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The Most Powerful Way to Communicate With Your Husband

The Most Powerful Way to Communicate With Your Husband

The Most Powerful Way to Communicate
With Your Husband

In our first year of marriage, Michael and I owned a small house barely large enough for the two of us, but I have to admit it was cute. This little house had a porcelain sink, vintage stove, built-in china cabinet, and hardwood floors. Tiny but adorable.

The thing we loved most about the house was the yard.

And the neighbors.

One Sunday afternoon while Michael and I were lounging around the house, we caught a glimpse of our neighbor walking by the front window. Curious, I stood up to see what he was up to.

“Michael,” I called out, “Art’s mowing our front lawn!”

This was foreign to us. I was 23-years-old and I had never seen a neighbor cutting both lawns.

But then again, my parents always kept up the grass. Dad was out there at the first sign of growth. Michael and I–not so much. The concept of keeping up a house was new to us, and the concept of a neighbor helping out was newer yet.

But all that changed. Art inspired us to go the extra mile when it came to cutting the grass. I guess you could say that we took a page out of his book. And so we took turns joyfully serving each other, back and forth, week after week.

Things could have been different. They could have complained about the fact that our grass was far too long. They could have stopped short at their property line–that would have shown us!

They could have mentioned the unsightly jungle I had growing in my back yard, but instead they installed a friendly-neighbor gate so we had free access to theirs.

We’ve had great neighbors over the years, but I have to say that Art and his wife influenced us in ways that we’ll never forget.

They didn’t merely teach us how to take care of our lawn, they taught us how to take care of one’s heart.

If we truly want to influence a person, first and foremost we have to love our neighbor as ourself.

And if you want to influence your husband, love him as yourself.

In other words, handle his heart gently. By all means communicate with him, but do so with humility and grace.

Offer to help in reaching a solution. Be humble. Be friendly and fun. Offer respect. Show your appreciation. And be willing to serve at least as much as you expect to be served. 

Here’s a tangible example. Say you want your husband to fix the fence that’s been leaning over all spring. You’ve asked him every week and it’s still an eye sore. How do you approach the subject again?

If your carpentry skills are anything like mine, going out there to fix it yourself isn’t the best answer. Maybe it is for you, and if so perfect. Do it. But if not, I have a few communication suggestions:

You could say…

“I know we’ve talked about you fixing the fence in the back yard. Is there anything I can do to make it happen? Or maybe we can do it together? In any case, I want you to know that I appreciate all the work you’ve been doing around here.”

Or…

“I’ll tell you what. Remember how I asked you to fix the fence in the backyard? Well, I wanted to apologize for nagging you about it. I know you’ve been busy. I have an idea. Why don’t I cook your favorite dinner while you’re working on it. Maybe we can make it a date on Saturday?”

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife

Pick up a copy of my bookMessy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages.  *Amazon affiliate link. 

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5 Comments

  • Caryn

    Thanks Darlene, that was a very apropo post for me as I was struggling with loving my husband through his distracted, irritable state as of late. I was convicted by The Lord about my impatience and temptation to take offense. Your words were encouraging and motivating to love and pray for my husband through it!

  • Eleanor

    Thank you for this post, Darlene. The neighborly service part of your story was most touching for me today.

    We had a neighbor who did the same when I was a kid. I’m not sure if we ever did theirs. God bless him and his wife. How kind.

    I want to have a relationship of joyful service with my neighbor. That sounds awesome.

    Heavenly Father, please bless all of us and help us with patience and being slow to anger. Please help us to see our spouses, families, and neighbors as You see them . Thank You for teaching us self-sacrifice and joyful service, and thank You for teaching us how to speak carefully and kindly toward one another. God, thank You for Your patience and kindness with all of our faults. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  • Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    This is such great advice, Darlene! I think because our husbands are masculine and because they are the providers, we tend to forget that they do have tender hearts.

    In my 22 years of marriage, I have found that it isn’t usually what I am saying, but how I am saying it that impacts him for better or for worse. I have learned to pray before I speak and to offer to help with a request just as you suggested.

    Keep sharing the good stuff with us, Darlene.
    Blessings to you and yours.

  • Stanlee E. NGOLE

    Great article here, thank you. However, my wife taking upon herself to fix the fence would rather annoy me. I think the fact she can do something doesn’t mean she should go ahead and do it, just because she can. I think the man should be left in his manly bubble even if the virtue of humility may suggest otherwise, but then…his mental health is more important than that. Both for himself and for the home. Not to speak any less of the woman’s.

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