaged couple. I’ll watch the way she hangs on his every word. How they exchange secrets with their eyes. The way she presses in when next to him. No one could miss the electricity between the two.  And I’m reminded, “Oh, right, that’s how it’s supposed to be.” I’d forgotten for a time, but I want that back again.

Plan like a lover. This one is between you and me. It’s not very romantic sounding….but I plan for things. Because you see, I’m a very busy lady and we’ve got a bunch of kids. And I only have so much time and so much energy. So, I plan ahead – to the point of mentally “scheduling” when we’re going to be together. A little strange, I know, but if I don’t make it a priority, well, then it just doesn’t happen – or at least doesn’t happen well.

Take a nap, run the bath, snuggle on the couch, turn in early – and start connecting from the beginning of the day. If forced to admit it, yes, I confess: I strategize.

Respond like a lover. One thing I’ve noticed about lovers? They respond so readily to each other. They’re not concerned about timing, about the correct approach, the mood, or the lighting. They don’t require anything fancy; they’re thrilled to be together. So I try not to need things to be “just so” for passion to build between us.

Give like a lover. Lovers give their love lavishly and without restraint. They don’t hold back. Or hold out. And since I’ve already confided in you, here’s another: I don’t always feel like it. Sometimes I give of myself only because I love him. I’m not in the mood, not in that head-space, and it’s not where I’m at. Sometimes – it’s a one-way deal. It is simply my gift to him.

Desire like a lover. At one point, when expecting our 7^th child, I realized that my desire for him had faded. While his level of interest hadn’t changed in the least. I wanted to want him, but found I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t understand why the Lord would make me one way…and make him in such a totally different way. It didn’t make sense to me.

After a long soul-struggle, I brought it before the Lord. My request was simple: I asked Him to give me a desire – a real, physical desire – for my husband. And I don’t know how to explain it, but He gave it. I’ve prayed about many other aspects of our loving as well.

You might’ve noticed that I didn’t go into much detail here. For me? Loving is a very personal matter. So I don’t want to know what others are doing – what matters more is what we’re enjoying. Does that mean I would never discuss such intimate details? No, but that conversation would be in private, over a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. Not in a public forum. Although I appreciate those like Sheila Gregoire who seek to address such things in a Biblical, careful manner.

Today’s Challenge: Consider yourself his lover, as well as his wife. Then think of the many ways you can stir things up.

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.

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