Today I’d like to welcome my special friend and guest contributor, Jennifer Smith, Unveiled Wife. Jennifer has just released her brand new book, The Unveiled Wife*, which I had the pleasure and privilege of reviewing before it hit shelves. Awesome book! Awesome girl! Awesome friend!
“One day as I prepared to open a can of tuna for lunch, it dawned on me that we did not own a can opener. Apparently there are a ton of small things needed to run a home efficiently, tools and skills I was definitely going to need to pick up fast. I ran down the street to a resale shop and purchased a can opener, cheese grater, strainer, and curling iron, all for less than three dollars! That would not be my only trip to the local thrift store.
As much as I desired to be a resourceful wife, I was pathetic in the kitchen. The extent of my cooking knowledge was summed up in cereal, sandwiches, salt, and pepper. I remember on one occasion, while Aaron was at work, I decided to cook a spaghetti dinner. Since I was new in the kitchen, having no clue how to cook, I called home to get a few tips from my mom. Apparently spaghetti making is a common sense sort of art, a simple dish that should be in every wife’s arsenal. That night I served the perfect pot of spaghetti, which my husband loved. My phone call home, however, became a widespread joke in my family, leaving me feeling all the more inadequate. I might not have been a master chef, but Aaron didn’t seem to mind.” – Excerpt from The Unveiled Wife*
I am not sure how many of you can relate, but following my wedding I immediately felt my insecurities as a wife skyrocket. The necessity and responsibility of running a home was not an easy transition and I felt completely inadequate in trying to fulfill my new role. I was not well equipped to handle the duties or pressures of being a wife and my heart had a challenging time reconciling the decision I had made to get married. Doubt churned in my mind about marriage being a mistake or questioning whether or not I was capable of being a good wife.
As my insecurities grew so did my negative attitude, which caused other areas of conflict in our marriage to be amplified. I desperately wanted to be fulfilled in my marriage and I wanted to be respected as an amazing wife…but feeling less than suitable left me cranky.
Looking back over the years there are a few lessons I have learned and there are a few things I wish I could encourage myself with as a young wife…the letter below was inspired by this thought of speaking truth into my life, it is a great encouragement for new wives and even those who have been married a long time. We can all receive more encouragement!
Dear Wife,
You will be the wife you desire to be, but it happens over time! You will learn and mature through experience. With each and every circumstance you encounter and in every interaction you face with your husband, you will learn how to navigate the journey of marriage. Do not be overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacies or doubt. Expect challenges with the perspective that each one will force you to evaluate your role as a wife and how your decision making affects every aspect of your marriage. This process is refining. Feed your appetite more than you feed your fears. As you practice meal making, you will get better! As you initiate intimacy, it will improve. As you open your heart to your husband and let him get to know you, trust will be built. And as you seek to keep God at the center of your marriage, your relationship with God and your husband will become stronger and love will thrive. Also, invite other wives to help you, to teach you, to train you. Community is a life saver and a marriage saver. You will be amazed at how much you will learn from others, so let them in and let them inspire you to become better. Lastly, give yourself some grace! There is a huge learning curve that comes with marriage and for many people, the learning never stops, but it will always make you better!
I hope this encourages some of you today! I share very honestly the struggles I faced as a new wife including jealousy, manipulation, and intimacy issues in my book The Unveiled Wife.* At the end of each chapter are questions that will help you evaluate your own marriage journey. So for more marriage encouragement go check it out here: The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband
Jennifer Smith
Visit Jennifer at her website, The Unveiled Wife
“Lives are radically changed when we surrending our hearts to God’s will. The Unveiled Wife* testifies to that with a beautiful picture of the masterpiece a marriage can be.” – Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
* This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my full disclosure.
Great encouragement for young wives! What I think is sorely lacking in the church today are older women teaching the younger women, as the Bible commands. I didn’t have one older woman that tried to teach me anything about respecting and submitting to my husband and our marriage suffered as a consequence. I pray more older women step up to the plate and begin obeying God by teaching and helping young women in their very important role as wife and mother.
I totally agree. Thankfully my Mother in Law was amazing in that department. I am now “grooming” the young lady that has informed me that she has every intention to marry our son. Holy Cow where does the time go. Somethings make her look at me like I have 4 heads but both son and hubby grin and nod. She has spoken to our 16 yr old daughter about some of the things and she has agreed too. Could it be that they are all actually seeing, listening and learning……
And heck, even Martha Stewart burned her first Thanksgiving turkey.
God Bless
This is nice for someone who has a husband that will respond. My husband is depressed and afraid of intimacy. He is angry often and I take the brunt of it. He is not interested in sex. I keep trying to find someone I can relate to but everyone seems to be the opposite.
Interesting that your mom let that story get around. If it had been me I’d have been too embarrassed to let everyone know I had failed to teach my child as basic a life skill as how to make one simple meal, a pot of pasta! Seems to me in situations like that, the joke is really on the parent who dropped the ball…
This is a good letter. Once the excitement of being engaged went down I freaked out that I would be an awful wife and I could not gather enough resources to make me feel better. Getting married my insecurities got in my way I was so focused on not screwing up that I did screw up,and the adjustment the first few months were hard. But now after 9 months we are in a grove. It just takes time and effort 🙂
Love the encouragement to keep God at the center of our marriages and that we need to “feed our appetite(s) more than our fear(s).”
Thanks and many blessings to you and yours, Darlene and Jennifer!