Just a few days ago this box arrived at my door. I guess you could say that it’s a box I’ve been waiting for over ten years now.
Advance copies of my upcoming book.
Overwhelmed with tears, and fears, and gratitude I opened the box, picked up a book, and held the print in my hand. All I wanted to do in that moment was kneel down and pray. Tears of humility as I marvel at the grace of God. He’s everything from the writing to the message itself. I’m nothing without grace.
I’m fearful some days that I can’t fulfil the role He’s calling me to. I kneel and pray and leave it at the foot of His throne to use me as He will. Thankful also for the many prayers you have said on my behalf.
And I whisper prayers of thanks for a publisher who believes in me and supports my ministry. An agent who has walked beside me through it all, and friends–so many of you–who are supporting this book launch.
It’s all grace, pure grace.
And then I look back in my archives to find this post, written at the start of my ministry. Again I’m reminded how all of this is a gift…
From the archives, 2010
Before I clicked publish on this blog, I asked myself, “Am I good enough?” Am I good enough to call myself a Time-Warp Wife? Just because I seek to return to the time-past values I cherish, can I wear that title now–today? Am I good enough to share my beliefs and convictions with others, when I’ve failed so miserably myself?
I look around the room, and although I’ve cleaned the house this afternoon it looks like a hurricane hit it tonight. My profile photo is perfect, but I sit here and type in a white robe and socks. My hair is tied back in a pony, and my bangs are unkempt. I sent the children to bed hours ago, and I still hear the shuffle of papers in my daughter’s room. She’s anxious for school as we all are.
“Go to sleep, Sweetie,” I remind her, before she enters the hall for one more trip to the bathroom. I strive for order in the house, but it gets the best of me most days.
Am I good enough, Lord?
My laundry is backed up, we have few socks to wear, and I have windows to wash. We vacuumed twice today, but the bird had a party in his cage, and seeds need to be vacuumed again.
I’m not a Caroline Ingalls, Olivia Walton, or June Cleaver. I’ve disappointed my friends, my Lord, and my husband at times. I feel that disappointment today and it wrenches my heart. Loneliness, fear and heartbreak set in.
Am I good enough, Lord?
A voice inside tells me I’m not. It points out my failures and my shortcomings. It reminds me of the many times I’ve driven my children to school and forgotten a lunch, a note or their gym clothes. It tells me that that I’m disorganized and that I don’t measure up to other women my age. It tells me that I’m a sinner unworthy to stand before God.
And then I hear another voice that gently speaks:
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5, NIV
Again I ask, am I good enough Lord? Can I be that faithful servant with every shortcoming I have?
I read 2 Corinthians where I’m reminded of this…
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; – 2 Corinthians 5:17-18
It’s all grace, pure grace. Nothing but the grace of our Lord.
You are loved by an almighty God,
The Time-Warp Wife